Wow, That's Funky

Wait a second, I thought Iraq was not like Viet Nam. Why did the president just say it is?

Who is saying if the US withdraws killing will end? Is that a calculated mischaracterization, ignorance, or evidence of an inability to think critically?

It's interesting that he cites the humanitarian crisis post Viet Nam withdrawal- specifically risky immigration. Isn't there already a humanitarian crisis? More than 2,000,000 Iraqis have fled to Syria and Lebanon- those were the ones who could leave.

Oh September 11th, I almost forgot.

Oh nice- if you're at all opposed to anything the government does, you are a pawn of Bin Laden.

Nahzeesim?

"Across the Middle East millions of citizens are tired of war..." But screw 'em.

I don't think I would cite killed and captured "bad guy" numbers when killed (and captured) not bad guy numbers are far greater and readily available.

Come on. Seriously? The only options this president can see are stay the course or surrender?

Oh well- that's it.

I don't think you should worry that MY PRESIDENT believes any of this. It's really just a lot of rhetorical magic. I mean, Nazis, Imperial Japan, and the Soviet Union positively compared to the various militant groups in Iraq? The sectarian groups in Iraq are comparable to the cohesive guerilla forces in Viet Nam or Cambodia that overthrew US supported governments? Do you really think MY Yale History PRESIDENT could have sat through any of his courses and not accidentally learned that these are inapt comparisons? Why do it? Why play up the fear and simultaneously say we are an unconquerable divine people? Why describe OUR ENEMY in terms of a vast, dark, threatening mass that lurks behind every corner and threatens our existence at nearly every step?

It does get that lizard part of the brain all fired up doesn't it?

Proof That Bats Are Birds

A woman in Australia has been killed by her pet camel after the animal may have tried to have sex with her.

BBC News

Wouldn't you know it? No sooner do I go and write a post like this wherein I question the magical above the world objective description of nature and law status of the Bible, then this happens.

I had believed in the truth of the Bible, but it was only in a way in which I understood the truth of the relation of God to the world in Jesus. That way made me unsuitable to teach private Christian high school Bible (read Dispensationalist Theology) classes. It's a way that made that previous post possible. Clearly that's no good. There is something about a woman and an animal getting it on that violates an objective natural law and deserves death. Even if it was the camel's idea. This is a reminder, it's not just that we find something morally reprehensible; we don't simply say, "We just don't do that," and so punish it. What we see is that what we should find morally reprehensible is a reflection of some cosmic "should." Morality is exactly like gravity. Of course now, the camel needs to be killed. Then, everything will be as it should.

My way of understanding the Bible is true is lame- I'm sorry, my old way of understanding the Bible is true is lame. It's not truth; it's a catalogue of facts.

We should look forward to more of the following:

A teenage couple having sex for the first time were interrupted when candles set fire to the girl's attic bedroom and forced them to flee naked from her parents' house...

Reuters

The Title of This Post is That Upturned Hand With the Thumb Rubbing the Index and Middle Fingers Gesture Indicating Money

I got another visit from a tongue ugly very soon after my first was removed, so I get to have another tongue surgery in September. I scheduled this second surgery back in July, and I am so thankful I don't live in Canada, England, France, or any other industrialized nation with socialized medicine (but I repeat myself).

July to September.

In case you forgot, this is a tongue ugly.


With my private insurance I get to walk right into a hospital, demand any surgery I want without any fear of rationing or waiting. Boy, could you imagine how horrible it would be if our health care were run by some government corporation like the Postal Service? Sure you could get the life-saving or preventative care you needed, but you might have to wait for it. Sheesh, what a nightmare that would be.

MY PRESIDENT wants to save us from this nightmare. He specifically wants to save children from this nightmare. He's fighting to make sure states don't expand the public health care that does exist to cover more and more children. Thank him so much. So so much.

This is a good thing to do. It must be. If MY PRESIDENT- the one who said Jesus was the most influential person in his life- has chosen this issue there must be something holy and right at its core. Or not. It might be something that is completely unrelated to who he is as a follower of Jesus Christ.

Someone who isn't sanctified by the Holy Spirit might not see this. A secular humanist, for example, might think something like public health care is a good and fundamental thing we provide for each other. Perhaps they might see it as something akin to education or police and fire protection. They might say that it should be one of the most basic things a people who call themselves good would do. They might take their cursory knowledge of Jesus and compare it to what they see Christians doing in the world and experience some dissonance. (Publicly provided healthcare for children, you're against that- really?) They might say this is why Christians seem like an often silly, sometimes scary, bunch. Pffttt, God has chosen the foolish things of the world and all that.

What they fail to see is that, as a Christian, I can only be concerned with my holiness. Jesus is for me. He's my personal savior. Maybe somewhere down the line, just as it is in capitalism, when I do what's best for me there's some marginal good done for you, but even that's beyond the scope of my concern. I'm really just interested in getting to heaven. If you'd like to know more about that, we might have something to talk about. In the meantime, get yourself some health insurance.

Maybe MY PRESIDENT sees denying healthcare to an expanding group of children is important to who he is as a disciple of Jesus. Or maybe he's just very mature in his faith and realizes some worldly thing like that has no bearing on his spiritual relationship with Jesus. That's between him and God, and it doesn't really matter in the big picture. The big picture being whether you're going to heaven or hell.

ed.- I figure to be more helpful I could at least put a link to the Children's Health Insurance Program in California. It's called Healthy Families. If'n you have young 'uns you should sign up for it.

