Roll Back the Mileage

If only I wrote everything I think. I thought the whole attorney client-executive privilege thing was the perfect opportunity to withdraw the Miers nomination. And that's what they're saying. Well that's what she's saying.

The president said her decision confirms his "deep respect and admiration" for her. His deep respect and admiration probably confirm how "cool" she thinks he is. I guess the president doesn't respect or admire Rumsfeld.
I can see that.

With perfect timing though, this is today's Daily Dig from the Bruderhof Communities.

Fallen man is not simply an imperfect creature who needs improvement. He is a rebel who must lay down his arms. Laying down your arms, surrendering, saying you are sorry, realizing that you have been on the wrong track and getting ready to start life over again from the ground floor - that is the only way out of a hole. This process of surrender - this movement full speed astern - is repentance.

CS Lewis

Surrendering, saying you are sorry, realizing that you have been on the wrong track and getting ready to start life over again from the ground floor repentance- that's good stuff, Clive.
But, this is not what the president has done. It is something he has been unable to do for some time. Miers, Iraq, prisoner abuses- no mistakes, no apologies, no escape.

Special Note +

Special Note: The Fake News Act is not law. Not yet anyway. I wasn't sure if that's clear.

Here's the plus: I've had dreams like this.

That's it for today.

I Make Up for It With a Game

The Senate Commerce Committee recently passed a bill (could I have come up with a more boring phrase to begin this post? but remember, there's a game at the end!) that, in its original language, would have required "disclosure to accompany any government-produced or -funded prepackaged VNR" in the form of a continuous identification of the source such as "Produced by the US Government."

The BIll as it passed does not have that requirement. Now the Bill is called the "Prepackaged News Story Announcement Act." (Yawn) All this means is that government funded propaganda does not have to be labeled such.

I couldn't decide which word above should serve as the appropriate gateway to the link so here's this: Source

Maybe you think this doesn't matter. You might be right.
Here's a fun and I'm sure completely unrelated game:

Guess who's the Nazi-

I'll give you a name and a description of what that person did. You guess if they were a Nazi or not. Are you ready?

Otto Reich- Directed a covert psychological propaganda unit, responsible for creating false news stories to garner public support for illegal military activities.
Answer

Heinrich Himmler- Literally a fertilizer salesman, early on in his political career, responsible for developing propaganda to garner support for his struggling political party, eventually became leader of a political police unit responsible for solidifying political power and eliminating dissent.
Answer

Joseph Goebbels- Political strategist, created a public image of the leader as political savior and defender against subversive cultural elements.
Answer


Cousin Kevin- The Who
Brat- Green Day
Girlfriend In a Coma- The Smiths
Love Me or Leave Me- Sarah Vaughan
Take Me Out- Franz Ferdinand
TIme On My Hands- Stan Getz

Doing Our Part or Connecting Some Dots

This story is a few days old. I wonder though, if the rest of the world isn't willing to cooperate, is bird flu the answer?

As the Sun at Noon

John Donne

He brought light out of darkness, not out of a lesser light, and he can bring thee summer out of winter, though thou hast no spring. Though in the ways of fortune, understanding, or conscience thou hast been benighted till now, wintered and frozen, clouded and eclipsed, damped and benumbed, smothered and stupefied, now God comes to thee, not as the dawning of the day, not as the bud of the spring, but as the sun at noon.  

Just beCause

I suppose if I were more important, it might have mattered that I didn't post anything yesterday.
If you have a minute,here's why.

It was kind of a moment of silence. Like I said, maybe if I were more important it might have mattered.

The number of dead coalition forces actually hit 2000 some time ago. I wrote about that when it happened. But those numbers included foreigners and we speak American. And somehow in American, zeroes make numbers magical. Two with three zeroes after it matter more than one preceded by a lie.

David Byrne Coming Through
Sail to the Moon- Radiohead
Packt Like Sardines in a Crushed Box- Radiohead
Light and Day/Reach for the Sun- The Polyphonic Spree
Brindisi- Luciano Pavarotti
Don't Worry About the Government- Talking Heads
Make My Funk the P Funk- Parliament

Jokes that aren't.

The Onion link here has the same sort of ring as this post in Bob Ramsey's blog.

Hmm... I see he is reading the same hippies as I am...


Gigantor- Helmet

Am I Listening?

Read this.
Paddy O. makes a point I should have made in my post. Not that I understood this point then. But I do now that he has helped me see something I did not see before.

I should be clearer in saying that while I begrudge being told what is inappropriate by an organization whose advisory board includes Pat Boone and Billy Ray Cyrus, it is okay, in fact it is good to clearly state what is inappropriate for families. I guess I am bothered by what they deem appropriate for families. Did you read this yet? I agree, we do need to know what is good and also what we should avoid. As for the PTC's picks for "Worsts," there is not a show on the list I would let my 5 year old nephew watch. More than half of them are shows I won't watch. But the same is true of the "Bests." Only "Bernie Mac" and "Everybody Hates Chris" are good, not because of the "depiction of a loving, close knit family" and other "traditional values," well, not only because of those things, but they are well written, honest, touching but not sappy, mostly original, wholesome but not preachy, fun shows. Bernie Mac's addresses to "America" are one of the best things on TV. (Maybe there's something better, I don't have cable.) The transition titles and text add ins are smart and funny, the acting is great- especially from kid actors, and "Everybody Hates Chris," while it may be the "Wonder Years" a la Chris Rock, I liked "The Wonder Years." (Though it's not just the "Wonder Years" a la Chris Rock). Like blueberries, these shows are good and good for you. Which though I am doing it now, should not be seen as too separate.
On the other hand, the other shows on their "Best" list are shallow, pointless, testaments to greed, vanity, or empty-headed silliness. If I'm going to do the food thing again they are the... Olestra Ruffles of TV.
And as Le Var would say, "But don't take my word for it."

Also note another link in the blog roll. The new link is to a blog written by one of the people providentially present in my youth saying what I needed to hear before I knew I needed to hear it.

