Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Some of My Best Friends...


In an experiment in online diarying excellence I will begin sharing posting responsibilities.

It's an experiment I've been intending for some time, but as long time readers of my tubejournal may know, the universe is cruel but also, I am a lazy, lazy man. Now though, I will, as time and pertinence permit, share the posting duties with very special guests.

So without further ado, I hand over the reins to Ham on White.

Why am I Ham on White?

Oh, it's just a pseudonym. Everybody gets one.

I know, but why Ham on White?

Meh, because you're White.

Yeah, but other white people you mention aren't labeled White.

No, yeah, sure, but you're really White.

What do you mean "really White". That doesn't even make sense. I'm just white.

That's why. Because you believe there is such a thing as "just white". You say you're just white; you don't see that White is really about erasing identity or creating the idea of "the one" cultural standard. It's a little like the human equivalent of labeling foods as ethnic. Mexican food is just food, Chinese food is just food, but when we use those labels, it's to create a certain idea of food as different- an idea that doesn't really correspond to the foods in the places we call Mexico or China anyway, but it's a description of food that depends on something being normal and something being different and the imagined culture relative to each.

Right, it is different. We call it "Mexican food" because we know it's not regular food. What's wrong with that?

See, it's that idea of something being "not regular" that makes you Ham On White. It's that you think that there is something regular and then difference from that. It's that you think there really is some thing that is standard, and then some thing that is Black, some thing that is Mexican, some thing Chinese. Whatever. It's that standard- that power to create and use identity, whether it's the standard or the other that is White. In this case, those categories exist because of and for racism.

What? I'm racist because I'm White?

Short answer, yes. You can only be White because of racist categories. You only see these differences because of your racist eyes.

So are you saying I'm racist just because I see differences? That's absurd. It doesn't mean I hate Mexican food just because I can see that it's different. Why would it follow that I hate Black people or Yellow people just because they're Black or Yellow.

No, it's not that you see difference. It's what this difference means and what counts as difference to you that makes you racist. It's about the possibility of that category at all. You are not just noticing that you have a different color skin than someone- as if you were noticing they wear glasses, you have a blue sweater, they have curly hair, you have a zit on your forehead, they are six feet tall. It's what the difference means and carries. It seems that for you, a racist is someone who actively hates someone of a different race. I know you believe you would never dream of going out of your way to hurt anyone because of their skin color. But you live in and depend on a way of being that requires this categorization by something called race- which isn't really anything at all- it exists for domination. It is a kind of difference that depends on injustice.

Do you realize what you just said? You're saying Black people exist because of injustice. Is it wrong that Black people exist?

You're missing the point if you think I'm saying a difference in skin color, or even noticing difference is wrong.

Look at me, I know Black people. I work with, well no I don't work with Black people. You know I don't even think Black people come to clean this building. That's weird. They're Mexicans or something. How about that? But, you know, I don't freak out when I see a Black person. I don't automatically lock my car doors when there's a Black person in the cross walk. And look, I'm talking to you, right? If I were a racist would I be talking to you?

Yes. But if it's any consolation, you're supposed to be racist. And when you think about it, it's an advantage. First of all, you are mired in this racist atmosphere but you don't see it because it's just the way it is. You are racist, but you see it as normal and not racist, so when you are challenged by your racism, you get to be indignant rather than repentant. I mean look at you- You're a decent guy. You work hard. You go to church. You don't use the "N word". You readily condemn something like lynching in the past or Nazi skinheads today. How could you be racist?

Exactly, I couldn't be.

Is America ready for a Black president?

What?

Is America ready for a Black president?

I don't know. Maybe. It depends on who it is. If you're talking about Obama, maybe. If he gets past some of the things I know people aren't comfortable with, like his pastor, or Ludacris, or his elitism, or his name even. Anyway, doesn't the fact that he could even run for president, and really run, not like Jesse Jackson, show we're not really racist? I don't know, it's a good question though.

No, it's a stupid question that can only mean something in a racist world. Obviously, there is an amount of legal institutional oppression that has been addressed , but that these categories and questions can exist show how we see the world through racist eyes. And you buy it whole hog.

Argh, wasn't this supposed to be a guest posting? Why are you even writing any of this? I have something else to say and I resent your hijacking this post and the suggestion that I am racist simply because I think White and Black people are different.

Okay, go ahead then.

Well, I forgot what I was going to say. Oh right- I was going to explain why you shouldn't let your daughter listen to rap music, but maybe I'll save that for some other time.

Okay, I look forward to it. Thanks

Monday, August 11, 2008

Just Because You're Paranoid


Though I think my internets journal is a gift to the soul, others may think there is nothing edifying to this- it's merely self-indulgent claptrap. Well, without conceding it may be the latter, I offer this.

On the scale of what is good for you it may not be much, but, and this is an important but, when I last went to vote, I discovered I had been removed from the voter list. That was a drag. I don't know why, and neither does anyone else. Or at least, if anyone does know, they're not telling me. I have been voting in every election at the same place for almost a decade now, but last election my name was gone. Crazy, no?

The above link allows you to verify your registration and avoid any possible frustration or anxiety that follow from knowing your name has mysteriously disappeared from the voter rolls.

It also signs you up to receive propaganda but you can unsubscribe easily enough.

So, even if you are so blinded by the spirit of the Anti-Christ* that the rest of my internets log does not speak to the condition of your soul, perhaps this little link may still be of use to you.

Enjoy

* I love that line.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

I For One Welcome Our New Masters


I made a perhaps too subtle reference to the anniversary of our glorious triumph over man and nature. This post may be in the same vein but in another direction. I suppose making the metaphor and its carried meaning deadly- (I mean a vein's flowing in reverse can't be a good thing).

Anyway, back when we were becoming death, the various science type persons on the Manhattan Project were given a survey asking how they thought the subsequently created device should be used. At one point, a demonstration that privately showed the power of the weapon to Japanese mucky-mucks, a demonstration that did not include use on a civilian population, was a viable option. That action was one of the survey options.

Of course we know now that it was only possible to get reliable data on the long term human consequences of the bombs by actually using them on actual humans. Anything else would have been purely academic. Plus there was the added bonus of scaring the shit out of the Soviets and letting the whole world know we were the one's in charge of this new order of new maps, stabilized currencies, world banking, and neo-colonialism. (Oh right, I use the word "shit" in this post. Language warning and all that. You know in case your nuclear era delicacies make you sensitive to that word.)

It was necessary to commit a very public act of power that showed the whole world just how great, if not wonderful, we were. We were revealing just what kind of benevolent world dictator we would be. How fitting that today's dubious commemorations should come so closely to yesterday's accomplishments.


It's not quite full circle. I mean to go from Berlin 1936 to Beijing 2008 may be a circuit, but we can't leave out August 1945 for its world stage performative relevance. What is that? An ellipse?

Friday, August 08, 2008

The Jokes Just Write Themselves


Russia moves closer to war with Georgia over South Osseti

"The Georgian Foreign Ministry, meanwhile, issued a statement calling on the international community to 'give Russia the message that invading the territory of a sovereign state and bombing its territory is unacceptable in the 21st century.'"

LA Times

Where's he been?

Thursday, August 07, 2008

A City on a Hill


Pakistan's ruling coalition parties say they will begin impeachment proceedings against President Pervez Musharraf.
BBC News

Ugh. Those poor Pakistanis struggling with democracy. I don't mean struggling as they are with military juntas, the assassinations of opposition leaders, ensuring free and fair elections. I mean their struggle to understand, as we clearly do, that impeachment has no place in a democracy.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

The Marketplace of Ideas


EXT. DOWNTOWN STOREFRONT - MIDDAY
People and vehicles move across frame. One person exits store looking beleaguered carrying a large heavy wooden cross perhaps expressing something like buyer's remorse. CUSTOMER on the street lets person clumsily pass and then enters the store himself.

INT. SOFTLY LIT RETAIL "LIFESTYLE SENSITIVE SHOPPING ENVIRONMENT", AN ENGINEERED SENSE OF ECLECTIC, BUT HIGH END, NOVELTY - TIME OF DAY IS INDISCERNIBLE FROM INSIDE

CUSTOMER enters store and casually looks around. He is soon, but not too quickly, greeted by a CLERK

CLERK
Hi welcome to Reflections, can I help you with anything today?

CUSTOMER
I hope so. I'm looking for a God.

CLERK
Well then you've come to the right place. Did you have a particular God in mind?

CUSTOMER
Oh I dunno. What's your most popular?

CLERK

(Searching shelves and then retrieving and showing Customer a picture of Bahá'u'lláh.)

Well we have a few that are very popular right now... What do you think of this?

CUSTOMER
That's God?

CLERK
Yes, well the Supreme Manifestation of God at least.

CUSTOMER

(Gestures around face and neck as if stroking an imaginary beard.)

Ehh... I don't know... he seems kind of...



CLERK

(Answering for Customer.)

Beardy?


CUSTOMER

(Quickly adding.)

And old-

CLERK
Yes bearded and old are standard with most of our Gods.

CUSTOMER

(Carefully searching the displays then excitedly pointing to a God of gold calligraphy.)

Yeah I see... Oh, what's that one?

CLERK

(Going to display and grabbing God to hand to Customer.)


Ah yes, the name of God. One of our most popular.

CUSTOMER
Squiggles uh- can I see it?

CLERK

(Handing God to Customer.)