Well Maybe Now Someone Else Will Think Twice About Not Killing Someone

On August 30th Kenneth Foster will probably be killed by the State of Texas for the murder of one Michael LaHood Jr. There is a question about his imminent execution because he may still be granted clemency by the Board of Pardons and Parole (yeah right- it's Texas). There is, however, no question that he did not kill anyone. Even the prosecutor acknowledges that LaHood was murdered by Mauriceo Brown- who was executed last year for the crime. What Kenneth Foster did do was not anticipate that Mauriceo might kill someone during a night of robberies. That's the deal in Texas. If you could have known better, you should have known better. You are not guilty of the same crime as a murderer, but deserve the same punishment.

I just thought you might like to know.

Every Time You Eat A Steak, A Hippy's Hacky Sack Falls In The Gutter

Once again we are having our End of The Summer, and this year, Labor Day, Feast. If you can read this, you are invited (after 6PM on September 1st).
There will be revolution in the air and hot dogs on the grill.

Here I am

Our Conversations Are Punctuated

The Qweenbean- Oh tomorrow's church potluck
Skybalon- Not for me-
The Qweenbean- Why?
Skybalon- ...
The Qweenbean- Oh right- you're going to devil church.
Skybalon- That was almost blogworthy.
The Qweenbean- Arrr- What if I had said, "Oh right you're going to devil church. You'd better not come back gay."?
Skybalon- That would've made it.
The Qweenbean- Put it in. I thought it.

We Are Used To It- You Do This Every Year

It doesn't seem to me that being gay disqualifies one from having kids or being married. I know, I know- I really hate civilization and am just trying to destroy its foundations. If I had my way cats and dogs would be living together- it would be anarchy. But now that we've settled that, I return to my point- I don't think being gay is something that disqualifies one from having kids or being married. I write that with the nagging suspicion that I'm talking out my butt. I'm not gay, and I don't have any kids. How could I know whether gay people can raise children? As for being married- I'm not done yet. Maybe I will fail and prove that I did not know what it took to be married. So what do I know?

I guess I can't know- not in the same way I know my dogs like peanut butter. It seems important. It seems like I'm supposed to think that gay people are incapable of those things that make for good families. That seems so strange to me, though, because I know people who are not gay that seem totally unfit to be married and have children yet they are and have each. And inversely, I know people who are gay that seem fit to be married and be parents yet are neither.

But again, I am speaking from ignorance.

I used to think that it was just a whole pile of cynicism and hypocrisy that led so many conservative politicians to condemn homosexuality in general and grandstand on things like gay marriage and adoption. I used to think it was a strange cultural obsession with hyper-masculinity and a twisted Augustinian understanding of our bodies that made some in the church hate gay so much. But it's becoming clearer, that perhaps the most vocal in the arena know of whence they speak.

I mean, I think we should assume that someone's public condemnation of and fixation on correcting certain sexual behaviors is a veiled confession. It's not a confession in the classic sense, but maybe it's the best confession they can manage; we need to meet them half way. This impassioned plea to not let us, as a people, let gay folks have children is a cry from the source that thinks it knows best. What they are perhaps saying is, "We know from experience that gay people should not have children, because we are gay and think we should not have children." But maybe they are confused. Sure, many of them are gay, but being gay is not the source of the trouble.

The most that Bob Allen (R), for example, should say is, "I am not fit to raise children and I make a horrible husband." I think he would be right to say that, but I think his fitness or not to raise children and what makes him a horrible husband is not a result of his finding men sexually attractive as much as it is a result of whatever makes him look for random sex partners in park restrooms (Not every gay person does this, and some non-gay people do- so gay is not the source). Saying he is not fit to raise children because he is gay is too shallow a remark. The opposite of this is true as well; assuming someone is fit to raise children because they are not gay is right out. It certainly should not follow that a whole group of people is fit or unfit for raising children because Bob Allen obliquely confesses that he is not a fit parent or spouse.

But again- I may be talking out my butt on this. Having never raised children, I don't know that being not gay may be the only criterion that matters.

I say that it is a matter of confusion, not a matter of being gay or not gay. Not only is it a confusion of what follows from my being gay or not gay, it is also a confusion of what gay might be.

???

I know we say that being gay is a matter of attraction- whether it be biological or volitional. If one is attracted to people of the same sex we say that person is gay, but why does that make any sense? I'm not saying it can't ultimately mean that (even if that's what we decide gay means, it's not a useful category), but I guess I might suggest that gay means more than that when we use it. It seems we want to say "Everything we want to suggest about someone's sexual and relational behavior" with the word gay, and that's too much.

Part of the problem might be that we, some wes at least, want to attach some sort of moral weight to the label: gay is murder. Isn't that why it's so important for some that to whom you are physically attracted be a matter of choice? Then it is not simply a morally neutral category of human, like left-handed, or green-eyed. (That line only works if you are familiar with the historic connotations of left-handedness and green eyes). If you choose gay- then we can say there is some wrong you choose. It seems pretty clear that some would like it to mean that. Or at the very least, some pray it is an issue of will that can be altered. I don't see how attraction can be that, but then, what I do see wouldn't fill a thimble.