What do you think would be the point of a site like i-am-asian.com? Would you be surprised if you came across yet another reason to not eat at Mc Donald's?

I Am Listening
Batman -Danny Elfman
The Times They Are A-Changin'- Bob Dylan
Ed Is Dead- The Pixies
Shake For Me- Howlin' Wolf
I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself- The White Stripes
Isobel- Bjork
Overture- The Who

After that last post my profile views jumped from 95 to 114 and there was a dramatic spike in Page Views. I am not familiar enough with the data to know why but I'm guessing the phrase "hot young babes" didn't hurt.

Yes, Even For This Post
Jesus of Suburbia...- Green Day

I Am Disappointing

I just added a site meter to my blog. Is that the correct way to say it? Or do I simply say I added site meter since that is the name of the metric?
Maybe it's like Kleenex.
Anyway, I am fascinated by the data it provides. I had recently noticed a spike in my profile views and wondered what that meant to my overall number of site visits. I had thought I was getting visits mostly from the 2 or 3 friends who knew the blog existed or perhaps others who happened to come across the site through Blogger. I didn't think that number would ever be much more than 15 or 20. I guessed most people who visit the site do not check the profile so that an increase in profile views would mean a dramatic increase in overall hits. I don't have any data for visits prior to the 21st but since then I have discovered that people are stumbling upon this site looking for pornography.
The odd thing is, if you're looking for porn, there is nothing in the description of the blog that suggests I would have what you are looking for. No hot young babes, no free porn, no celebs exposed anywhere in the web results description. Still people doing specific searches for "heartbeat babes movies" thought my blog was worth a visit.
I appreciate the visits. I think I appreciate more that if they read the relevant post they may have been shamed into not finishing their search.

These Are Not Free Downloads
Barber of Seville Sinfonia- Rossini
When It's Good- Ben Harper
Let Down- Radiohead

You See What You See

Katrina drew out a lot of self-analysis and critical observations from many corners.
I mentioned before that I saw multi-level civic failure and a glimpse into the nature of power in our country.
Some people, Al Qaeda and some Christians to name a few, saw divine punishment.
However, the VP of the NRA, Wayne La Pierre, saw an opportunity to subvert democracy. That is, according to polls the majority of Americans support increased gun regulation and stricter enforcement of existing gun control laws but good old democracy and the 2nd amendment are no match for the lobbying power of the NRA. In the words of Wayne, images and stories of "citizens standing there alone when... no police protection was available, defending their lives and their propoerty with a firearm" aided the passage of a bill to give gun makers more protection than any other industry in the US.

Tom DeLay may be a... Tom DeLay may represent much of what is wrong with politics but he just did what I say I will do if I'm arrested. In his mug shot he is wearing a suit, tie and an ear to ear grin. This is a much better approach than the typical disheveled, shirtless, I should be on an episode of Cops, or locked up simply because I am scary look you generally get.

Although you could also say that his smile suggests how little regard he has for the rule of law. In fact, that's what I will say.

I Hear What I Hear
This Charming Man-The Smiths
You Are The Sunshine of My Life-Stevie Wonder
Picture of Jesus-Ben Harper
Thank You for Sending Me an Angel-Talking Heads
Excitable Boy-Warren Zevon
Low Light-Pearl Jam
Johnny Quest-The Reverend Horton Heat
Stuck With Me-Green Day

The Over Under

A lot of people hate our freedom so much they want it for themselves. This doesn't always sit well with our need for oil and our president's commitment to "stand with dissidents and exiles against oppressive regimes." It should be interesting (read horribly brutal and sad) to see how our ambivalence toward democracy plays out in oil rich Azerbaijan.

Here's the set up, a US supported autocratic regime, a struggling pro-democracy movement, an upcoming election , and oil- lots and lots of oil.

In another era they probably would have turned to the Soviets for help. It's a good thing they can't do that anymore. Phew.

You know, it's probably not even worth mentioning, but Osama Bin Laden is still... never mind.

Point Taken

Oh that would never happen.

Unless...

In light of the previous post, they're may be a market for yet another Bible "translation." The PTCV wherein sex, violence, profanity, adult themes, etc are all redacted. That's so mine- The Kid Friendly Bible, patent pending.

Someone To Watch Over Me and Link Crazy

I took my brother to see Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. He wanted to see American Pie 2 but I didn't think it appropriate so I took him to see something that wasn't much better. Now he's in jail.

Something similar happened with Aaron. I forget what he wanted to see, something with boobs I guess, but I objected and we rented Igby Goes Down instead. It was a good movie, but I don't think I showed very good judgment. Now he goes to APU.

(this is Aaron)

At the school where I used to teach, I frequently did not see eye to eye with the teachers in the Bible department. I don't see eye to eye with a lot of people but only a few have told me I'm damned; this department is where you would find them. I mentioned to one of these guys that Magnolia was a good movie. I actually told him that I thought it was a morally superior movie to Forrest Gump. He rented Magnolia that evening and his head exploded. It didn't really, but he later made his wife quit her job, he sold his house, bought an RV and moved to Florida to join a religious commune. That's true.

I admit, when it comes to movies, I have made some bad recommendations and choices. I guess this is because I don't have any hard and fast rules about what makes a movie worth seeing. I used to say I wouldn't see Jerry Bruckheimer productions, then there was Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm okay with that. There are some movies I won't bother seeing, but it is not necessarily because they have boobies, bad language or violence in them. This makes some people nervous if I am selecting a movie, but, those three errors mentioned notwithstanding, if I know my audience I can pick some pretty great movies.

That whole knowing your audience thing is key. The Parent's Television Council recently released their picks for the best and worst shows for families during prime time. It turns out what is good for families generally sucks for everybody else. Except Bernie Mac, that show is great. I wouldn't disagree that the shows on their worst list are typically not appropriate for children, sometimes they're not appropriate for anyone 'cos they're lame. But the PTC does more than make recommendations. They run campaigns to have shows completely removed from the air, making them unavailable for anyone. They call for boycotts of companies advertising on shows they don't like. Some things aren't for kids, some things aren't for anyone, but we shouldn't be pushing for a world where culture and discourse are reduced to only that which is suitable for seven year olds.