If I may, it looks very good on you.

CUSTOMER

(Looking at self in mirror.)

Yeah, it's pretty good... I like that it's shiny. I dunno. Seems kinda' pokey in some places


(Handing it back.)

Maybe I don't want something too popular...

CLERK

(Sizing up the Customer.)

Hmm... perhaps you'd like something a bit more... Classic! I'll be right back.



(Clerk goes to the back. Customer searches the displays alone, examining the different Gods. He knocks two arms off of one multi-armed deity and self-consciously tries to cover it up. Clerk returns, bringing a statue of Zeus and picture of Centeotl from back.)

CLERK
I think you might like these. Zeus and Centeotl.

CUSTOMER

(Taking the Zeus statue and examining him.)

He's beardy too... But I like that he looks so regal and majestic

CLERK
He should. He's the king of the Gods.

CUSTOMER
Huh- King of the Gods? That sounds pretty good... Why's he the king?

CLERK
Well he killed his father, thereby rescuing his brothers, whom his father had eaten, and then with his sister fathered many of the other Gods, so they all kind of owed it to him-

CUSTOMER

(Thrusting back Zeus in disgust.)

Ugh- with his sister?! That's awful!

CLERK

(To himself but still answering the Customer.)

Yeah there's a lot of incest with these Gods... And their early creations... Makes some of them a tougher sell...

(He speaks fully to the Customer again.)

You're right, you don't want him. It gets worse, he liked to turn into an animal to seduce virgins. But what about Centeotl- he's primarily the God of corn.

CUSTOMER

(Beginning to show his confusion and frustration.)

Corn?

CLERK

(Sensing the Customer's disbelief.)

Well... it's pretty important to some people.


(Now the Customer is looking as if he's losing interest and takes in the store's full pantheon with a mixture of reluctance and disgust.)


CUSTOMER
I guess what I'm really looking for is just something to justify my existence. You know, to maybe make me feel a little more secure, like I'm okay and despite all the craziness everything else is gonna be okay too. I dunno. Do I even need a God for that?

CLERK
Oh sure, and just about any of these can do that.

CUSTOMER
Really?

CLERK
Sure. I think we can set you up with a really nice God if that's what you're looking for.

CUSTOMER
All right. But nothing too expensive.

CLERK
Of course not, I think you will be quite pleased


EXT. DOWNTOWN STOREFRONT - MIDDAY
CUSTOMER exits store wearing an NOTW hat or some such like that. Walks out of frame.

FO

Wait, I Thought You Could Do That in Texas


Texas Executes Mexican Killer Amid International Protests
LA Times

Oh, I see what they mean.

Please, This Is Supposed To Be a Happy Occasion, Let's Not Bicker and Argue Over Who Killed Who


Well maybe not never again.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

It's Like I Care Too Much


Classic Grandpa once described me as offering golden word juices for the world to love. Or something like that. Whatever he precisely said, it was a beautiful image appropriate to the mission of my lame online diary. But this mission doesn't only include making my life-giving mind drippings available, it also involves pointing out where else one may find vital language fluids. Here is one example. It is especially helpful if you, as the author suggests, are confused about why you ought to be afraid of Obama. "Is he a radical Islamist terrorist, or a reverse-racist Christian fanatic? Is he a fist-bumping ghetto gangsta, or an arugula-munching metrosexual elitist? Is he too black, or not black enough?"

I Say Potato, You Say... Wait, How's That Gonna' Work


Sometimes people who feel the need to justify why they are not a Christian via Christianity's many foibles use the division of Christian traditions/denominations as a reason to reject the ideas and practices of Christianity. Does that make sense? What I mean is, for some it's possible to look at all the various and incompatible yet passionately defended expressions of Christianity as evidence that there can't be anything worth committing to, with the infighting itself providing a "See, it's all bunk," opportunity.

First of all, people looking for that opportunity should realize it's perfectly acceptable to be indifferent to all manner of things. I think we are blessed to live in an age wherein it is unnecessary (more and more so anyway) to justify why one would not be a Christian alongside the many other things that one is not. Go with it. You don't live with Bushido, or feudalism, or Magik, or Shaktism, or chivalry and you do so- or do not do so- without justification. That's fine. It can be just like that if you let it.

Just leave it alone. No. Stop. Don't pick at it or mess with it. Go on, you have nothing to say with it.

Hmm... Maybe, if you can't stop, it's likely because it's more a part of you than you'd like it to be, in which case you're stuck with it. Sorry.

Secondofly, haven't you heard the justification that denominations/traditions are like different flavors of the same thing? Each denomination contributes something unique to the broader body but is uniquely for itself. You could say it's similar to what happens when ordering a pizza for a large number of people. I like mushrooms but not olives. So-and-so likes olives but hates onions. She likes pineapple but won't eat meat. Who's-his-face has to have anchovies. What's-his-stink likes everything except bell peppers. It's a big confusing mess, but when we all come together and make our contribution we finally have something we can all agree on and consume: a pizza with half cheese and half everything from which some people can pick off the things they don't like. It's like that, right? Or it's like a restaurant that serves something for everyone. It's all one pizza or it's all one restaurant so there's really not the division that some people see. It's all a matter of flavors and preferences piled on top of the dough in the pizza trope or prepped by Latin American immigrants in the back a la the kitchen metaphor. Isn't it one big happy family of consumption?

Ugh, really? You think so? How could you think something like that? Your faith as a matter of consumption and no more than aesthetic preference? Yeegads that's awful. How much more shallow could we be? He likes dunking but she likes sprinkling; we say Jesus is in the cracker but they say around, but who cares because those are matters of taste? Yeesh.

A friend and I, The Brownloveshark, if you must know, were talking about the Lord's Supper (as it's called in some places) this past weekend and I was getting all excited about the possible beauty of a Friends perspective on the matter. I was also getting pretty despondent about the emptiness of some of our actual Friends practices and statements about it. But then I was quickly cycling back to optimism in thinking about the allowance for the diversity of practices that are technically possible given our position on the matter in our present version of Faith and Practice. Then I took a nap with my baby. Then I made dinner.

Anyway, I don't believe that one who says "Jesus is literally in this piece of bread" is in the same camp as one who says "around" the piece of bread nor are they of the same camp that says, "Skip the bread all together." Same camp? Pfft. It's not even the same planet. Those are completely different ways of seeing the world, of understanding how humanity relates to divinity and vice versa. I don't believe Jesus is literally in a piece of bread, or around a piece of bread, or symbolically present with a piece of bread (though I will drink wine) and not believing those things is at the core of the content of my faith which is my relating to God. I will say though, if you believe that a piece of bread is somehow a conduit for God's love, if you really believe that, you'd better eat that bread as a matter of relating to God. I don't so I won't. But whether one does or not, it's a matter of the most important type of commitment and a source for the deepest kind of difference.

Really.

It's not the same thing. However in our present Evangelical context we try to overcome that difference by saying we are united by agreement in the doughy core of faith. (Well, some Evangelicals are more honest and say Catholics aren't a part of the deal, though how they then excuse Lutherans and Episcopalians is a matter of dishonesty. But it's the best kind of dishonesty: religious.) So our written statements of faith carry the life of our bodies and we say if we agree on these basics then there is no division among one group that says by practice you really must consume God's grace through this bread and another that by practice says we symbolize the reception of God's grace in ritually eating this bread, or between one that says in its actions women are by their very nature unable to have religious authority over men and another that says in its actions men are just as qualified as women to be church leaders (see what I did there?), or one group that shows marriage is only for the pairing of a penis and a vagina and another that shows... Oh wait, no. Not that last one. They are out of the fold no matter what they say. Am I right? (High five). My point is, this Statement of Faith phenomenon, this imposition of agreement is a type of unity, but it is not the unity of "The Lord's Supper" or anything that might be called "good news".

I suppose it's necessary, if we're committed to an idea of God bound to a kind of geometric certainty that these very real differences be washed away so the diversity of practices give way to a unity of statements. After all, it's not a very coherent world that would have Jesus present in a piece of bread and not present in a piece of bread. So, in a world of certainty we skip over the bread and emphasize the Jesus, but by emphasizing the Jesus we destroy the practices in which Jesus is known in life, well at least the lives people live as existing humans. But who told you to be committed to an idea of God bound to geometric certainty? Well, aside from those silly men who got all wrapped up in their Logic or Philosophy 101 classes and parlayed that into Christian radio shows, who told you? We, well Christian "wes" are not committed to a broad philosophical or logical concept of God; we say we're into the God revealed by the story of the Bible. But, and this is a big "but" we often seem to think that this God revealed in the Bible should be like the God of Philosophy 101 and that puts us right back into this whitewashed Christianity trap. (See how unfortunate it can be to take your college underclass years too seriously?)

Pathetic.

As Friends, sometimes we say that our practice of Open Worship is Communion. We've come together as like-minded people, we've sung this, we've read that, we've said such and such, and now we have a time to reflect on what we've sung, read, and said and if inclined, share those reflections with others.* And that's pretty good. I mean, to get people who, if pressed, would be revealed as more different than similar to come together in an act of devotion is laudable. In this respect, the pizza bit is maybe something to affirm. But insofar as it remains a matter of conformity to these external media, it's not communion. Maybe we could call it looking in the same direction, collective worship, sharing in devotion, shared assent and affirmation, something like that. But when we call it communion, well, that's where I say it's a sad thing if only because we settle for less (I say "if only" because I'm sure it's more). It's one of the sadder aspects of Evangelical Friends that we confuse the Word of God with the word of God and imagine an awkward and wooden conformity to the latter can be communion with the former.