Remember, there are many reasons to discount what I say. I am not gay. I don't have children. I seem to want to destroy civilization. I know I'm supposed to think being gay- or more specifically a man lying with a man as he would a woman- is as horrible as cursing your parents or working on the weekend or as unnatural as a woman with short hair- but I struggle with seeing that as so. But just because I don't agree with something doesn't mean that's not where I should be. Someday, when I am holier, I might think being gay is on par with giving your children to Molech. But I still don't know if I would think that saying one was gay meant all that.

Back to that issue of attraction. I am not gay. What I mean is I am a man not attracted to men. Oh- I can tell when a man is ugly, so that means I can tell when one is attractive. I know what is attractive in a man, I just don't want to have sex with men, but then, I don't want to have sex with women in general either. I guess I could be lying if I said I find women attractive because I don't find all women attractive. I don't just mean I do find dark or red hair particularly appealing, but blonde hair generally does nothing for me. I mean, I don't want to have sex with women in general (now that I type that, I seem pretty gay). In fact their are possibly as many women that I would not want to have sex with as there are men I don't want to have sex with. I can't imagine any man being a catalyst for the range of physical and chemical reactions associated with physical attraction, so one might say to me, "You are straight." - But I can say the same about me and most women: I cannot imagine them being a catalyst for the range of physical and chemical reactions associated with physical attraction, so one might say to me, "Keep your gay to yourself, fag." Whatever, what I think this is related to is the silliness of the label gay. What do we mean when we say one is a person attracted to people with similar genitalia as one's own and why do we want it to mean that if attraction is such a strange and perhaps insignificant thing? Can gay really be invested with all that it seems to carry?

I guess one partial or start to an answer might be that the Bible seems to condemn being gay so that's why some mean what they mean, but it's difficult to get at what exactly the problem is with Bible gay. (At least it's difficult for me- I don't think bats are birds.) It's important to Christians, or it should be, that some seemingly relevant Bible passages suggest doing certain things matters more than thinking or feeling certain things. Though we might ask, if the factors of attraction are beyond us why we would be "given" tendencies that cannot be acted upon. (Oh right, like original sin is in the Bible.) I guess I think that attraction is itself not problematic. I don't see the gouge out your eyes passage as relevant- lust and attraction are not synonymous, but the "gave up to dishonorable passions" might be. Though there, Paul seems to argue from a sort of natural law perspective, and unless we are meant to follow some self-reflecting what-God-says-is-natural-and-what-is-natural-is-what-God-says line or traipse down the rape-is-more-natural-than-masturbation slope, what is natural or what natural is should not be overstated. But then elsewhere, intention matters more than what one does, and sometimes inclinations are the problem.

blink... blink...

Oh right- gay people and kids.

Unless we think gay has to do with more than to whom one is attracted- it hardly seems like the kind of thing that says, "Children!?- Honey, I know you love fairy tails, but you do not belong around children. We need to get one thing straight- you're not, so just get the idea of having children out of your head. Replace them with ABBA lyrics or color swatches and everyone'll be much happier." It seems that what we might collectively imagine gay to be and what makes it unsuitable for family life is not something that has to do with what one finds attractive in other people. Rather it's a caricature that we connect to what we say gay is, or we use gay as some vessel to carry our collective grief and despair over our failed families. The thing is, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or perhaps your own parents may serve that role better than the gay people you know in real life, if you need that role to be filled, which, when you get down to it, you don't. You can play that role yourself- though it would require you taking on all the crap you want to dump on the gays or Britney Spears.

I think we have the capacity to be more imaginative and thoughtful about this whole gay thing- especially as Christians. But then, just because I can convert my gas truck to electric doesn't mean I will.

I Am Listening
One Hundred Thousand- Hieroglyphics
Across the Universe- The Beatles
Pigs on the Wing- Pink Floyd
Stella By Starlight- Stan Getz
Twist and Crawl- The English Beat
Castaway- Green Day
She Was a Hotel Detective- They Might Be Giants
Thriller- Michael Jackson
Mayonaise- Smashing Pumpkins
Now Mary- The White Stripes
Una Voce Poco- Rossini
Sexy Sadie- The Beatles
High and Dry- Radiohead
Better Git Hit In Yer Soul- Charles Mingus
Is This What They Used To Call Love- The Magnetic Fields
Red Sea- Hans Zimmer
Hurricane- Bob Dylan
Wild Honey- U2
Lovely Day- Pixies
Out of the Window- Violent Femmes
And Your Bird Can Sing- The Beatles
Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me- The Smiths
The Big Country- Talking Heads
Happy Jack- The Who

Well This Calls For More Yellow Ribbon Magnets!

WASHINGTON -- Army soldiers committed suicide last year at the highest rate in 26 years, and more than a quarter did so while serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, according to a new military report.

AP/LA Times

What? That? It's Just For Research

Ooohhhhh They disgust me!
They should disgust you too.
Them- those people
Those people that I'm pointing at- look!
Eyrgh- I just hate them.
I mean I hate what they do-
No not me- Don't look at me- look at them.
I can barely talk, I'm choking on my disgust and you're still not looking-
How can they be so shameless?
There- did you see that? See what I mean- ugh it's so horrible
Look- you're missing what they're doing- Stop looking at me! Look at them!
I'm only doing this to get your attention so you'll look at them-
There's no reason to look at me
Why are you looking at me? Stop looking at me-
Them. Look. They're so... comfortable about it.
It's horrible- I don't understand how you can be so calm about this.
What? Oh that- it's nothing
Ummm... maybe it is, but it's not mine. One of them must've put it here.
It fell out of my pocket? That's not possible.
Okay- well I used to have one like that but I haven't had one in a long time.
Oh... yeah... that is my name...
Okay it used to be mine but I don't have one anymore.
Oh right- I mean need one. I don't need one anymore.
I'll take that- I'm just going to go put this somewhere safe... somewhere to remind me I don't need it anymore.