Kid Friendly Playlist
The One I [deleted]-Sarah Vaughan
A [deleted] and a [deleted]-U2
[deleted]-Smashing Pumpkins
Stepping Into [deleted]-Madlib
Thriller-[deleted]
[deleted] of [deleted]-Warren Zevon
The [deleted] Greats-Wilco
My [deleted]-Miles Davis
Untitled [deleted]-John Coltrane
[deleted] Good-Devo

What's The Point?

I don't ask that in a throw up your hands, rhetorical, I give up way. I mention it as a reminder: sometimes things have a point and we aren't always so good at getting it, the point that is.

Starbucks has begin putting quotes from celebrities of various type on their hot drink cups prefaced with the phrase "The Way I See It." What you get is something like, "The Way I see It...'cheese is pretty darn good'" or "The Way I See It...'you just spent too much on a beverage."" The point being, they are the perspectives of individuals.

Perspectives and values can be wrong, they can also be correct, but part of the process of learning wether they are correct or wrong is expressing them. Part of the learning wether we are wrong or not is listening to others. It's also just a part of being human; we have to, at some point, realize the world is full of a whole bunch of people who aren't us. Everyone else is a "not me." I, in turn am not you. The point being, if we even think of others, we generally forget how not me others are. Starbucks is throwing perspectives into the ether, at least the dense ether of the upper middle class that can afford four dollar drinks.

I like this campaign. Not everyone, though, is happy with this exchange of perspectives. It can be pretty threatening when other people's otherness is literally in our faces. About a month ago some Christians started boycotting Starbucks because it was promoting a homosexual agenda with one of the "The Way I See It's." That is, an other wrote this:

My only regret about being gay is that I repressed it for so long. I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don’t make that mistake yourself. Life’s too damn short.

Armistead Maupin

This morning's USA Today has a story about Rick Warrren's perspective being on a Starbuck's cup. His perspective is basically his book in six sentences. While I wasn't a big fan of the phenomena that was his book, I am a fan of the way he has condensed it and offered it as a view to share with others. He says this:

You are not an accident. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He wanted you alive and created you for a purpose. Focusing on yourself will never reveal your real purpose. You were made by God and for God, and until you understand that, life will never make sense. Only in God do we discover our origin, our identity, our meaning, our purpose, our significance and our destiny.

I like that there is a place where both of these ideas can be expressed. It may be a bit tragic that it's happening on coffee cups and not in our churches, but with the ubiquity of Starbucks maybe it's just a matter of time until that happens. The point being, it's good that some people didn't like Maupin's perspective, some people aren't going to like Warren's, some people may begin to talk about these things, some people may begin to realize there's a point beyond what is said on the cups.

The truth is not on these cups. The truth is not something we accept or reject from a market of ideas or persepctives. Some poeple (Baylor University, Concerned Women of America, American Family Association) seem to be acting as if it is by saying, "If you say this, we won't play with you anymore" (boycotting Starbucks). By running from the simple expression of an idea, we seem to be saying that truth is about competing ideas and our ideas cannot compete. The point being, it's okay to talk about things. It's good to talk about things with people who don't think like you. It's good to have a forum where people are not going to automatically know and agree with your perspective. It's good to not hang on so tightly to our perspective that we cannot be drawn into the Truth.

By the way, my favorite "The Way I See It" is from David Cross:

Chances are you are scared of fictions.
Chances are you are only fleetingly happy.
Chances are you know much less than you think you do.
Chances are you feel a little guilty.
Chances are you want people to lie to you. Perhaps the answer lies on the side of a coffee cup.
You are lost.

And Then Sometimes There Isn't a Point
All Together Now-The Beatles
Do Ya-ELO
Walkin' After Midnight-Patsy Cline
Microphone Fiend-Eric B & Rakim
Flower-The Eels
Suffragette City-David Bowie
Trav'lin' Light-Billie Holiday
19-2000-The Gorillaz
The Heat's On-Dizzy Gillespie
Bluebird-Buffalo Springfield
Freedom of Choice-Devo
Jumping Around-The Rentals
That's The Way of The World-Earth, Wind, and Fire
Mi Chiamano Mimi-Angela Gheorgiu

Why I Want Cable TV

Conventional wisdom says you can get statistics to say whatever you want. That's not exactly true. You can trust others will not know enough to be critical of your methodology or you can use bland facts in twisted and misrepresentative ways, but this does not mean the statistics themselves say whatever you want them to. It just means you can sometimes fool people who don't know better or don't think to ask follow up questions.

Montel Williams did this the other day. He wanted me to be afraid of violent crime on board cruise ships. He said the FBI reported something like 20% of 300 maritime crimes were violent assaults. Okay, now I am a lazy researcher so did not look to get his actual numbers and when I was watching it, I did not think I would be writing about it so did not commit them to memory. So that being said. That's not much, I mean it may be sad for whomever is involved, but it's not that large a number. And how does this include cruise ships; does the FBI include statistics for ships of foreign registry? If I get drunk and punch someone on a harbor cruise that gets counted, but would a murder on a Norwegian cruise liner be counted? I don't know. Whatever, the point being Montel was trying to make a point but may have used the wrong data to make that point. He maybe did this on purpose, he might have just had careless writers. In any case, the statistics, combined with the story of the guest, the music, the images and the emotion all combine to give the impression that I have something to fear when I might actually be quite safe. But remember, just because data don't say what you want them to say doesn't mean they don't say something.

I should use a better example. Maybe I'll try to find one before I post this. I didn't.

Anyway, a similar thing is true with images and news. You can close crop a crowd picture to give the impression of greater numbers. Converesely, you can leave out any images and say "thousands attended" when it was tens of thousands. Both are true but one can downplay an event's significance. Check out the story behind this picture. It shows you how images can be manipulated to give a particular impression. In this case the lie was revealed.