That we can collectively say "P-I-G" means "pig" is a simple matter of human cleverness and should not be called communion. Our getting together periodically to say "God is big, hooray" is of similar stuff. It may take a degree of work and ultimately be impressive, but let's not call it communion. It is us becoming and being with us. Or if I make a concession and say it's a kind of communion, I can only say it's communion among humans. Again, given our histories and regular demonstrations of how divided we are, human communion could sometimes be a step in the right direction, but a step that should be taken cautiously given our tendency to replace division with domination. But God with us communion, something divine and transcendent, the communion of the Word taking on a body and setting up his tent among us, that is something else. Unfortunately through what we've sometimes accepted as communion, we make it all the more difficult to be struck with the divine.

When we come together, in our Evangelical Friends Meetings for example, we do so as people who are on the same page. We are an "us". And as I've said already, that being "us" is not communion. Saying "God is big" in unison is not the rending of the veil that opens the Holy of Holies. It may, at times, most times, create a thicker and thicker insulation that adapts us to each other but prevents us from being in communion with God. The process of becoming more and more adjusted to each other does create community, but it depends on exclusion. The unity of those who know "P-I-G" is pig is not the fellowship, to refer to a model, of a Gentile and a Jew, a woman and a man, a free person and a slave, clean and unclean sharing a table. I don't mean there is a miracle in the meal, I mean that there could be a meal is the miracle. The revolutionary, dying to one's self, new life grace, is not the act but is seen in the act of people who ought not be together sitting at a table with each other.

I suppose we can say there's magic in some food and when we eat it we take in God. We could also replicate 1st c. Asia Minor to the last detail and say we are part of the same community as the true church so we have communion when that is done. Or maybe we can be more sophisticated and pick certain practices and rules we think are mentioned in the Bible that ought to be retained and repeated and somewhere in that is communion. No one will stop us. But I think as Friends we can have something else, especially when we recognize silence is not for reflecting on what we've said or done but on what God does do. Silence is not the thing we must do to build unity, but the starting point to seeing our practices as the barriers that God overcomes. It's the reminder that all our language fails, even, especially even our well-crafted statements of faith. It's the recurring starting point of a life together in solidarity through difference rather than an erasure of difference. It is knowing and showing that Christ is here to teach us.

We have the faintest hint of that in our current version of Faith and Practice (I'd better be careful or it may not be in the next). Of course there's a whole lot of else and inertia to deal with and most people don't want to do that even on their best days, and with our ever-growing fear of difference and willingness to draw faithless lines in the sand, we may not be presently experiencing our "best days".

But we can hope, and you know what they say, "Poop in one hand, hope in the other, and see which fills first." Oh wait, that's not encouraging.


*Of course, not every meeting in our Yearly Meeting cum Annual Conference practices Open Worship nor would they say this is a description of how they do it if they did. Whatever.

Monday, August 04, 2008

The End


It was only a few days later that Zachary Baumkletterer collapsed over his desk at work. Tom Houston and Hilary Whitaker carried him down to the first aid room, where the nurse said his pulse was weak but not too bad, but she would like to be on the safe side. So she called an ambulance, and they took him to City Hospital.
Two days later, because Zack didn't have any family, it was Mr. Pencewaite and Pastor Westman who appeared before Judge Larner, along with the Resident from the hospital, and they all agreed that the best thing would be to commit Zack to the Maplewood Neuro-Psychiatric Institute on a temporary basis.
The doctor there says he is making very good progress. Only yesterday he told Mr. Pencewaite that Zack could probably be discharged and go back to work in a couple weeks.
"I can practically guarantee that he'll be as good as new, fully cured," he said. "Some of the treatments we have now are just amazing. And when the hair grows back over his temple you won't even be able to see the scar."

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Nag, Nag, Nag


"Finally I made my choice. I would give my place in the boat to someone in the water, and I would see what it was like to swim for a while instead of sailing. If it turns out that Hardin is wrong after all - if there really is room enough in the boats - then if I'm still around when the others have gotten in I'll be glad to get back in too. I don't want to die. I would be glad to live in God's world. But if Hardin is right... Well, a lot of dark faces disappeared while I sat in the lifeboat. Maybe God will call this white face to join them."
Zack's voice was soft as he ended, hardly to be heard. He did not look at the other man now. And in the quiet moment that washed over the two of them there the Pastor paused, too, thinking that there were not many in his congregation like this man. Nor did he easily think of anything to say, though he had no question at all about the direction which his remarks should take. But he knew he had to say something, and so, after the pause, he said, "Zack, I wouldn't for the world want to say or do anything that would dampen your zeal for the Lord, nor, for that matter, to question the seriousness of the problem you're tackling. It does seem to me, though, that we need to combine zeal with God-given wisdom and knowledge. Could we agree on that for a start?"
Zack said yes, he could, and that in fact was why he was attracted to Hardin, although his choice differed from Hardin's in the end.
"Well then, frankly," the Pastor continued, "doesn't it seem to you that you could do the poor of the world more good by seeing to it that you stay in shape to live out your normal life and to work in the normal way, giving a part of your income over many years to the relief agencies, rather than giving so much now that soon you won't be able to work at all and maybe even die prematurely?"
Zack looked at him and said, "I don't know. Do you think I could?"
"I've got no doubt of it at all." As he said it he thought to himself that maybe this simple observation was all that Zack needed. But as soon as he had that thought he had a second one, more doubtful.
"I've thought about it a lot," Zack began. "I thought of it myself, of course, before I really cut down. And people at the office have suggested it, and Mr. Pencewaite, and now you. But I still don't know. You see, if I died somebody would move into my job, and he'd leave a vacancy and someone would move into that, and so on. Maybe at the bottom of the line somewhere someone would get a job which would make the difference in his surviving. And if I die I'll be leaving a part of the world's food and resources-the part I'd consume if I lived - for someone else. On the other hand, maybe the poor would be better off if I stayed around. I really don't know.
"One thing, though. I think it would be suspicious if the people who decided who should live and who should not were deciding about their own case, too - especially if they generally decided that it would be better for the world if they themselves were to live. A Christian, anyway, has to remember how deceitful and wicked the human heart is. Sometimes I want a good meal so much that it just seems incredible to me that I could work out that computation in any unbiased way. If I had to depend on that I might just as well give up and order myself a big steak. It would be better if there were someone else, maybe in the church, someone we could trust, and who would make the judgment about us."
The Pastor moved a little. He was about to speak but Zack went on, not noticing him.
"I know you've just said that you think it would be better for the world if I lived. I hope you won't mind if I say that doesn't help me very much." And here Zack looked at the Pastor and then looked quickly away. "It's because you... well, you say it too quickly. You say it right off, as soon as the subject comes up. And that makes me think you don't say it because you know something about me and those other people and have thought a lot about what each of us contributes to the world. I think you say it mostly because we're friends and I'm a member of the congregation here and you love me."
Zack paused momentarily, and then went on.
"Or look at it this way. Is there anyone at all in our church to whom you would say that he should give up his place in the lifeboat so some black African could live? Maybe there is, but I don't think so. I don't imagine your saying that to anyone we know. I think you'd talk to everyone else in our church just as you talk to me. And, you see, it would seem to me if anyone claimed that it was better for the world as a whole for everyone here to have good food and plenty of clothes and a nice house and so on, while a lot of people starve in other parts of the world. It would seem odd to suppose that all the people here did the world so much more good than so many people elsewhere."
Zack shifted now in his chair and waited. But the Pastor did not speak, because in at least one thing Zack was right. He too could not imagine himself saying to any member of his congregation that he or she should starve so that some African might live.
Finally Zack went on.
"Anyway, that's what I come to when I follow that line of thought. But also, I'm not sure that whole line of thought, a sort of utilitarian adding up of the benefits and costs, is the right way to go about it. Most of the time, I guess, I think I ought to just go by what is right and fair and just, and leave the benefits and losses up to God. When I think that way I ask myself whether I have more right to a good dinner or a second suit of clothes than does any one of thousands and thousands of people who don't have those things. And I don't think of any reason to suppose I do have more right to things like that. I suppose I'm better educated than most of those people, maybe I'm even smarter than many of them, and maybe I've got the edge on them in some other way, too. But it doesn't seem like those things give me any special right to the things that are scarce. And that seems to me a lot firmer than any computation of what would do the world the most good."
"Do those other people have more of a right than you have?" the Pastor asked.
"No, I can't see that they do. But if we have equal rights and there isn't enough for both of us, it doesn't seem odd to me to think that a Christian might lean a little bit to the short side for himself. When it's a matter of a massive famine that will mean, of course, going below the line."
The two men did not part easily that night, for they respected each other. Before their visit was ended each one loved the other more than he had before. But when Zack finally left to go home the Pastor knew that he himself had failed.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Still With The Story?