He's A Dear Friend

If the prayer of a righteous person does a lot, what does the prayer of a Karl Rove do? Karl has said he does not have the privilege of being a person of faith, but in his goodbye this morning he said he would be praying for MY PRESIDENT. I wonder if all this time Karl has been asking God for wisdom and strength for MY PRESIDENT and this is what we got. That explains some things.

That Karl Rove, accused of being the political mind behind so much evil poop (and a key bit of evidence against the "But he's a good man" argument), is leaving is odd. This isn't a gang that cuts people loose before it's time. It's also not a gang that hangs you out to dry. What does it mean?

You're Still Here? It's Over- Go Home- Go

WASHINGTON- To see the type of person who still backs him, President Bush need only look in the mirror. The president fits the composite of today's Bush supporter: a conservative, white, Republican man, an evangelical Christian who goes to church regularly.

AP/Washington Post

I don't know if that's who MY PRESIDENT really is. Well first of all, I guess it's hard to say even say what that is? When I think conservative I think more of a librarian than a frat boy. And white? What does that mean? Britney Spears-white? George Allen-white? Bill Gates-white? It's not just about skin color is it?

I'm pretty sure it means the people who still support MY PRESIDENT identify with him; whether it really is him is another matter. It seems like the plain-speaking, church-going, folksy Christian cowboy persona is a convenient construction- convenient because, if John Hughes taught us anything, we know the kids with the fancy cars and clear skin are the villains. He is, after all, a Connecticut born, Ivy League, heir to an American oligarchic dynasty- a John Hughes bad guy if there ever was one. That's not very presidential- well, it's absolutely presidential but we like to pretend it's not.

It might not matter to them, though. If that's who he really is or not, it plays for at least that steadfast 1/4 to 1/3 of Americans who believe in his folksy wholesomeness and a young earth despite evidence to the contrary. They see the simple man who loves his momma (not his mother), says "ain't" (just like every other Andover grad), and prays... Boy does he like to let us know he prays- and feels the prayers of others. Someone could look at him and say, "He's one of us." Which sometimes, in some circles, means, "That's me; I love it 'cos it's me." That's not love, and it's certainly no starting point for community. Rather seems like a bit of idolatry doesn't it? No? How about a horribly malformed body- one composed only of gluteal clefts?

I'm a big fan of the body as metaphor for understanding all kinds of junk. A finger is a finger, for example, only in its connection to and relation with other parts- it's articulation and use is impossible apart from other different elements. That's a helpful way for me to understand us. I'm of the mind that who we are is expressed in what we do (and what we say is in the range of possibilities) in our relative choices. So not only do I play a unique role in a community, I also know who I am through connection and interaction with others. It's limited of course. A finger is a finger and a person is a person. I don't know what all makes a given range of possibilities particular for one person and not another. I don't know everything that makes me me- that makes me say these things are possible for me but these others are not.

I'm sorry- I mean I know that God knit me together in my mother's womb and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that's what dictates the range of possibilities. I mean I don't know beyond that.

Anyway, I wonder what he really does see when he looks in the mirror. Is he really the cowboy, or is he someone that feels compelled to play the cowboy? Stories of rebellion against his upbringing and environment abound. Cowboy may be a continuation of that. It may also simply be the role that sells to his base so he has to play it. Whatever the case it's a performance isn't it? Not necessarily fake- but a performance nonetheless. It is the role he has to play: cowboy... or perhaps better: gangsta' cowboy (gangsta' in the way suburban kids listening to 50 Cent are gangsta'). There is a limited range of possibilities for him in that role; we've seen them. Maybe it's still helpful to describe it in Hughesian terms. He didn't like the world as bad grown ups had laid it out for him- especially as their conspicuous absence or misguided attention relinquished any claims they had on who he would be. So he began destroying stuff- starting with the part he thought he was expected to play. And then, in case the mean adults didn't quite understand that he was toppling their built up and imposed expectations, he started destroying the things they valued: a Ferrari, Suburban Chicago Mansions, dad's political campaign, Iraq. And, at first, it seems kinda' cool- like Gary is taking a principled stand, or Ferris is really helping his friend out, but then it dawns on you- they're really just narcissisistic buttholes.

Oh by the way- when I say we play roles or understand ourselves within a given community or culture, I don't mean we need to be 2-dimensional types- though some may choose to be. And still, the act of choosing to play those roles says something about who we are. That it is an acceptable option within a group also says something about that group. I think I mean something like that.

So a small percentage still has faith. I guess those are the kind of people you want on your side. Unless of course, MY PRESIDENT has been trying to turn everyone against him with the whole gangsta' cowboy bit and you- you 28 Percenters- are just making MY PRESDIENT do crazier and crazier things. Which, now that I type that, is probably very appropriate. It's probably, much like the Evangelical support of Israeli militarism and apartheid; it's just another calculated move to lure Jesus back.