News doesn't really exist does it? There is only what we retell and recreate. It is propaganda- for what I'm not sure, but it is similar to Mc Carthy's list of names, Nixon's dog, Clinton's confessions, and W's flight-suit which were all constructed events designed to give the impression of news and substance but were really just attempts at mediating public opinion. What we see on the news is removed from the actuality of an event and used as a prop to tell some other story. While the events may be important, the story we are trying to tell can be more revealing about who we are than the events themselves.

What's the point of all this? Well I want cable TV because I only get to see the Daily show rarely and now there is the Colbert Report to miss.

I love The Daily show because it has a greater and more trusted value than "the real news" not because of the stories it tells, but because how it satirizes the news by using the same methods as the media. And now the the new Colbert Report goes a step further and does this brilliantly. I have only seen what I can get on the website, and by reading accounts of it, (I'm a super nerd) but it is not only hilarious, it is also the perfect counter narrative to what we believe to be news. When Colbert says,"On this show your voice will be heard, in the form of my voice" or "I don't trust books, they're all fact, no heart. That's what's pulling our country apart today. We are divided between those who think with their head and those who know with their heart" he's not just offering a send-up of the self important media and exposing their self-serving narcissism but critiquing the general doubt and self-centered universe it has created. I love it.

I guess I left a lot hanging here. What is the story we're telling about ourselves? Who is this propaganda for? Oh well.

Trying to construct an appearance of hipness with my playlist
Respect Yourself-The Staple Singers
Chain of Fools-Aretha Franklin
Let it Roll-Hieroglyphics
1921-The Who
Offend in Every Way-The White Stripes
In Heaven-The Pixies
God Only Knows-The Beach Boys
Neptune, The Mystic-Gustav Holst

My Anniversay Weekend

This weekend was Cyndi's and my 5th anniversary. It may not seem that long to be married but we think it is long enough to have had a successful marriage if she should wise up and leave me.

We like to imagine how we might have come to marrying each other in an alternate universe. If we hadn't met when we did, would we ever? If we were to meet each other today, would we end up marrying? I may get in trouble for saying this, but I don't think so.

As it is, we met in high school through Willy, a mutual friend. Even though he didn't have a car, he offered Cyndi and some other girls a ride to the movies so he could spend time with her best friend, Christi. So, I stole (with the intention of returning) my friend's mom's car and, as an unlicensed driver, drove Cyndi, Willy, Christi, and another girl, Heather, around town that night.

Cyndi was immediately impressed that I was driving a stolen car without a license. High school girls can be pretty lame. Later, she would think picking her up from school and riding around on my scooter were awesome. High school girls of the early 90's were especially lame.

Almost from that evening on, we were always together. We didn't date each other. We each dated other people; I dated her best friend. But we were always spending time with each other. We had very different backgrounds so would argue. We argued about the nature of revelation in the Bible, why Pirate Radio sucked, the death penalty. We would each turn corners in our thinking and never saw our disagreements as threats to our friendship. We would fight and actually seek forgiveness from the other. We could laugh at and with each other, call each other on our mistakes, encourage each other, learn form each other, so in college we started making out with each other.

Now we're married.

Other than family, there isn't another person I have spent more time with. Who I am now is such a product of who I have been with her, that I don't know what life would be like if I hadn't known her all these years. I don't think we would meet. I don't think we would start "dating." I don't think we would run into each other at Trader Joe's. We wouldn't both reach for the same package of Gouda and touch hands then look in each other's eyes and know "it was meant to be." We would be somewhere else, perhaps as happy, perhaps not. We might pass on the street; I could be stuck behind her in traffic and never know.

I like that it has happened. I'm glad this is the course we've taken and she is now stuck with me.


Mr. Pitiful-Otis Redding
Home Coming, et al-Green Day
Days Like This Keep Me Warm-The Polyphonic Spree
Get Up Stand Up-Bob Marley & the Wailers
Cry Baby Cry-The Beatles
When You See the Light-Pete Yorn
Pilate-Green Day

Come Up and See Me Some Time

When my wife was in college a boy approached her in one of her classes, handed her a note, and walked away. She panicked. She didn't want to read it in front of other people so she quickly gathered her belongings and ran to a restroom. She ducked into a stall and opened the note. I imagine that she held it in her clenched fists and had one eye closed as she slowly opened it. I imagine she had her hands just in front of her face and slowly peeled the pages of the note apart as if trying to sneak up on the words or prevent them from jumping off the paper. Somebody had asked her on a date. She failed that class because she never went back. You're right, it is a bit odd.

There are a couple of customers (remember, I work at Starbucks) that make me feel very uncomfortable because of the way we interact. A couple of ladies and one guy come quickly to mind. There are some customers with whom I am more friendly than others; but these three are not just friendly. They stare and leer. They make me feel creepy.

This Friday- hey, that's tomorrow- is my last shift there. A lot of people wish me well and say they will miss me. One customer gave me 2 sweet potato pies (one of my favorite pies). Some have hugged me (I don't think I would do that in their shoes). Another, a vocal and aggressive anti-theist, says he wants to "hang out." A lot of regulars have been tipping a little more. All in all, the end of my Starbucks life has been good. Except for one thing... so far. One of the leery ladies gave me her phone number. She said something like, "If you're ever so inclined (wink)..." and handed me a card. The situation struck me as so odd that I laughed. Then I tried to cover up my laugh with a cough. Then I changed the subject to the fact that her name on the card and the name she always gives are different. Then I mentioned my wife. Then I said, "I gotta go" and went to the back of the store. I kinda felt like a jerk.

I think I can sympathize with my wife. Don't get me wrong, what she did in college is crazy. But I can sympathize.

Meeting people, making yourself vulnerable, sharing histories, intimacy of any kind are all risky things any way we do it. There are some interactions that make the risks of human intercourse that much riskier, even so we're supposed to be intimate with each other. We're supposed to be connected and dependent. (Am I going to start talking about sex again?- maybe- I think I'm definitely going to sound like an old man though)

I don't know anyone alive that has preached or taught on chastity. But then, I don't know a lot of things. So if the average church goer even knows the word, I would bet they think immediately of sex. That's too bad. It's a much more beautiful concept than the image of a chastity belt or celibacy imply. It has more to do with being human with each other- in the relations made possible in Christ.