Zack was glad to stop in at the parsonage the next evening. He liked and respected the Pastor, and he had grown spiritually a great deal under his strong and sensitive preaching. They exchanged a few pleasantries, and then the Pastor said what he had heard, and he expressed his concern in a kindly way.
Zack said, yes he was doing that, and he believed he was following the commands of Christ.
"I guess there were three people, more than anyone else, who got me to thinking about this," he said to the Pastor. "And two of them were in our church. The first was Mr. Toosma. You remember him?"
"Of course," the Pastor nodded. "The economist who spoke here on Layman's Sunday."
"The thing I remembered most about his sermon," Zack said, "was his saying that loving our neighbors as ourselves obviously entailed guaranteeing our neighbors an income large enough to live on. I know he said it when he was talking about tax reform. But it seemed to make a lot of sense to me, and I thought it had to apply all over if it applied at all. I knew there were a whole lot of people in the world who didn't have enough to live on. I began to wonder if I did love them as much as Jesus said we should. And what I could do to try to help them live."
"But did you ever think, Zack," the Pastor said gently, "that maybe you're taking Toosma too literally? Maybe you need to give him a little room for rhetoric, and interpret him a little more reasonably. After all, I don't think he's starving, is he?"
"No," said Zack, "I don't think he is starving. But I don't see what that has to do with me. What he does is his own affair, or maybe his and God's. I really mean that. I don't want to criticize him, but it was his argument, not his example, that struck me. Could I really love my neighbor in the Sahel, and know that he was starving, and then go ahead and buy a rump roast for myself at the A&P?"
Zack paused, but the Pastor said nothing now, waiting for him to finish. So Zack went on, "The second person was John Phillip, the Christian editor who spoke to the men's fellowship a while back. He told the story of a Christian leader who couldn't eat his egg one morning when he was a guest in a South American home, because he noticed the children of the house staring at it. He realized that his hosts had saved the egg for him, but the children were hungry. And he couldn't eat the egg because he was so tender-hearted. He had to leave it for them. And then Mr. Phillip suggested that when we sat down to eat we might try to imagine the poor and the hungry standing by the table, looking at us. And then, he said, we could send some money for the relief of the poor."
And now Zack looked intensely at the Pastor.
"You know, I tried that, and I could do it. I really could imagine the black African from the Sudan, the Indian child from Ecuador, the starving woman from Bangladesh still holding her dead baby, all standing beside my table as I ate. And I thought that if they were really here I wouldn't eat it all myself. I'd at least share it equally. Of course, they weren't really here--only in my imagination. But they really do exist and they really are starving, this very day. They're not here. But does a thousand miles, or two or three, really make all that much difference in what we ought to do?
"And then the third man was Garret Hardin."
The Pastor looked puzzled. "Who's that?" he asked.
"Hardin is a biologist," Zack said. "I haven't ever seen him, but I've read a little of his stuff and something about him. As well as I can get it, Hardin thinks that the United States and a few other countries are like lifeboats in a sea full of drowning people. If we try to take everyone in, the boat will be swamped and everybody will drown. The only thing to do is to leave most of the people in the water to drown. That way the people who are in the boat will have a chance to survive. So, Hardin says, the U.S. can't feed the world. If we try it then the population growth in places like India will soak up everything we send and demand still more. We'll be drained till there's not enough left to do any good here or there. The only thing to do is to let starvation take its toll in other places while we try to get our own lifeboat into some safe haven where maybe we can start over."
The Pastor looked more doubtful than ever. "That sounds pretty hard-hearted to me," he said. "Is this man Hardin supposed to be a Christian?"
"I really don't know at all," Zack replied. "A lot of Christians, and some other people too, have criticized him for being hard-hearted as you say, or selfish, or something like that. And maybe he is hard-hearted. I don't know. But what really attracted me to his thought was that he seemed to be more hard-headed than most of his critics."
"How's that?"
"Well, most of the people who criticize Hardin seem to be just assuming that of course we can have just about every nice thing there is, with only a few adjustments. If we just ate a little less beef and a little more chicken, or if we just got rid of a few mean people in the Department of Agriculture or the Du Pont Company then we could have a comfortable life here and we could eliminate poverty everywhere else and things would be fine all over. But mostly, it seems to me, they believe things like that just because they want to, or maybe they couldn't stand it to believe anything else. But Hardin talked seriously about the possibility that we may really have to make hard and tragic choices - that there is going to be pain and sorrow and starvation no matter what we do - but that our choice may have a little effect on how much there is and on whom it will fall. It seemed to me that he was willing to stick his neck out and make a hard choice and acknowledge it. And I thought a Christian ought to try to be at least as hard-headed as that. So I said to myself that maybe Hardin is not. And if he's right and there aren't enough places in the lifeboat, then what side of the gunwale am I going to be on? In the end my own decision for myself is different from Hardin's, I think, but I learned more from him than from most people."
Zack was getting a little steamed up. He had been pretty pale lately, but his face was flushed now.
"That's why I couldn't get interested in anything like the weekend conference on Alternative Life Styles that the Inter-Faith Coalition sponsored last month. Somebody was coming in overalls to conduct a workshop on how to live comfortably on $33,000 a year. But I already know how to live comfortably on $33,000 a year. And if I didn't know how, I could just set a budget of thirty-three thousand and stick with it and I'd learn soon enough. But while I was living comfortably I'd know that around the world some of my neighbors were still fighting to survive on maybe $100 a year, or even less. And so what good what it be?"
Zack leaned forward, hands gripping the chair, staring at the Pastor. For a moment his intensity seemed to surge out, filling the living room. Then he sagged back, the passion ebbing from his face, his hands relaxing.
"Anyway," he went on, "I put the three of them together. The love that Toosma mentioned, Phillip's imagination, and Hardin's hard-headed lifeboat. I imagined myself in the lifeboat, and I looked out and saw my neighbors in the water. The waves were green, but the black heads and the brown heads were everywhere in the waves. Maybe it was God who gave me a love for them - I suppose it was. The lifeboat bobbed up and down in the swells, but it was dry. But in the swells some of the heads would go under and then they would come up again, glistening wet and gasping. Some of them went under and did not come back, and after a while I knew I would not see those faces again.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Frequently Feingold


You know how there are those literary and cinematic clichés and conventions used to depict dystopic societies- things like secret laws, trials without transparent process, hyper-militarism, government seizure of people and property without any suspicion of wrong-doing, and perhaps worst of all the categorization of everday behaviors as potentially threatening and criminal? They are elements of some of the most significant literature/art because these conventions are able to hold a critical mirror up to our existence. The irony of it is we know they are horrible as a matter of entertainment (or even seen in someone else's country) but then we embrace these things as our civic salvation when a matter of our own governance. It's very much like the irony of self-described followers of Jesus embracing the very same modes of being he confronts and challenges in the Gospels. Isn't that funny? Strange funny, not ha ha funny.

Also, you know how in those same stories there is a hero who stands against the world by simply doing the common? The world is so screwed up the mundane has become heroic.

Remember any of that from high school English classes?

Anyway.

In completely unrelated news Russ Feingold, PBUH, has introduced/sponsored legislation undoing MY PRESIDENT'S creation and use of secret laws and challenging DHS policies that allow security agents to flout the 4th amendment of the Constitution.

A completely unheroic and common thing to do would be to let your Senator know what you think of Russ Feingold's proposed legislation. Unless of course you're a 30 percenter, in which case you should just go watch TV.

I was going to write, "in which case you should just go read your Bible," but that sounded needlessly harsh though I thought it would fit with the Sinclair Lewis chestnut "When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross." See how thoughtful I am to have not written it that way.

In Former Soviet Union, Meaning Carries Symbols
Higher Ground- Stevie Wonder
Maggie's Farm- Bob Dylan
Get Back- The Beatles
Night Train- James Brrown
I Held Her in My Arms- Violent Femmes
Alienation's For the Rich- They Might Be Giants
Anatome- Joe Wise
Kid A- Radiohead