I Have a Bag of the Organic Lomas al Rio- If You Have The Means, I Highly Recommend Picking One Up
Steal My Body Home- Beck
My Dad Sucks- The Descendents
Many Rivers to Cross- Jimmy Cliff
PLanet of Sound- Pixies
The Right Profile- The Clash
Hip Hop- Dead Prez
La Cucaracha- MFM
Folsom Prison Blues- Johnny Cash
St. Louis Blues- Louis Prima
Rocker- Miles Davis
Two Reelers- Frank Black
Clint Eastwood- Gorillaz
Boogie Shoes- KC and the Sunshine Band
Crown of Love- The Arcade Fire
Don't Change Your Plans- Ben Folds Five
All My Life- Foo Fighters
Jesus Was Right- Frank Black
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds- The Beatles
Wave of Mutilation- Pixies
Let's Go Away For A While- The Beach Boys
Reelin' In The Years- Steely Dan

Hey Hippie, We're Totally Spreading the American Style of Government?

Trading individual liberties for a false sense of security. An executive that has given himself the authority of a tyrant. Randomly eavesdropping on the public to protect national security. Attributing domestic problems to some nebulous foreigner.

Oh those silly other people, when will they learn?

You know, white people in America are very concsious of racism... in other countries. At least some recent research suggests that white Americans can be very sympathetic and critical when analyzing racist and oppressive tendencies around the world but cannot apply the same template to America. According to the research they can even critically theorize about abstract and hypothetical situations, but when it comes to looking at domestic conditions it seems "we" largely imagine racism ended when Rosie Parkes became the first black bus driver or something like that. Other countries are backwards, undemocratic, oppressive, and racist. America suffers from too many lazy colored folks (even if those colored folks are, at one time or another in history, white- I'm thinking of those dirty papists that ruined America in previous centuries).

If you're too not white, I mean lazy, to check the link above, it's about Zimbabwe and their great leader's decisions. It's easy for us to see them as horribly backwards and too willing to submit to an over-reaching authority. It's probably because of their tradition of tribalism, a strong chief, or some other inherent, insurmountable condition (they're African). We could never fall victim to that because of our rich Western European- specifically English- heritage that deeply values freedom and distrusts consolidated power. Well you could never fall for that. I come from a Spanish and Latin American background- neither of which values the great Western tradition of political freedom. Unfair elections, militarism, selling public resources to the highest bidder, religious fanaticism- that's all I bring to the table. I'm sorry- but thank you, WHITE AMERICA (but I repeat myself) for keeping America scandal and oppression free and making it a shining example of freedom- so unlike the rest of the world- especially that horrible Zimbabwe.

Am I right or am I right?

Anyway, that tendency to not see what's going on in our own living rooms might mean something here. They're racist, I'm just honest. They lie and cheat, I'm just doing what I have to protect my interests. Something like that.

You Think You've Got Problems (No Question Mark)

When The Qweenbean and I divorce- Did I say, "when?" I mean if... If The Qweenbean and I ever divorce it will be because she has set two of the car radio buttons to Jesus stations. We don't have "her car" and "my car." We have "the car" and "the truck;" both used for their purpose by whomever has need. We both drive both vehicles pretty equally, so it seems neither of us should dominate the presets. Maybe one Jesus station I could tolerate. But two stations? And Star 98.7? To the exclusion of Indie and KPFK? Unacceptable.

All this is to qualify why I heard anything on the Jesus station- I think I need to assure you that I am still sufficiently jaded and detached... I suppose I could have said I was ironically listening to the Jesus station...

In any case, this morning I heard a spot for some car giveaway contest they have. At one time in churchy history, contests and raffle type events were malus in se- but apparently, just as a clearly evil song by the Cure or U2 can be sanctified and qualify for a Dove award when performed by some Tooth and Nail product (even without changing the lyrics or arrangement ), so can a game of chance be redeemed by its issuance. This radio station is holding a giveaway for givers. You nominate someone you think is worthy- someone who demonstrates what it means to be a giver, and somehow a winner is selected to receive two cars- one to keep and one to give away. I'm not sure if it's by voting or the abject appeal of the nominee, but I was lucky enough to hear one recorded nomination. I forget the name, but boy, was she a Christian hero: she suffered from multiple debilitating conditions that made getting about without a scooter difficult, she was in a great deal of physical pain, and she lost her home so rents a room from a friend. She suffers. That's why she's a giver.

Somebody misunderstands what it means to be a giver. I admit I am not the best Christian, so I may not understand what Christians mean when they say someone is a giver. Or maybe, the radio station plays a recording for every nominee, so this one nominator misunderstands what it means to be a giver. Or maybe the radio station misunderstands what it means to be a giver. I don't know for sure. For some reason, when asked to nominate a giver who deserves a car, so it seems at least two people, the nominator and the one who decided to put it on the air- thought suffering or misery made one a giver therefore a suitable contestant. Dumb. It seems to fit, though, with this greater phenomenon that I have encountered in my dance along the edges of Evangelical culture. Christians love a sad sack.