I really have to go... I want to write more about this. Every time, well most of the time, I say, "more on this later" I don't get back to it. Oh well. Maybe.

If you checked that "Mexicans" link you may have seen that Danny hasn't posted anything in almost a month. How 'bout putting some pressure on him to write something? I'll post his phone number if he doesn't write something soon.

What's Bouncing Off My Eardrums?
Chameleon-Herbie Hancock
Doing It to Death-James Brown
Anarchy in the UK-The Sex Pistols
The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill-The Beatles
Stop Draggin' Around-Lenny Kravitz
Don't Stop-Fleetwood Mac
Born As Ghosts-Rage Against the Machine
St Louis Blues-Louis Prima
I Could Stay Here Forever-Frank Black
You Dropped A Bomb On Me-The Gap Band

This Truly is a Golden Age

A few years ago Mc Donald's came up with what they described as their "adult" sandwich. Remember the Arch Deluxe? It was supposed to be a superior quality sandwich for those with adult tastes- read good taste. They don't have it anymore and I suspect it is because people don't go to Mc Donald's for good food. However it may also be because people associate the word "adult" with other things. Adult movies, adult themes, adult sandwiches- I'll pass. In any case, I assume everyone reading this is, if not an adult, at least mature enough to handle a topic that some might consider "adult." (Though if you wait to think about these things until you're an adult you're going to have problems).

On to the adult topic-

I am working on a conceptual music thing for one of our worship services and searched for heartbeat sounds to download. In addition to reaffirming my belief that "free" has no meaning in our culture (or that I am still familiarizing myself with the "newspeak" definiton) I learned that there are people (probably exclusively men) for whom naked girls are not enough, they must be naked girls with heart beats you can hear. There in the first page of search results for "sounds heartbeat" were pages where I could hear baby heartbeats, buy equipment to hear baby heartbeats, read studies about heartbeats, buy software to analyze heartbeats, hear how a mothers heartbeat sounds to a baby, download 100 heartbeat sound effects for "free," and (I won't be including a link for this) Heartbeat Babes, a site for heartbeat or stethoscope fetishists with heartbeat WAV files. Okay.

If there is something so gruesome, so horrible, so perverse that you are afraid to even think it, there is probably a web site and a whole web community devoted to it. Similarly, if you can think of something to satirically critique the absurdity of our depravity, there is probably someone out there who is wholeheartedly into it. Heartbeat fetishists are somewhere in that mix.

But wait, there's more. If you read the online magazine Salon, then you may have already seen this article on people (almost exclusively men) who buy super realistic dolls for pretty much one purpose. You may literally shudder if you read the article. It's a fascinating article, but be warned: it's super creepy.

Porn is an interesting thing. I don't know if the hyper realistic dolls are technically pornography, I'm going to say they are because they have the same purpose. I don't know what is popular as porn in other cultures, but it seems in our culture that men are so conditioned to dominate and be controlling that porn as we know it here is an inevitable outcome. I don't mean dominance as in order or hierarchy, but position as a tool of exploitation and consumption. Men are taught to grasp after this (I don't say women can escape this in our culture, but it seems a cultural trait of masculinity is to be dominant and able to bend others to your will). This isn't meant to systematically describe everything in our uber-sexualized culture, but it seems a feature of porn, especially if we see these dolls as pornography, is the desire to fulfill the ultimate cultural goal of abstracting human interaction into a medium for pleasure. These dolls are perfect examples of that- I know people who treat real humans little better than the descriptions in the Salon article.

This isn't how we are to know each other. In fact we don't know each other, if we see others and ourselves as objects to dominate or be dominated or consume. I wonder if that's why naked ladies aren't enough and it becomes necessary to make them uniquely "personal." That is, maybe a generic naked lady isn't enough so you have to add naked ladies with heartbeats you can hear, or naked ladies with wigs, naked ladies with big feet, naked ladies with hard hats, or naked ladies with whatever, so that they are specific to a particular fantasy.

If I wasn't concerned about what I would find, I think a fun game would be to do a search for "naked lady 'fill in the blank.'"

This isn't to excuse the porn phenomena or to say other cultures don't experience it. I am just suggesting that porn is a unique manifestation of sex as object in our culture. Sex selling cars or hamburgers can be understood similarly. Somebody write a paper on that.

A Very Adult Playlist
Here Comes the Sun-The Beatles
Canned Heat-Jamiroquai
Half a Person-The Smiths
Guerilla Radio-Rage Against the Machine
Jimmy Jazz-The Clash
The Flower Duet-Joan Sutherland
Insomnia-The Rentals
Evil-Howlin' Wolf
Theme From Narc-The Pixies
I Believe in a Thing Called Love-The Darkness
What's Happening Brother-Marvin Gaye
Billie Jean-Michael Jackson
Houses of The Holy-Led Zeppelin
Think-James Brown
Little Animal-The Raveonettes
How to Disappear Completely-Radiohead
Mr. Day-John Coltrane
City of Blinding Lights-U2

For God's Sake, Turn off the TV

I watch a lot of the 700 Club. I am fascinated by it and the other shows on TBN; I can only partly pretend I watch with a sense of condescending irony. In reality I am engrossed. I watch it the same way I might watch ants swarm and pull apart a beetle. Not to say, "Dude, that's messed up," but recognizing that it's real, and though foreign, more familiar than I always admit.

If it was high concept comedy, the 700 Club would be among the best shows on TV. The hair and wardrobe are perfect. The accents perfectly match the comments. Discussion quickly goes from murdered babies to Robertson's diet milkshakes. But it's real, and that's crazy.

So I watch. I watch Pat Robertson. I watch Hal Lindsey. I watch Jan Crouch. I watch Benny Hinn. I call my wife over and ask if she can believe what she's seeing. She tells me to change the channel. I watch and get angry. I watch and laugh. I watch with a sense of superiority and judgment. Can you believe he just said that? Look at her hair? How much do you want to bet she's in the hospital in a week? It's like pro wrestling to me. Man, that's arrogant and foolish.