And Yet Again


A lot of people around the building began to look at Zack in an odd way, and then they would look away quickly, a little embarrassed, if they thought he noticed them. It wasn't that none of them was a churchgoer. Many were, and they understood giving money to charity and giving to church relief projects and things like that. Some of them had even fasted, as they called it, skipping a meal on a special day and giving the money for a special project in the church connected with the famine. And a couple of them even had a special sort of piggy bank on the dinette table. At dinnertime everybody would put in a coin. And when these banks were full they were going to take them down to the church on a special Sunday, and all of the money would go to send wheat and rice to the famine-stricken areas of the world. They understood things like that. But none of them had sold or given away all of his or her clothes except for one complete outfit (and a pair of pajamas, as Zack explained somewhat sheepishly later on). And so they had the feeling that Zack was doing something they didn't really understand all that well.
The next solid piece of information was dug out by Hilary Whittaker, who was a real health nut and blunt mannered as well. When he knew that Tom Houston had broken the ice, he watched for a good chance to ask Zack right out what he actually was eating. Zack told him it was mostly beans and rice and potatoes (but he didn't know how to make anything you could really call lunch, to put in a bag). When Hilary asked him how much, Zack told him what he generally had in the morning and the evening. Hilary had his little book of calorie counts and protein content and things like that, and he added it quickly. Then something happened to his face, and he added it again. He got the same answer, and he knew how thin Zack was getting, and he didn't add it a third time. Instead he said, "Do you know what you're doing, you idiot? That's below the starvation level! If you go on like that you'll actually starve to death. Actually starve, do you hear?"
Zack said yes, he knew. He'd gotten some books from the public library and added up the figures just as Hilary had. "But," he went on, "do you know that there are hundreds of thousands of people in the world, maybe millions, who don't eat any more than this day in and day out? I read somewhere that there are ten thousand dying of starvation every week. I'm probably the only person you've ever seen who was starving, but I've read that in Calcutta they pick up the bodies every morning on the streets. Starving to death isn't all that strange, you know. It happens every day."
And Hilary opened his mouth and shut it and walked away. He could talk your ear off if he got going about health, but he didn't know what to say to somebody who knew he was starving himself and went right on doing it.
John Pencewaite, in the personnel division, wasn't at a loss like that. He had a master's degree in counseling from the University of Michigan and had been a high school counselor (not an academic counselor, he sometimes made a point of explaining) before he came here to work. He did not send for Zack until he did his own homework - looked up Zack's personnel file, talked to a couple of people, thought out some alternative moves.
"That fellow Baumkletterer is a good worker, damn productive," he told the Assistant Director. "We've made an investment in him, recruiting him, training him, carrying him along the ropes. There's no sense letting him go down the drain without a fight. I know something about these religious types. They're not all hopeless."
When he talked about Zack he always called him "Baumkletterer," but when Zack came to his office he tried to get him on a first name basis right away, jollied him up a little, and eased into the topic at hand.
"I can't tell you, Zack, how proud all of us are to have someone like you working here. What you've been doing in your own quiet way has really got a lot of us thinking about what's really worthwhile in life, you know."
And he went on like that for a while, gradually suggesting that he was concerned, just a little, that a person might go overboard on something like this, all with the best will in the world. And then he started casually throwing out the figures he had worked up. What they showed was that if the most affluent nations would just cut down on their standard of living a bit, there would be enough for everyone. It wouldn’t even have to be a drastic cut - just things like eating less meat, not using synthetic fertilizers on lawns and golf courses, driving smaller cars. They could still have a comfortable standard of living, a good life, and there would be enough for everyone. And he suggested that if Zack were to cut down his own consumption just that much then he would be doing his fair share.
Zack didn't say anything right away. He was a little doubtful about some of the figures, and he wondered if Mr. Pencewaite wasn't just making some of them up. But he really didn't know. And then it occurred to him that the figures and the whole line of thought that was being suggested were just irrelevant to him.
And so he said that maybe Mr. Pencewaite was right, and he hoped that the affluent nations and the people in them would cut back on their consumption in that way. But he really couldn't see how that had much to do with him. For it seemed to him just about as plain as anything could be that people generally weren't cutting back like that, and so there in fact wasn't enough for the poorest people in the world and it didn't look as though there would be. And he believed he had to choose his own actions according to the actual conditions in the world, not according to the way the world would be better if everyone did something better.
In the actual world there were thousands upon thousands of people whose daily diet was below the starvation level, who wore the one and only set of clothes they had day in and day out and nights too, and so on. That was the world in which he had to act and to justify his acts. And if he was to love those people as he loved himself he didn't see how he could justify keeping more food and clothing for himself than they had for themselves. He couldn't see that he had any more right to a good dinner or an extra pair of pants than they had. So far as he could see, if he loved them as he loved himself he would share equally with them, and that was what he was trying to do, as much as he could.
Mr. Pencewaite had taken too many courses in counseling to get into an argument with Zack. He didn't even openly acknowledge the clash of ideas. He just slid over to his first back-up plan. He'd been wondering, he said, if there wasn't some way in which Zack's concern, and his real vision in these things, couldn't be communicated more widely in the company and the community. "Just for example," he said, looking up at the ceiling for inspiration, "maybe the cafeteria could start serving a No-Meat Special. Good nourishing food, but no meat. It would be low-cost, too, and if people wanted to contribute the money they saved then I'm sure the company would take care of passing it along to a UN agency for world relief."
He went on to explain that of course they would want Zack's advice and leadership in setting up any program like this and in getting it across to all levels in the company.
"Or I'm sure I could get you on the program for one of the Rotary Club meetings," he went on. "That would give you a real opening into the whole business and professional community around here. With your enthusiasm and your presentation there's no telling how big this thing could get. I wouldn't be surprised to see the Mayor get City Hall behind some sort of consciousness-raising projects across this whole city. And of course all of us want to have you in on it all the way because of the thought you've given to these things and your real concern for what's happening."
Mr. Pencewaite went on in that way for a while, and Zack said that well, sure, he'd be glad to help in any of those things if Mr. Pencewaite thought they would do any good. But inside he couldn't get up any enthusiasm for what was being suggested as his part in them. He really wasn't much of a public relations type and he didn't know anything special about how you organized a citywide project of this sort, and he couldn't see how he could give the Mayor any worthwhile advice about that.
Mr. Pencewaite could sense that lack of enthusiasm, too. He judged that even if he did get Zack involved in some such project it wouldn't put an end to the primary thing he was doing. So he sort of tapered off, and they left what the next step would be, rather vague, and Zack went back to his desk.
As soon as Zack left his office, Mr. Pencewaite picked up the phone and called Zack's pastor. The Rev. Frank Westman appreciated Mr. Pencewaite's call. He explained that he had a fairly large congregation and naturally he couldn't know what was happening to every member all the time. Since Zack was a bachelor and lived alone, there was probably no one to notice something like this quickly. But it did sound serious, and he would try to talk to Zack soon.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Hey, Serial for You


Longtime readers of my series of tubeslog probably know the lyrics to more than one Monty Python song but may also know that my regard for email forwards and classics of Christian coffee mug or poster devotion is low.

I don't know where the following falls in relation to those. It is the type of thing that was passed around from Christian to Christian, from one community to another through networks of connection, but its content seems more edifying than a picture of MY PRESIDENT praying or a story about JPL scientists needing to account for a lost day to get a satellite into the proper orbit that you will pass on to ten other people if you love Jesus. It's relation to facts is just as tenuous but it may still ring true. You will decide I suppose.

Anyway, it's an old text that a student shared with me last year. It's from an Inter Varsity booklet titled The Salvation of Zachary Baumkleterrer. I've taken editorial license here, updating some of the language so it's less late-sixties, and have broken it up to post it in chapters of sorts. I'll post it in parts over the next few days. Of course, an eager reader could find it elsewhere on their own- If you do, don't ruin it for the rest of us.

Here it is:
The Salvation of Zachary Baumkleterrer
by George Mavrodes

Maybe Zack should have said more about what he had decided to do, right at the beginning, and especially to the people at the office. Sometimes he thought so himself. But he was really a shy sort of person, not much at ease in talking about himself. So he said nothing about it (except when he prayed, of course) until people started asking him. I guess the first thing they noticed was that he stopped bringing his lunch, buying soup and coffee in the cafeteria, and eating with the bunch at the corner table. But no one thought much of it, because some of the people often went out for lunch. And when they realized he wasn't eating lunch at all, some of them thought that he was just trying to lose a little weight. But it was odd, because he didn't seem to be what you could call fat at all. And it soon became clear that he was getting really thin, and his face looked a little pinched.
About the same time Louise Trimble, who handled the south-western accounts, noticed something else. On a woman she would have noticed right away, in three or four days at most, probably in two. But it's harder with a man, and especially with Zack, who always wore rather conservative, unobtrusive clothes. But one Monday, Louise had a funny feeling about how Zack looked. She looked at him carefully, and she looked at him carefully again on Tuesday and Wednesday. By Friday she was quite sure of it. Zack had worn exactly the same trousers, jacket, shirt, and tie all week. It wasn't as if they weren't clean - they were, but still it was odd, wasn't it? For she distinctly remembered that Zack used to wear a reasonable variety of clothes. She mentioned it to a couple of the other women, and they said Yes, now that she mentioned it, they thought he had worn the same clothes all week, and all of last week too, they guessed, and maybe the week before that. But he hadn't always done it. And later on one of the women mentioned it to her boyfriend in the accounting section. And so a thin trickle of talk started going through the corridors on the sixth floor, talk about Zachary Baumkletterer.
It's a little awkward to ask someone why he wears the same clothes all the time. Kids might do it, but grownups are maybe more polite. I guess it's easier to remark casually that you look a little thin, maybe you've been losing a little weight, have you? Anyway, that's how Tom Houston finally broached the subject to Zack, in the sixth floor men's room. And Zack said yes, he had lost some weight. As he said it he tightened up a little, because he really didn't like to talk about himself. But there wasn't anything in the whole affair that he was ashamed of either, and he thought he'd probably have to explain it sooner or later anyway. So, since he got along pretty well with Tom, he added, "It's because of the famine." That obviously made it as clear to Tom as if Zack had said it was because of the theory of relativity. So he went on to explain that there was a shortage of food in many parts of the world, a real famine, and that people were starving, actually starving to death in Bangladesh, in the Sahel of Africa, and in some other places. And Tom broke in to say that he knew all that, he could read the newspapers and the magazines, but there wasn't a famine here, for Pete's sake, was there? (He really did say for Pete's sake, he knew that Zack was a real religious nut, so he sort of toned down his language when he was around Zack.) And Zack said No, there wasn't a famine here (though he had heard that some old people and some black people were pretty hard up.) But there was a famine in other places, and the people in those places were people just as much as anyone around here, and so he was sending money for the relief of the famine abroad instead of spending that money on himself. And they went on and talked about it a little more until the Assistant Manager of Commercial Accounts came into the men's room, and then they broke it off and went back to their desks. But by that time Tom had a pretty good idea that the whole thing was connected with Zack's being a Christian, and he never had understood that too well. He added his new information to the trickle of talk, though, and the trickle swelled up quite a bit and seeped down to the fifth floor and the fourth floor too.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I Feel The Sky Tumbling Down, Tumbling Down


So about our earthquake yesterday... It was the first in a long time I wasn't able to just sit through and ride out. Thanks a lot, baby!