Many years ago, The Qweenbeen and I knew a girl that was quite a celebrity in our social circles. She had cancer. This opened all kinds of doors for her, she was made the central feature at someone else's wedding (the entire ceremony was oriented about how long and where she could stand), she was a marquee speaker at a Christian camp "decision night" (for those of you that don't know- "decision night" is the moment at the end of a long week of social coercion, little sleep, physical exertion, protein deprivation, and dehydration wherein children are asked if they want to be like the leaders around them and accept Jesus.). She shared how her family rejected her because they didn't want a kid with cancer, how she suffered but God kept her alive well past the point doctors said she should be dead, how she experienced miraculous healing of tumors, and if she could go through so much and believe what was stopping anyone else. I don't remember the details but she said she had some type of cancer that was definitely going to do her in. Soon. All of this suffering brought out so much good in people. People opened their homes, prayed over her, took her to the doctor, defended her against jerks like me who said, "I thought chemo was supposed to make you lose weight." And because of all of this goodness in the face of suffering, wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles God took a tailor by the hand- I mean this little lady is still alive, and last I heard, sharing her cancer experiences with another group.

When I once asked why she wasn't dead yet, after years and years of what was supposed to be a very aggressive terminal cancer, I got the same type of looks I would get when I naively suggested that there seems to be a different order of creation in each of the Genesis accounts (don't worry, it was well before I was really a Christian- now I know how to read), or the same look one might still get today if they prayed for enemies in a way that didn't imply we want it to be easier for THE TROOPS to kill them.

I wish I could say I was prescient or had so much insight into the human psyche that I saw her game- but really, I'm just a jerk. Turns out, she was a faker. A pretty good faker. She was shaving her head, marking up her body for her radiation treatment, injecting herself with saline, walking around with an IV, researching what her symptoms should be, collapsing, getting cold, etc... She seemed to be going through the things someone with cancer would be going through- except, the people that I know who have really had cancer didn't do any of the things at which she became a virtuoso. Now that I mention it, the people I know who really have had cancer, especially the ones who died, were very different from this girl. Different enough to be described as almost exactly opposite. They seemed to lack the desperation and desire for notoriety. Their private suffering, humor, dignity, moments of anger, resignation, and general effort to get on with life were as different from her aggressive pathos as genuine conversation is from movie dialogue. But plenty of people were looking for someone to play a part- someone to say, "I'm an alcoholic, Kyle... an alcoholic."

Sad that life in Christ is ostensibly supposed to be waking life, real life, but we so often choose slumber or to trip through existence playing prescribed roles. Sadder that we so often choose the pathetic roles we do. It seems like we know our hearts of stone need be replaced, but we choose plastic over flesh.

Lame.

I'm a Proverbs 31:7 Husband

"P31 dolls are specifically designed to provide a Bible-based, Christian alternative to other secular toys on the market, and to encourage young girls to pursue biblical womanhood. Elisabeth stands 18 inches tall, has beautiful blue eyes, long blonde hair, and a contemporary outfit. Elisabeth comes with an accessory kit, containing a Bible lesson (based on Proverbs 31:20), two cookie-cutters, a cookie recipe, and a list of exciting activities."

Now that I know something like this is available, I no longer worry about daughters being raised by dads with Skin Industries shirts or mothers with those stupid stripper posed angel and devil window decals. Now all I have to worry about is the little girls who play with these dolls growing up to marry closeted homosexuals and getting a divorce after they've produced another generation of marriage-loving Christians.

But hey- there's at least one thing off of my list to pray about.

I'm guessing P 31 stands for Proverbs 31- as in girls should be raised to be like the woman described in Proverbs 31. I guess that because the doll comes with a Bible lesson based on Proverbs 31:20. Who knows what I'd be willing to give for a copy of that lesson?

Just to mention it in passing, is the blanched pallor of death skin tone really fitting for a girl who's supposed to be out planting vineyards?

An Open Letter, Ostensibly Addressed to The Guy In Red Robin Wearing a Skin Industries Shirt While Holding a Three or Four Year Old Girl, But Possibly- Obliquely Addressed to God

If you've given it any thought at all, I bet you imagine that your daughter is too young to think anything of the Skin Industries logo on your t-shirt. It's entirely possible that it goes unnoticed by her. She may not be able to articulate what the image is, let alone what it might mean. She may eventually have no conscious memory of this shirt, but as it's been said about things like this, "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall." Someday, just like you, she might think strippers are cool. Or maybe she'll just smother herself in the hyper-sexualized caricature of "woman" that you've made the wallpaper of her life. This is how we create the things we do without thinking. This is how we create people who internalize and gladly participate in their own destruction.
But then again, I don't- I can't have any children so I'm probably talking out my butt.

Everyday It's Something Hits Me Oh So Cold

Only one post since July 1st? Really!? What else could I have been doing that mattered more than this? I hope I've at least been watching a lot of TV.

Nothing Bad Ever Happens To Me

Hola, amigos, I know it's been a while since I rapped at you but I've been trying to mellow out.* I've been trying to mellow out in a couple of ways. As avid readers may remember, I have been troubled by developments in our Yearly Meeting cum Annual Conference- specifically, by the content of the tellingly not infamous Who We Are pamphlet- and generally, by the communal context that overlooks, let alone, embraces it. I am troubled because it represents a shallowness of hope and thought and because it suggests that I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.

It's probably not necessary to go into what is WRONG with the pamphlet... Do I mean that? WRONG? I do- though not in a sense that someone is saying red is green. Nor is it a case of someone saying strawberry is the best flavor for ice cream. I mean I cannot find my place in it now and if it truly represents who we want to be then I cannot share that goal. It's WRONG in that sense.