This isn't a side show or some off the beaten path diversion. Pat Robertson is quoted as an authority on NPR without debate. The eschatology of Hal Lindsey is the culturally assumed view, even among non-Christians, with no alternative in sight. This is the public face of the church. It may be that Christians will always look wacky to outsiders- that's fine. But it's not fine to look wacky and misrepresent Christ. Hopefully, Mother Teresa, St Francis, and Martin Luther King do seem odd and distinct. But hopefully not for the same reasons that Pat Robertson does.

I want to dismiss it all as nonsense. Who watches the 700 Club anyway? Surely no one would look to Jan Crouch with her tarantula eyelashes and pink cotton candy hair for spiritual guidance. But people do. And that's a problem. I am concerned with how we look to those outside the church, but not more than how we exist as the real Body of Christ on earth.

What am I even saying? Only that Pat Robertson seems to be getting a lot of air time these days outside of his regular TBN audience. A lot of people have a "Left Behind" view of history. I suspect some people would think of Benny Hinn when you say "Christian" before they would Jesus.

Somewhere in this is a struggle.

I Miss You-Bjork
I Can See For Miles-The Who
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead-Warren Zevon
Fitter Happier-Warren Zevon
In The Summertime-Mungo Jerry

I Will Die

I am allergic to be stings. I recently learned a bee can fly 15 MPH. In high school, I could run approximately 17 MPH. I know I could not run that fast now. The supermarket by my house is currently home to a large swarm of bees.

L'shanah Tovah

I guess as evidence of the significant influence Hebrew thought has upon this nation, we are at the turning of both the Jewish Year and the Federal fiscal year.

Interesting thing about this fiscal year change:
There is currently not an approved budget. Though a single party controls both houses of Congress and the executive branch (suggesting it would be much easier to push through your legislative agenda) no one is particularly willing to give up their pet financial projects. There is much debate over who has to give up what if we are going to reduce taxes (though the reality of those cuts should be discussed) while we increase military spending.

So they passed stop gap measures to keep the government running. (Back in the 90's when Republicans took control of Congress for the first time in decades, they attempted to shut down the Federal government by withholding budget approval- turns out most people like the Federal government when they realize their taxes actually go to so called "goods and services"- this was a very unpopular move). These measures simply provide funding for Federal government programs despite the absence of a budget. So this means they have temporary funding while they are technically unfunded- with me so far?

Not every Federal agency is unfunded. National parks, and Congress itself managed to get spending measures enacted for the next fiscal year. Phew! But about ten other measures were missed. So to avoid a shut down of, say a Veteran's hospital, or the Coast Guard, or ending death benefits to families of dead military the stop gap resolution maintains temporary funding at current levels unless a lower spending level has already, though tentatively been approved. Now what types of programs do you suppose would have lower spending levels? Programs that will help poor old people buy heating fuel this winter for one. Whatever- Like old people ever die from weather extremes anyway- and what are the odds of oil prices going up this winter anyway?

Why does this matter? Well theses cuts have come about without Congressional approval. These are proposed cuts. They haven't been approved because A.) the Senate has been busy and B.) these are unpopular cuts. Like I said most people like the Federal government and don't want the cuts; when you connect a fiscal decision to real life, people get a bit squeamish. That is, it's one thing to campaign on lower taxes and fiscal "restraint." It's quite another to slap food out of grandma's mouth, or take real people off dialysis machines, or leave cops unpaid, or not inspect incoming shipping containers, or put someone's education on hold because their federal grant is gone. Congress has not approved these cuts, but the spending levels will go down as if they had.

One senator in particular found this particularly unconstitutional, or immoral, or disgusting, or politically stupid. Whatever it was, he suggested the measure be amended to not reduce spending in these particular categories. Now, if that was going to happen, the House would have to come back together and they had already left for the weekend. This is a typical practice of the House. Do something potentially unpopular and leave town, or save the really unsavory practices and report releases for late on Thursdays and Fridays so they can skip town and the media, who are looking forward to the weekend just like everyone else, don't pay particular attention.

So today, community service block grants, for example, have 50% less funding because it was too much to ask the House to come back. And even though it's 90 degrees here in Southern California today, it's already freezing in the Midwest and maybe grandpa can afford to heat his house, and maybe he can't. Maybe he'll pay for gas and forgo a meal or two. These things clearly are not important enough to ask the House to come back and discuss.

You know what the House did find important enough to come back into town for recently? You want to know what was so important that representatives came racing back into town to get their names in the Record, despite the Easter holiday? Terry [expletive] Schiavo.

I don't expect any government to be the church. I don't expect a representative government to be any better than the people it represents. But bad is bad, even when it comes from people you expect to be bad.

This isn't about Republicans or Democrats- it's about people for whom power over other's lives is nothing.

In the turning of the Jewish year, one is supposed to be acutely aware of one's sin and anticipate the work of God that atones for that and makes possible a better future. Maybe we should connect some dots.

I Believe; Help My Unbelief

I think I agree with dbravo's response to my post. As I explain the way I agree with it, others may say we see it differently.
I don't.

Some will probably be familiar with this story:
I lost my car keys in a park once. I gave up trying to find them and Cyndi, who was not my wife at the time, asked if I prayed to find them. I said something like, "No- I think God has better things to do than find my keys- and if I'm not praying for bigger, more serious things, than I'd better not dare pray for something as stupid and trivial as keys." She thought that if it was important to me, it would be important to God. I thought that the reverse should be true. I should not be trying to convince God that what I think is important is really all that important, rather I should spend more time having my will and mind conformed to God's and I could not see my keys fitting into that picture.
Long story short, she said if I wouldn't pray for me finding my keys, she would. I said she could go ahead and waste her time but feel guilty about wasting God's.