Anyway, I'm not the head of a religious empire so I am not quite sure how to go about attributing the blame for said earthquake. Things don't just happen do they? There has to be someone to blame, but I don't know exactly how to find that someone. However, there is not a problem so complex that the wiki-esque democratizing power of the internets in conjunction with oversimplified Biblical interpretation can't solve it.

So to that end, I will suggest possible reasons that God may have been judging Chino Hills with an earthquake and together, we will pick the most likely reason... I should make this a contest.

Let's see... hmmm... Oh there was the reintroduction of the plan to house mentally ill inmates at the Chino facility. That made a lot of locals angry...
Maybe...
Oh yeah, there are a lot of empty homes in the area as a result of the worsening housing market, poor economy, and mortgage scams making neighborhoods ugly and God doesn't like ugly... Well if you take a view of the world popularized by the likes of CS Lewis wherein white and beautiful equals good...
Oh! Maybe the rash of coyote attacks in Chino Hills has something to do with it. No, that sounds more like judgment than the reason for judgment...
Hey, the city council just cancelled a contract to build a fountain at the city hall. That could be something.
What else, what else?
Turning to the Bible, Isaiah suggests that in at least one instance earthquakes may be the consequence of vapid but showy worship overseen by empty-headed leaders. Sure, but Chino Hills is home to the best church in the world, so it's probably not that...

I dunno.

Anyway, feel free to leave your vote for the most likely reason for judgment, or if you have nothing to say about that-
Does anybody in the internets know how to buy other region/country's iTunes content? Failing that, can anybody in the internets explain why iTunes would allow me to search other region iTunes stores and then not allow me to buy content from that region?

Do You Say This On Your Own, Or Do Others Say This About Me?


I, as I have learned any good parent should do, presumptuously think everyone wants to see pictures of my baby. As such I sent out a birth announcement (of sorts) to my department. Of course I attached a photo. Following that, more than one person has said she is the cutest baby they have ever seen. So cute, in fact, that she couldn't possibly be my child.

Two things about that:
1.) Most everyone says that about most people's babies without realizing that only one baby in the world could actually be the cutest baby they have ever seen. That's just the way the superlative form of an adjective works. So I understand that other people's comments about the cuteness of a baby, even my baby, must be understood in light of our general misuse of language.
2.) I think she is the cutest baby I have ever seen but also realize that personal commitment and passion color truth.

That said, a coworker of mine, apropos only to my sending out the email birth announcement, told me he thought of my baby while on his way to work one morning because of mention of a Beautiful Baby Contest on the radio. Well actually, it's on the internets but conducted by a radio station so he heard about it on the radio.

How's that for an unsolicited compliment, or better, window into THE TRUTH?

So I entered The Lovely Elizabeth into a baby contest. This is the picture I used.

It really is the greatest use of photographic technology ever.

Anybody that wanted to vote for her could. You would see she is contestant 46 in the D-F category. You would also see that Dylan is the new David.*

What could be more true than the results of a series of tubes contest judged by Tori Spelling and people who listen to Soft Adult Contemporary pop or respond to email forwards from family members telling them to vote for their baby?**

* That's just for the Ds. Overall, Jacob is actually the new Michael.
** That's just begging for a Venn diagram.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Honey's Is People, It's People


Yesterday, we were convinced to go to Honey's for lunch. If you don't know, Honey's is a "family-style" restaurant in Glendora. By family style I mean of course, it's serves the nondescript, golden brown, institutional pile of carbohydrates that is at least acceptable to, if not enjoyed by, everyone in your family. Generally, you wouldn't go to a place like Honey's for the food, unless, of course, your palette is coated with an impenetrable film of trans-fat residue so everything tastes like a deep fryer to you anyway; you go there because no one will say it's "too spicy", "too exotic", "too red", "too weird", "too 'anything'". It is our bland future food, but rather than served as a pill or Soylent wafer, it is measured out by the bucketful and served in portions as big as your head.

Anyway, it was a strange experience. If you were to knock me out and then revive me in Honey's in Glendora, telling me I'd been unconscious for days, you could easily convince me that we had travelled somewhere people readily know what Cracker Barrel or Bob Evans are. It was definitely of a different Glendora than the one that singlehandedly could keep Skin Industries in business. More Buick than Hummer. More JC Penney than Bebe. More Mrs. Stewart's Bluing than Botox. More plastic prosthetic than silicone implant.

You could say Honey's represents a better, more innocent and wholesome way of life. I wouldn't, but you could. I'm simply intrigued that the difference it is thrives where it does.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Blockin' Out The Scenery Blowin' My Mind


-Hey, do you want to come with us down to-
-Oh I can't now. I have to finish this sign.
STOP PITZ NOW
Did you know the game of pitz was played with an 8 pound ball that would cause extensive bruising that was then used in bloodletting and sacrificial rites?
-Pitz?
-Yeah, pitz. It was the game the Mayans played. The ball was so big and heavy that players would get these gigantic bruises, then they would let the blood out of those bruises for their gods.
-Yeesh
-I know. And then sometimes the captains of the losing team, or sometimes the whole team would have their heads chopped off as a sacrifice to their gods.
-That's a pretty good incentive to win. So do y-
-Oh but they couldn't win. Those losses were generally staged, they were part of a big ritual. The field of play was actually a gateway to the world of their gods, so the whole thing wasn't just a game but a big idolatrous festival. Even when it was played recreationally, which was generally more of a one on one type game, it had those mythical implications.
-That's cool. Anyway, I wa-
-Cool? It's awful- human sacrifices to pagan god's? That's the worst thing there could be.
-No- Right- I just mean, it's cool that you know so much about it.
-Yeah. So you agree?
-With what?
-That it's awful?
-Sure, it sounds pretty awful.
-So what are we going to do about it?
-What do you mean?
-I mean that is a terrible, awful, awful thing, so we need to make sure we stop it.
-Stop what?
-Pitz!
-Pitz?
-Yes
-Do we even know anybody that plays pitz?
-The Classical Mayans
-Classical Mayans?
-Yeah, you know, the Pre-Colombian Meso-American people, them.
-Well... who's playing it now?
-No one, well maybe some indigenous people in the Yucatan or Guatemala, but it's not really the same game and no one gets their head chopped off. Anyway that doesn't matter 'cos I'm talking about actual pitz. We're have to stop that.
-Pitz? You just said no one plays pitz.
-No, I said the Classical Mayans.
- ...
-Anyway, pitz is wrong.

Fear Not; You Are of More Value Than Many Sparrows


My dogs and I were being unduly attacked by mocking birds as they chased a ball around the yard yesterday, and while it's fun to see mocking birds attack my dogs (my actual dogs, not my homies, that should've been clear though since I didn't write "my dawgs"), it's not fun to see them unduly attack my dogs. It seems too stressful for the birds and my dogs. And when I become a target, then forget it, the little bit of front yard Wild Kingdom is over.

Eventually, I learned why the mocking birds were so upset.

Their chick was on the ground instead of up in a tree. Long story short, I did enough to satisfy my standard of reasonableness (which, face it, for any of us, it is never enough to satisfy the actual needs of the world) but my conscience is another story. That is, I took care of the mockingbird chick as well as I could considering the circumstances.

So it occurs to me to ask, could a conscience worth the word be satiable?

But Screw Mocking Birds, They're Jerks, Right?
Kind of Blue- Miles Davis

Thursday, July 24, 2008

That's A Lot To Load on a Baby


I once showed up at a Yearly Meeting meeting in a sport coat. I don't remember why. I wouldn't generally do that so there must have been some reason I was already wearing a sport coat or was going to need one later. I probably would not even remember that I wore a sport coat on that occasion except that someone older and more ministerially invested than I am said I was alienating people by wearing a sport coat. His take was that anyone interested in getting people into churches should notice and follow the cue that nobody in our culture wore sport coats or suits anymore.

He might be right. I hear someone in our Yearly Meeting/Annual Conference is doing some kind of Glamis or Dirt Bike church. On Sundays, he's going to meet with people who have opted to go dirt-biking for the weekend and then read the Bible and sing with them for a couple of hours.

I guess.

I suppose, it might look weird to show up to a place like that in a sport coat. The kind of weird monks probably seemed wearing habits, or the weird Quakers seemed wearing gray and dressed without ruffles. M'eh.

I suppose you can't argue with results. Here I am showing up to places in a sport coat, and there my accuser is, well-suited for ministry in our Yearly Meeting.

Nobody wears sport coats indeed.

Every now and then... well actually more often than "now and then" suggests...

So...

Quite frequently I hear about the need for THE CHURCH to be authentic and relevant. I mostly see that is meant in a Church Growth© way and not necessarily in a so the Kingdom of God is seen kind of way. How it manifests itself is in goatees, Hawaiian shirts as dressy, saying dude, kids who look and act like most everybody else but have NOTW branded somewhere on their person... I think it also makes us think we need to incorporate more images, the word "dude", faux-hawks, and flat screens... lots and lots of flat screens into our weekly concerts/affirmations. What's more relevant than that stuff?