But I've already said that. What I haven't said, or haven't explained, is that I am trying to mellow out. I've been asking myself why I care. I don't mean that in a nihilistic, it's all vanity way. I mean, what is it about this that makes me care? The best I've been able to get at is how do I care. Since I am concerned, how should I approach the issue? I shared these thoughts at our last Ministry and Counsel meeting (I think we're still allowed to call it that in our Annual Conference). They are helpful questions- queries- for me to always bear in mind for any type of congregational business. That's nice. Anytime I get at this issue, though, I am discouraged; when I confront myself at the heart of this concern, "Why do I care?" becomes, "Why should I care?" If it is not something that other people are concerned with, why should I bother? I don't mean this to suggest I should be apathetic. I mean, if this is what this community is about- how do I have a place in it? I've showed up to play football at a baseball field. How much sense does it make to suggest everyone else is wrong for wanting to play baseball- especially if others elsewhere are playing football, and should I join them, I could be made a better football player? I use the sports analogies because apparently that's what effective leaders do now.

The Blonde Buddha says I need to exhaust that line of thought. (Blonde Buddha is a much better interblog disguise than a lengthy palindrome.)

Maybe.

It also seems, when I ask "Why do I care?" that this becomes to me like a fight over paint color. It is easy to discuss why one shade is better than an other and feel like something is accomplished when we finally decide on a color but it's not the heart of who we are. It is not meaningless- we probably invest a great deal of meaning in colors, design, accessories, and structure. That's fine- we maybe should do that at some point. However, we will go on doing the things that we do- we will go on doing the things that really say, "This is who we are," no matter what colors the walls are. The color might say "This is who we want to be," but that it is something we can see as possibly contentious or meaningful is more revealing about who we are than the color we ultimately choose in the hope that it says, "We are a purple people- a people that values and strives to be purple." Purple might mean something- and be a thing to discuss and get just right in a certain context, but while we're talking about what it means to be purple and making sure we understand its implications it becomes for us more than a discussion; it becomes our meaning. Don't get me wrong- I believe it is important that what we can say is said clearly and if we are going to say this is "Who We Are" and want to be, we should be clear and thoughtful in it. But saying anything is just another thing we do. What we choose to think we could or should say about anything can say more about who we are than the words we think say anything. Some of it is embarrassing. Or less sympathetically, and perhaps more clearly, is this the equivalent of frat boys arguing the merits of Natural Light over Keystone? Once we're at that point we're finished, right? I feel that if I engage in this discussion I am losing a part of me- a part that feels that following Christ has to mean something more and be deeper than an appreciation for cheap beer. Maybe that window is closed.

It seems that a good number of the conversations that need to take place, or that I think should take place in our Annual Conference already happened in our Yearly Meeting... fifty years ago. The choices that led to the debate over Natural Light versus Keystone have already been made. Long ago, those who looked to "the young Negro students of our country"** as an example rather than a threat went someplace else. I wonder if a long time ago some made the decision to march on Washington while others stayed home. The ones who stayed home started running the shop and now I'm looking for something they don't sell. It's pretty foolish of me to ask for an egg if all they sell are scorpions.

So what is the energy for? Who does it help? Mellow out indeed.

And All The Terrible Things Happen Down The Road To Someone Else That I Don't Know
All Day and All of the Night- The Kinks
War Within a Breath- Rage Against the Machine
Martha My Dear- The Beatles
Little Ghost- The White Stripes
Come Into My Life-Jimmy Cliff
New Killer Star- David Bowie
Search And Destroy- The Stooges
Misery- Howlin' Wolf
Body Movin' The Beastie Boys
Laird Baird- Charlie Parker
Get It Together- The Beastie Boys
Narcolepsy- Ben Folds Five
Louder Than a Bomb- Public Enemy
Doll Parts- Hole
Tiffany Hall- The Coup
I Think I Smell A Rat- The White Stripes
Oh Lately It's Oh So Quiet- OK Go
Electro-Shock Blues- Eels
Another Tape Demo- Quasimoto


*If anyone other than The Blonde Buddha or The Loveshark valued my interweb games there would be a fabulous prize for anyone who identified the allusion in the title or the first line. But no one else does, so there will be no Village People albums for anyone.
**A real quote from 1960 YM.

My Neighbors Keep Setting Off Explosives (Fireworks) In Their Backyard. It Makes My Dogs Bark

I don't know if you heard this or not- last week some English speaking people were inconvenienced by a couple of... well not car bombs exactly... Car devices. Some English speaking people were inconvenienced by car devices. It was all over the news. If you missed it check the links. I wouldn't recommend you search "London Car Bombs." You'd probably get a bunch of information on the IRA and other stuff you'd have to dismiss as crazy. I mean, white people- well, Irish people- as terrorists? That's absurd. But these almost events were all the rage on the 24 Hour news channels, newspapers, and the internets.

Really... you hadn't heard?

Well, in London, quick thinking paramedics identified a device that was releasing some horribly unpleasant odors and smoke. Police immediately responded and this led to the discovery of another device that might have caused some serious temporary ear ringing if it had worked like a bomb rather than a smoke machine. Phew.

Elsewhere, Glasgow specifically, a car was set on fire and crashed into a building by someone that wasn't necessarily a drunken soccer fan.

These may seem like near misses or part of the Global War On A Concept to you, but I don't think this was terrorism. It all needs to be put into context. England just enacted a rather stringent smoking ban. Seriously. Doesn't it make more sense that these people were protesting the smoking ban rather than to accept that we're fighting "them" over here- albeit a "here" across the Atlantic?