I went back the next day for one last look before I spent the money on re-keying my car and while I was there, a couple of kids from a school adjoining the park walked by. I asked if they had seen any keys laying around. They paused and looked at each other, then said a mister so and so had found some keys. They took me to him and my keys. Man, I hate that story.
I do think we fail to pray because of a lack of faith, and I'm going to discuss faith pretty broadly here. It's not always because we believe God cannot accomplish such and such, it may sometimes be because of that. But I am sometimes afraid to pray because of what God can do. I confess my failure to pray for my brother in the last post in the context of the prophetic Psalm referenced because it's hard for me to accept that my brother being in jail is an answer to prayer- I lack faith there. If my brother is hardened to this, what will happen if I keep praying for him? God's not nice.

Additionally, real earnest prayer requires action on my part- not just the praying, but responding. To a certain extent, I've worked through that last part in my life. I am not as spiritually lazy as I have been in the past. I know and desire that when I pray I will be an instrument in God's work. I now fear what will happen to people if I pray for them and they continue to reject God. That doesn't always stop me, but it makes me tentative- I lack faith here too. How much breaking can I watch my brother go through?

So there is no fruit to my labor,
There is nothing around me that I can use,
Everything is dead and barren,
But God is salvation

Farewell Ride-Beck
We Are All Made of Stars-Moby
White Room-Cream
Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah-Violent Femmes
Village Ghetto Land-Stevie Wonder
Sylvio-Bob Dylan
Bodies-Sex Pistols

A Trick of The Light

The fig does not blossom, nor is there fruit on the vines
The produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food
The flock is cut off from the fold and there is no herd in the stalls
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD
I will joy in the God of my salvation

I was on Jeopardy. I lost- well, as Cyndi would remind me, I came in second place. Initially I was on a role. I wagered everything on the Daily Double, missed it and couldn't recover. I kick myself for the mistakes I made that I think led to me missing the question. This picture was taken just after I was not able to guess what the NE in Necco candies stands for. I know now- if you tell me again I will delete your comment.



When I received this picture in the mail I opened it and immediately thought, "Holy crap! That's my brother." My brother and I look very similar but I can tell us apart. It's not the physical similarities that struck me.

I am not happy in this picture. I am beaten, rattled, resigned to defeat. Even as I need to put on a bit of a show, that face is all I can muster. Even with the encouraging words of Alex Trebek, "That was a bold move, my friend," I can't manage more than this crestfallen vacancy. That's my brother.

He is in jail right now- for violating his probation, which he was on for selling drugs. But even before that, even behind a smile, he had this look.

He doesn't know what life is and I don't know how to show him. At least I don't think i know how to show him.

I visited him Sunday, he's looking worse than the last time I visited him, which was a while ago, but better than one might expect. I don't know what this means and I don't know what he needs. I mean, I know he needs to change, but I don't know how this happens for him. He wants to reserve for himself the right to make the same mistakes in the future that he did in the past. As bad as his situation is, he seems to think if he makes any kind of changes he is precluding what he enjoys from his future. He is committed, or at least he has been, to his sin, not just specific actions, but he is committed to this condition that he thinks is life. He thinks that emptiness should always be, that he should always look that lost.

I don't believe a changed heart comes simply from changing actions, but I also don't believe our actions are so separate from our intentions that a change in direction will not have an eventual influence on our internal condition. I know that's tenuous; I do believe that a changed heart comes from our old selves dying through a real encounter with Christ and that can happen a number of ways. If someone else is willing to concede that this may happen by engaging in particular "good" actions, I will concede that it may happen when someone hears a particular verse or says "the sinner's prayer." Actually, as I write that, I see less division than I feel there is. In any case, I don't know what to do for my brother.

I don't pray enough for him. I don't pray that he be burdened and broken by God's Spirit. I don't pray that whatever knowledge he has increases. I don't know how to show him what's right in front of his face.

This is connected to other things, other things I want to share but have to leave for another time.

So I'll say it again-
The fig does not blossom, nor is there fruit on the vines
The produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food
The flock is cut off from the fold and there is no herd in the stalls
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD
I will joy in the God of my salvation

For as many songs as I have- I seem to be hearing the same things too frequently
Turn to Stone- ELO
Kicked in the Taco-Frank Black
Are We the Waiting-Green Day
At Least That's What You Said-Wilco (this song rules)
Eleanor Rigby-The Beatles
War-Edwin Starr
In The Cold, Cold Night-The White Stripes
War Within A Breath-Rage Against The Machine
Down By the Riverside-Sister Rosetta Tharpe
All Along the Watchtower-BobDylan
Spoonful-Howlin' Wolf
Carlos Don't Let it Go To Your Head-Pete Yorn
Dracula-Gorillaz
Skanky Panky-Kid Koala
I've Got To See You Again-Norah Jones
We Live Again-Beck
Must Be Wrong-The Rentals
Thru The Eyes of Ruby-Smashing Pumpkins

...One More Thing

Bear in mind I say this as a Southern California male Latino with a black truck: why can't the stinkin' Raiders win a game?! They were sooo close in Philadelphia, but close games are just a failure to work hard enough to win, and this past Sunday was perfect evidence of that- ugh giving up a field goal. Whatever- the team is burdened with a losing mentality. There is a difference between losing and being beat- and the Raiders keep losing.

It Begins

A friend of mine just asked me if I would like to help coach his son's soccer team. I don't know if I will. I keep saying this, because it keeps being true: I am very busy. So coaching, as fun as it may be, might be out of the question. Plus, I only have room for so much disappointment in my life; if this isn't a very good team I would have to try harder to find success in other areas. That's not likely unless I find time for video games. So I'm right back where I started.

As I said, I was at a peace demonstration this weekend. I also went to the Los Angeles Dream Center. Oh- and I sold out too. I had a full Saturday.

Let's begin at the Dream Center. There were some parallel streams developing in our congregation that culminated in our discovering it was necessary to serve people that live in small clusters of neglect in Glendora.

