Evil Aikido

What do you get when you cross the sappy clichés of maudlin Christmas commercials with the sensuality of Sexy Christmas?

I'm warning you now, if you haven't seen this ad yet, you may want to think twice about watching it. Once you see it, the images will leave a scar tissue in your mind distorting every future thought, hope, or dream.

A creature head in a box? Baby seduction? Half-naked Christmas card writing? What happened to the baby- is he in the drink? Was he that cookie? What kind of Christmas is this?

I can't hope it's a campy, ironic commercial, in the same vein as Old Navy commercials from year's past. It's a taunt. I fear I have dared the world too far- or underestimated its guile- and this is its response.

Fur fringed bras and shiny rhinestone panties on super models writhing to Christmas music. Is that the best you can do evil world? Try boobies with Christmas Star pasties. I dare you. How about Mary stripping off her tunic and veil to sell lingerie. I'd like to see you try that- but you won't 'cos you're evil and you're too afraid.

At some level, I hope, we know to be concerned with Sexy Christmas. At least we might offer some token scorrn to Victoria's Secretesque Christmas hoopla, and maybe if it went further, we would have some sense of "Now that's too far."

But instead of hitting us on the head, it's drawn us in for a hug.

Sexy Christmas and heart-warrming Christmas have been combined into some scary mix of syrup and body fluids set to jangly guitars and bells. Wistful, heartwarming and sexy- this Old Navy commercial disturbingly brings them all together to horrifying effect.

It hits the good buttons: diversity, youth, togetherness, giving, beauty, family, holiday warmth, childhood, and the suggestion of sex (group sex?) set to folky pop- all the while suggesting pagan baby-drinking/baking horrors. All these images turn on themselves to turn on us. It's everything we celebrate and think we want given to us as destruction.

If I were smarter, or ambitious enough to be smarter, I would know how to take this video and put it to more appropriate music- and then upload it to the YouTubes, of course. As it is, I'm not. I can tell you though, turning off the sound and syncing this with This Is The New Shit by Marilyn Manson, reveals this commercial for what it is. If you have the means, try it yourself.

There it is. In our faces. Taunting us.

One more thing, this is the only thing it could be; if you don't see it this way, it's because you are blinded by the power of the anti-Christ.