Whatever the reasons, it sure was scary. I saw live footage of club employees being evacuated from work. They were so strong in their hounds tooth pants and cooking jackets- waving at the cameras from behind the news correspondents- bravely talking and laughing with each other.

Heroes really...

Oh and some more people were killed in Iraq or something.

I See Your Chair Has Four Legs, That Reminds Me of The Four Spiritual Laws...

I have a problem doing the Jesus hard-sell. I understand that for some this is the heart of what it means to be a Christian and because I'm not compelled to ask strangers what they think will happen to them when they die, I can't be a real Christian. This is a good as place as any to stop reading if that's the case.

I've tried it a couple of times, the "Can I interest you in some Jesus..." Rather, I've been a type of support person when others have done it. Like I said, I understand why someone would say this is the central piece of their faith- but it isn't for me. I guess that's that post-modern monster Relativor rearing its ugly head and that may be all you need to know what's wrong with me. (Actually, doesn't Relativor sound like a medication?) I get why some would feel that this is what they have to do- and they wouldn't characterize it as selling Jesus- but even as I understand it- "The Ask" never seems real to me and it's something I can't do.

I enjoy conversations of varying depth about things of faith and religion with people I know, but rarely... never... I can't recall. I'll say never -never have I pitched a lead, "led" them in "The Sinners Prayer," then rung a bell for my commission.

In any of those conversations, I've never finished with a, "So what's it gonna take to get you into a church today?" And I don't see myself doing it in the future.

I don't go for the soft sell either though.

The Onion AV Club blog has a brief entry today about Zune viral marketing parties. Someone... someones are paid by Microsoft to throw parties where a Zune is artfully but prominently featured as a necessity to the hipster's existence. Well, okay, not always artfully- but definitely prominently mentioned. It's supposed to make you want one.

So some schlup in a blue polo shirt at Best Buy tells you how much you might enjoy a Zune. You don't believe him- he's some schlup in a blue polo shirt at Best Buy. That won't do at all.

So you see a Zune ad where young good-looking people clearly enjoy life because of their Zunes. You feel good seeing that but you're smart so you say to yourself, "Oh that's just a commercial, it's totally constructed to get you to associate a Zune with good times and good looking people. A Zune might be cool- but the commercial is fake."

Then in real life, you're walking through a hall in your building and some guy you've seen a couple times invites you and your friends to a party where they'll be casually hanging out and listening to tunes on the Zune. It's weird that he mentions the Zune- but whatever, you're social, you go. And this regular person is living it. This regular person is popular, they give you booze- or whatever it is you like, they have lots of friends, good times surround them- and they want you to have a part in that good life. It's authentic. This Zune life is real. They say you can have a Zune and enjoy life as much as they do. Well maybe not you specifically- or you at all- your friend you brought with you will do just as well. And if not them, then the next person to walk through that door. Or some other person, some other day.

You don't matter as much as spreading Zune does. Well, who you are doesn't matter- so you can't afford it, or you don't really listen to music, or you find Microsoft's business practices troubling, or you think a world with everyone running around isolated by headphones is disturbing- whatever, this is Zune, and it's Zune that matters, not your petty concerns and causes or your distorted ideas about Microsoft's success and dominance.

Besides, in a way, by wanting you to have Zune, or at least presenting you the opportunity to receive Zune, you kind of matter- well, not you per se- but the you that you could be if you accepted Zune- the you that Zune exists for. Your neighbor ultimately cares about Zune. But Zune is so great; this thing you can carry around with you and show off, this thing that indicates a good life and good feelings, this thing that shows you've come around to a certain way of being- the Zune way of being- it's kind of like caring about you by sharing Zune with you. It's like an abstract, non-existent, incidental you kind of matters. It's like caring about the idea of you.

Should I belabor the connection I see with certain types of evangelism?

Third Prize Is You're Fired
Girl You Have No Faith In Medicine- The White Stripes
One Way Ticket to Pluto- Dead Kennedys
I Know There's an Answer- The Beach Boys
Liar- Sex Pistols
Rouge- Miles Davis
Unheard Music- X
Many Rivers to Cross- Jimmy Cliff
Broken Face- The Pixies
Fiddle About- The Who
I Don't Really Love You Anymore- The Magnetic Fields
Underture- The Who
Changes- Jimi Hendrix
Hell Is Chrome- Wilco
American Idiot- Green Day
High- Tripping Daisy
Rikki Don't Lose That Number- Steely Dan
Miracle Drug- U2
Wind Chimes- Brian Wilson
Spunky- The Eels
I'm The One- Descendents
I'm Having a Heart Attack- They Might Be Giants

Gay Bomb

"A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting."

CBS News

It turns out the Pentagon is run by Jr. Highers.

This explains the new uniforms made of rubber- unfortunately we couldn't get our enemies to wear suits of glue...

Or maybe the strange obsession with a caricaturized homosexuality explains the suits of rubber.

...

I hadn't realized it was a challenge to get soldiers interested in sex. In fact,* certain strains of chlamydia are so evolved/intelligently designed that they hover in clouds over military barracks.

*By "In fact," I mean "as a joke."

...

How's this add anything?

I thought that fighting was often a surrogate for sex. A twisted, sad, disturbing, and destructive surrogate- but surrogate nonetheless. So how does making soldiers more interested in sex take them away from fighting? Never mind the history of phallic weaponry, enhancing codpieces, etc..., just watch how intensely homo-erotic Ultimate Fighting is.