I've Already Bought a Boat, Suckers

Dear Dr Samailla,
I get it- my cousin (wink) died in Liberia. Excellent. I have a lot of cousins, too many to count, so this is plausible enough for anyone casually interested. The other two questions remain unanswered though. I am willing to budge a little bit on the numbers, maybe a 75-25 split can work, but have decided I must be firm on insisting that I be paid with a large novelty check. Please respond to those two points in your next message.

I am ready and have arranged myself to follow normal banking procedures for perfection. And like you, I can't wait to see the reaction of the bank. You have my highest trust- and more than 100% attention. Like our American professional athletes- I will give 110% for this payoff. Here is the information you requested, aside from a fax number- unfortunately, I do not have a fax machine- but I will soon enough. Get it? Because I'll be so rich, I'll buy one.

Name: skybalon
Age: 66 (March 10, 1940)
Occupation: Ass Kicker
Nationality: Amer'kin
Phone: XXX-XXXX


God bless you, and thanks for thinking of me. But don't forget about my concerns regarding our split and the check. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely
skybalon