The Lovely Elizabeth, like all babies, is as smart as they come. I don't mean she knows how to use a toilet or can make her hands do what she wants them to do. I don't even think she knows she can know it's possible to want at this point. So when I say smart I mean her world is infinite human possibility. She has the capacity to absorb and integrate herself into any mode of human existence that we know or can imagine. That's smart.

It's my job to narrow that. I will teach her that X is in a set with Y but not a part of the set that includes 1 and 2, and that's different from the set of µ and ∆. I'll help set for her the frames of reference and categorization through which she will understand the world. My narrow world. It's my duty to shrink the horizon of her concerns and interests so that she may be well adjusted to one manner of being. It's my job to pass on my pettiness and sinful tendencies. My idols will become her idols so that for her- much of sin will merely be the way "it" is. If I do my job, I will have passed on the ability to overlook the worst of sins- that which justifies our way of being as the way of being.

When we talk about relevance or authenticity I don't think we want to mean we need to get at that but I suspect that's the very think we need to address if a church is really going to be relevant and authentic. I don't think we want to get at that because the very best idols are those to which we are the most loyal, those that offer the most security and comfort, those that let us skirt around the despair that blankets human existence.*

I'm sure at some point she'll lie. She'll steal. At some point she'll feel the pangs of guilt at hurting someone. We've got a world that understands sin as such and have great ways to alleviate that guilt. But there will be no need to feel guilty for participating in the world as it is- no need to recognize any of that as sin.

Unless the Holy Spirit does its** job. I'm looking forward to that. If it wasn't for that anticipation and action I don't know how that despair could be overcome... Well other than by embracing blissful ignorance or remaining in happy denial I wouldn't know how to do it. But it is there, and as I look at my daughter, the person that I call my daughter but know must be her own person, I am filled with a word I don't know in English. I have that waiting, expectant hope that is esperar.

Thank God.

* I'm really much more fun than this suggests.
** The Holy Spirit is an "it". Deal with it.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

We'll Get Together Then Son, You Know We'll Have a Good Time Then


My poor, poor neglected series-of-tubeslog. Faithfully waiting as I attend to other things. Well I'm back. To a degree. So first things first.

Last you heard a baby came along and a winner of the Name My Baby Contest was to be announced.

Well here's what you've been waiting for...

Commenter Jeremy has won with the recommendation "Irena". Not only does he win the "Name I Like" portion of the contest, but he wins the "Name We Choose" portion (at least a variation of it). Who would've guessed The Qweenbean and I were pathetic enough to name our baby with an internets contest? At least Jeremy.

In any case, as winner of the big prize he will receive the book More Handles of Power by Lewis Dunnington. It's a Mid-Century Methodist devotional text along the lines of our present day Chicken Soup for the Souls or the various Prayer of Jabezes floating around. I don't mean it is or was that crappy, I mean it is along those lines in its purpose and popularity.

It's fascinating.

It's of a different evangelical stream than that which fed the creation of radio Bible hours, kooky millennialism, or white supremacy associations but of a similar source, so because of that, to me, an interesting artifact. I think the stream/running-water metaphor is apt because as thought and practices flowed to the South and Mid-West, as examples, they took on unique characteristics and fed different types of fruit. For example, it's not something we care to admit, but the Strange Fruit that hung from Indiana trees was borne by Evangelical Holiness. This book is of a stream that eventually flowed North and East, though pooling in other places as well, and as such is of the traditional forebears of evangelical thought and practices expressed in the likes of Sojourners and The Progressive Christian.

It's also fascinating to me because it is full of the kinds of things that actual Christians used as guidance for their day to day lives- just like Chicken Soup for The Soul and the Prayer of Jabez. This book is the kind of thing that fed the devotional lives of people who generally could not care less about theology and biblical studies- or more appropriately for whom this passes as theology and biblical study. Though preachers and teachers may consult scholarly sources and critically examine our assumptions about the nature of truth and work to apply that to our lives as people of faith, a mnemonic like "Adam and Eve, Not Adam and Steve" or all manner of widely circulated pablum hold more sway over our lives than even the collected works of... I dunno, which pop-theologian is hot among evangelicals these days? They hold more sway than that guy. Of course I may be assuming too much if I imagine the average preacher engages in a level of critical thought and investigation more astute than the average congregant. In any case, my point is these kinds of texts are fascinating to me because they are a phenomenon that, in the good and bad, represent how people think, what is important to them, and what passes as a life of faith. (I mean that in a good way... mostly.)

It's on its way to you, Winner Jeremy. I hope you think it is as great as I do.

To the rest of you, I hope the taste of defeat burns in your mouth like ashes and vinegar so that only future victory can cleanse your palate.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A Millstone About My Neck


Our baby came with a bunch of free stuff. Free in that, I didn't have to pull out a wallet and pay for anything with paper or plastic at a specific point though there were costs associated.

One of the costly freebies was Parenting Magazine. Costly because it forces me to confront some of the assumptions I had about parenting. It's called Parenting but it's clearly not for me. It's not for me because I am a dad, and if this magazine is to be believed, mom's are parents and dad's are only some sort of secondary relation to a child. Dad's are conspicuously absent.

Mostly.

There is, along with the Letters to Parenting, a section called Hot Dads wherein photos of nominees are posted along with the details that explain why they're hot.

I intuitively find this repugnant and want to set the magazine on fire, but I should be careful. My parenting can be bad for The Lovely Elizabeth. According to other literature, if I encourage her to participate in athletics or to outperform The Boys in various efforts, it will cause gender identity confusion for her and force The Qweenbean to reject her, thereby encouraging The Lovely Elizabeth to seek the approval and affection of other women in the form of homosexual relationships. I thought encouraging her in athletics and outperforming boys were things I would want to do. Idiot dad that I am.

In that sense, Parenting may be just what the doctor ordered. I ought to remove myself from her life in such a way that she will be more concerned with replacing an absent father and seeking affection and approval with men that are only too happy to prey on the self-hating persona I helped create.

Cool, thanks, Parenting Magazine.

Sin Boldly


Working on my syllabus this morning I ended up with a preachy bee in my bonnet.

This was the buzz...
Can we as Christians say we proclaim the God of love if we cooperate with and legitimize institutional systems that by their very nature dominate and destroy?

Gee, that's a stupid question. Of course we can. We do it all the time, and it's not even a matter of of being duplicitous or hypocritical.*

Although it's an important question, it assumes one is willing to see their world as a part of that destructive machine. And who wants to do that?

A step must be made before that question can make sense. It's a step that requires the Word of God confronting us intensely in our humanness. The institutional systems of the above question are the perfect idols. They are a kind of perfect sin in that they can remain unexamined because they are often the very foundations of our world. In that they must be confronted, but in that, it's so easy to see them as separate from what we conventionally call sin. If we address them at all, they are often merely the unfortunate exigencies of our fallen world. It's the way it is may mean that these things are morally neutral or, if morally problematic, they are morally problematic in our favor.

In my metaphysical kookiness I say the Spirit confronts us concerning sin, but it's not the confrontation of asking what is correct; is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath or not?

If it is found with that question, it is in the silence of our response.

* Just blinded by the spirit of anti-christ.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Talk Baby Girl Baby Thinking Baby Walk



Here she is. I'm not going to put her real name into the series of tubes but I will say we have a winner in my Baby Naming Contest. You will be announced and notified shortly.

What Are You Kidding? We Got a Family Here!


Longtime readers of my intertubes journal may be willfully bringing harm to their souls but may also note that I have been uncharacteristically silent of late. It's because finally, the Qweenbean can be saved.

After planning and throwing a 4th of July Picnic/Chili Cook-off, The Qweenbean gave birth to our baby. That ought to go on a resúmé. It's pretty impressive. I mean, after just helping to pull that stuff together, all I wanted to do was sit around with friends and watch a movie. In fact, that's what we were doing before our baby was born. So she's here, and while I'd hate to seem obsessed or overly doting, I should say she's pretty much the greatest thing ever. I know everyone says that about their kids, but I would bet that when I say it, it's really true. She's the best there is. Of course knowing me, I'm just writing that as a demonstration of the nature of things that we say are true. Or maybe I really do mean it. Or maybe it's both.

In any case, we are only just adjusting to this new world into which it seems three (at least) rather than one was born, hence a dearth of blog posts or other contact with the outside world. Even this one will have to be quick, so on to what's important: The Qweenbean being saved.

Of course, you know what I'm talking about- well if you're a Christian that doesn't just pretend to believe the Bible you know what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about Paul's inerrant declaration that women will be saved through childbirth.

I know, I know, it's possible to read that 1 Timothy passage other ways, as saying women will be saved through childbirth, as in women need not be overcome by the process, but in fact will endure safely through it, as an example. But that would be willfully ignoring the broader testimony of scripture that sees the pain of childbirth as a curse and the presence of children as evidence of God's favor. I guess it's also possible to say we really don't know what that bit o' Bible is talking about or that it doesn't relate to our present experience, even as people of faith, but any of that may lead us down roads that we've not already travelled. And if it's a road we've not already travelled how would we know it's a road we can travel?

Friday, July 04, 2008

Blow It Up


I'm sure this has nothing do with anything, but if the "We the People" of the Constitution was written specifically to exclude people like me, the browns, and people like The Qweenbean, ladies, by what right does it include us now?

Why and how would we say that that sense of "we" has changed?

I think it's appropriate that, where it's allowed, we celebrate the birth of a nation by blowing up or setting little bits of it on fire.

That's all.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

We're Not Actually Saying This is
the Earth Calling You


I was trying to teach Me Love You about jokes yesterday. He's reached an age when he finds it necessary to experiment with creating his own jokes, only he's not telling jokes. Not even riddles. They're nonsense and though nonsense may sometimes be used to make a joke a joke- he's not reached that stage of the craft. I think jokes are an incredibly important part of language, thought, interaction, being human. It's fine to be eight years old and not quite understand how to craft a joke. Mostly fine. But he has to be drawn through this.

Here's why I'm a jerk. I won't laugh at a kid's joke if it isn't funny. I ask why it's a joke. I'll say I don't get it and ask it to be explained. Of course the threshold for what counts as a kid's joke is very low, but I say there is a threshold.

-Why was the fork afraid of the spoon?
-Why?
-Because it was twisted around it.
-I don't get it. Why is that funny?
-Look at the picture there, see the spoon is wrapped around the fork.

It's not funny. That's the same bit as those Meet the Spartans writers use. It's pointing at something you both see. Maybe it will make millions of dollars but it's not funny. It should be corrected.

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-Hoo
-"Hoo" who?
-Sorry I don't talk to owls.

That is funny.

But that explaining...

If you don't "get" a joke it can be explained but that doesn't do what is necessary for you to get the joke. You may be able to describe the structure, so to speak, the culture of a joke, why it can be what it is, but that is not the same as getting the joke. A joke necessarily takes advantage of cues and references that are part of a culture so though we may be able to say why it could be funny, or even, once we know the cues say, "Hey that is funny," we're still not a part of the people that get the joke. Are we?

-So a real cultured guy bought a pair of pants but they were so tight he couldn't get them on, so he shaved his legs.
-Uh, that's not funny.
-Oh... well see only barbarians wear pants.
- ...
-I mean in antiquity, only barbarians wore pants, but then it started to become fashionable to emulate barbarians and wear pants.
-Okay?
-And it was kinda' like what we do with cowboys- it's an affected masculinity so for him to wear pants is to be all, "Here comes John Wayne 'I'm not gonna cry about my pa, I'm gonna buy an airport and put my name on it,'" but then he gets rid of his leg hair... which is girly so he's, I don't know, not all manly like a hairy pants-wearing barbarian.
-Oh... okay. Try it again
-So a real cultured guy bought a pair of pants but they were so tight he couldn't get them on, so he shaved his legs.
-Okay, okay, yeah, I could see myself laughing at that. Yeah, okay, that is funny. Maybe next time though, make it about a middle aged divorced guy who wants to reclaim the virility of his youth and attract girls so he gets a big black Harley and because he doesn't feel manly enough with just the bike, he gets himself some leather chaps and all that but then he's not attracting girls if you know what I mean. That's funny. Say it that way next time.
-But that's not my joke.
-Eh well, it's funnier this way.

Mind The Tags
Jupiter, The Bringer of Jollity- Holst
Tuesday's Dead- Cat Stevens
36-24-36- Violent Femmes
Beautiful- Smashing Pumpkins
Extra Savoir-Faire-They Might Be Giants
Levitate Me- The Pixies
Brand New Cadillac- The Clash

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Atheists are Magic


Among e/Evangelicals a good deal of weight is given to people who go from atheism to some form of theism. Especially if part of their story involves being a super-atheist as in, "I thought people who believed in God were dumb and I did everything to discredit religion, but in my investigations I came to see I could no longer deny there is a God." So they come to a point where they believe in God, and because they're real smart, they show we ought to believe in God too. Okay. I get that. There is a use to their certainty. I guess if I'm interested in a concept of God that is sufficiently comprehensible their work at describing God that way should make me feel better. I don't know why it follows that the God known in Christianity would follow from that, (so that these types are superstars in Christian apologetics is a bit problematic to me... apologetics is a bit problematic to me, so... whatever, I guess) but I do understand the desire to be in good company, the desire to not look foolish, the need to have what we believe be affirmed by others, the need to know that what we believe is rooted in more than belief.

Almost as a rule, their atheism is of the type that asked, "How could a loving God do such and such that seems contrary to that identity?" or "How could an all powerful God not intervene in something I don't like." That doesn't seem like atheism to me. It seems more like misotheism or antitheism or like being one who contends with God. Atheism would seem to preclude those kinds of questions. I mean, I'm an atheist when it comes to Thor, Zeus, Quetzacuatl, or Anubis. Who else? I don't know. But again, whatever. Maybe asking those questions really does make one an atheist, in which case I find it strange that I ask those questions and don't consider myself an atheist. Something there's got to give.

What I find problematic with this, and it's there with Creation Science © or even Aquinas' proofs, bearing weight is that we, if I may say "we," think that this concept of god (now proved...which is silly) must be The God everyone knows rather than the product of its own culture or narrative that is distinct from who we are as a people of a particular faith. The fact that we do not make that distinction, that the proved concept of god is the same as a named god described in a Christian's reading of the Bible, is how our loyalties are revealed.

I'm sure we're not outright saying we pledge loyalty or believe in The God of Late Western Capitalism. We say we just believe in God and if the ways by which we understand the world, the culture in which knowledge is validated as knowledge- Late Western Capitalism- says this is the idea of God that is proved, well, it must be our God since there is only one God. Right? All truth is God's truth, as we say. There's no need to examine ourselves or confront the ways we know God because it's how we know God and if we challenged that we would be challenging the way we say we know God and who wants to do that?

But back to the e/Evangelical Magi. I have nothing against someone like Lee Strobel or Antony Flew (their names just happened across my desk) explaining why they cannot be atheists. And I think it's a good thing to share devotional experiences. But I find no value in expressing devotion to the uncertainty of atheism (perhaps positively stated as Apologetics). (Plus, there's probably no net gain- it's maybe even a loss- if we're doing body counts for the "atheist to theist" versus "theist to atheist" game.) And if there is some "we" concerned with being the church- a people confronted and called out by God- we ought to be careful to see that the concept of god built by our knowledge does not seem like the kind of thing that would want to lead us to being that people (as if it could want). Rather it would be completely invested (as if it could invest) in our buying into the system that builds and maintains that concept of The God.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Small Victories


I think sometimes we... I'm trying to be honest here... I think sometimes I spend too much time thinking about the big picture or problems that really don't matter to us.

You may have noticed I tend to harp on issues of violence and ecclesial integrity but were I really concerned about eliminating frustration or anger from my life I would be more concerned with things closer to home. So I confess perhaps I only feign outrage as a matter of show or self-indulgence and in that lose sight of what really matters to us.

This morning we have the opportunity to realize we are blessed with a small victory. After the brief period of increased accidents caused by dummies trying to learn to use their new handsfree phone attachments, we will enter a new age of driving. No more will we be stuck behind someone going 10-20 miles per hour less than they should. People will respond more quickly to changing traffic lights. No more last minute decisions, recoveries, or overcorrections. Today, in California, we have the opportunity to see, in real life, the kind of difference our collective action can make. Even if something is unpopular and requires a little bit of effort, this is the kind of thing that can be done.

I mean, all my griping about violence- who cares am I right? It's not like I have to go kill anyone. And ecclesial integrity? Like that even means anything?

This truly is a golden age.

Name My Baby


Long time readers of my worldwide weblog are spending the best years of their lives in front of a computer but may also remember that The Qweenbean and I are having a baby. Any day now, the creature inside will make her way out.

Our waiting to be born baby's first name is Elizabeth. That's been decided for a while, but we are unable to settle on a middle name. We thought we'd picked Cristina but recently realized neither of us are as committed to it as we initially thought. So now we're back to not having a middle name for her. There are plenty of names we each like, names that have good meanings associated with them, but we are missing names we both like. It's not necessary that she have a middle name, though we both want her to have one. But more importantly, we want it to be a name that we both really enjoy, if the baby doesnlike it, big deal. What's she going to do, cry about it?

So as it is with so many other areas of life, I will turn to the internets for resolution.

It's come to this: a baby naming contest.

You dear reader will have the opportunity to middle name my baby. Of course, like the very act of reading this blog, in naming my baby there is the possibility of a great reward for those who participate well.

There are two ways to play and three ways to win! I don't know how to write that with the inflection it deserves.

First, you can attach yourself to one of the names that is already in the running. If we pick that name, you win. The deal with that is, you can only tie yourself to one name, though any number of people can choose the same name.

The second way to play is by recommending a name. If I like it, you win. This doesn't mean we have to give the baby that name. This only requires that I like the name.

The third way to win is by suggesting a name that I not only like, but we pick as the baby's middle name.

I suppose you should know:
Name meanings are important to me. We both like the name Natalie but I refuse to give in to naming a July baby Natalie. Maybe that says, name meanings are important and I'm a jerk.
Tougher for you to discern, people and history attached to names also matter. We both like the name Sarah but I dated too many girls named Sarah.
But don't let any of that discourage you, I give fantastic prizes and you really have nothing to lose... well maybe dignity, if you suggest a really stupid name.

These are the names in the running:
Ann
Cristina
Frances
James
Joy
Julianne
Lorena
Mae
Margaret

So make your offering to Nike, pick a name, leave your selection or recommendation in a comment, and don't suck. Winners will be notified when the baby is named and recieve their prizes in the mail.