Glendora is a very affluent suburb of Pasadena (which I suppose is itself a suburb of Los Angeles). It rests at the foothills that make up the Northern wall of the San Gabriel valley. There are a lot of SUV's here (you'd probably only see as many Hummers in a 50 Cent video). Bush-Cheney stickers, yellow ribbons, and Mormons are also regularly sighted. What we don't have a lot of are open spaces (I don't count the undeveloped foothills as open spaces- they don't seem to exist for public use; access to them is only a priority when someone wants to build bigger and more ostentatious mansions), down town life, or liquor stores. The few liquor stores we do have are primarily concentrated, with a couple of bars thrown in for good measure, along a 1.5 mile strip of Route 66 that also has an inordinate amount of trailer parks, long stay hotels, and apartments. These places caught my attention because of how distinct they are and how well hidden. They are disguised by ivy-covered or stuccoed walls, hidden from street view by strip malls, or situated among businesses so that if you're not looking you don't realize you just drove by people's homes. At least I didn't realize I was driving by people's homes.

We have a mission, of sorts, in our congregation. We talk about reaching the 600 or so homes surrounding our facility and we do little "outreach" things to invite them to church or let them know we exist, but within walking distance of our building- literally right around the corner is one of these hidden residences. I know everyone has needs, but some people want to keep them hidden. That's kind of the point of suburbs: hiding need and displaying success. We do that as individuals and it looks like Glendora does it as a town.

Anyway, the converging streams- so I'm wondering why we're not serving them, someone else is wondering why we're not preaching good news to the poor, someone else is looking for a way to bring what they've learned on short term missions trips home, another is praying for ways to "stretch their faith," so I took my pastor and associate pastor on a field trip to these places to see what we might be able to do. And it turns out this is where our streams meet. We're just going to bite the Dream Center's rhymes. They have what they call their "Adopt-a-Block" program. I did something like it in college and I guess I'm going to do something like it again. We wanted to see a model of it and get a feel for how we might translate it to what we're looking to do.

If you've read a couple of my posts, you may have gotten the sense that I am a bit cynical, but I am genuinely excited about this. I was deeply moved and troubled by my experience with the Dream Center kids I went about with. I was moved by how easy it was to pray with strangers and how quickly some people will acknowledge their desperate need for God's intervention when sin is so clearly around them. I was troubled by how that need is so easily denied by what we've come to think is normal and how real and subtle our idols are.

Then I went to the downtown peace march coinciding with the march on the White House. Logical cohesion and good grammar were rare but I will share more of this later.

I will tell you now though how I sold out. I got a cell phone. The only other time I had one was when I was briefly "homeless" in college. I thought I would be able to fight off cell phone ownership until I died, but even as I type I have one in my pocket. Drag.

Evening Playlist:
Classical Homework Medley

It's This or Hegel

I was at the downtown (L.A.) peace march this past weekend. I will have more to say about that and some pictures to post later. In the meantime, these are the types of things distracting me from homework:

-Things I overheard in a coffee shop-
Kevin was small framed and probably younger than his appearance suggested. He had the short "preemptive" haircut popular with many men fighting a receding hairline and rested his elbows on his knees when he talked so that his forehead rested inches above the table top when he listened to his grandmother or, when he was looking up to talk, framed his head against his shoulders to give him a sort of plaintive and entreating look.
Grandma wore blue polyester slacks, a floral print smock, glasses at her chest, and had a cane leaning against her chair. She sat upright and leaned back slightly when she began to speak but slowly moved forward and closer to Kevin while his head was down.

Kevin-You know gramma, about the drinking- it’s not the drinking, I mean it’s not the liquor it’s the anger- I mean my anger and my alcohol it just doesn’t mix- if I put the alcohol aside I still have my anger- you know? I wanna chill down but its from my mom- or I dunno where I got it from- but it’s not the alcohol I thought about it the whole week- I mean calling you at the hotel- or when I called you it wasn't 'cos I was drinking- or I mean I got more angry cos I was drinking- but I was out of control 'cos I’m angry. It was uncalled for-

G-Ma-I know it was uncalled for

K-And that’s what makes me feel worse cos it was a special day

G-I know it was a special day. And I’m glad you didn’t know Susan had borrowed the car because it would have made you angrier...

Occupado, man. With this:
An outlook toward the future in which the "spiritual life" is saved and the economic life is left unsaved is both unchristian and stupid.
Walter Rauschenbush
A Theology for the Social Gospel

Big Baby I

For whatever reason (and whatever that reason may be will be discussed further at a later date) my wife and I cannot have a baby. Cyndi has had two confirmed miscarriages. I say confirmed because I guess women may miscarry without knowing they were pregnant. It turns out it is quite common. In fact, considering the odds and obstacles against it, that any woman ever gets pregnant at all is pretty miraculous. So ever since her second miscarriage she has not been able to get pregnant.

One thing this does is make me angry. I get especially angry when I see people who are not married with babies, I get angry at people in bad marriages who seem to have children as accessories to some vision of success. I get angry at whatever I don't know about myself that is keeping Cyndi from getting pregnant. I get angry that no furniture store owner has seven babies so I can steal one.

I was angry at a pregnant lady. She was a friend of a friend who has a horrible husband who is judging from all evidence cheating on her. They already have one child on whom they've loaded enough baggage for three childhoods and I can't imagine what is in store for the next. I'm not just angry at what I see as a general unfairness but actually angry at someone who gets pregnant in those circumstances. Or, actually, I am angry at the two of them not just her. This all seems very immature on my part.

It also makes me have second thoughts about adopting kids- well maybe not second thoughts. But it makes me concerned. Cyndi and I wanted to adopt children, I guess we still do- no, I know we still do. But does the fact that we can't have biological children change the dynamic? Does the fact that I even wonder that mean I am not suited to adopting children? Does the fact that I get angry at anyone being pregnant mean I am not suited to parenthood at all? How could that be? I mean my parents had children? Maybe ignorance is more of a prerequisite than is self reflection.

Not much time for writing tonight. I have a lot of reading to catch up on and need to go to bed early.

No random playlist tonight- just listening to Ben Folds Five.

HOLY CRAP, I'M WANTED FOR MURDER!!

I just did a Google Blog search with my name and it turns out another Robert Gonzalez murdered someone (allegedly) in Rancho Cucamonga with one Kathryn Medina. That's a bit too close to home to think something bad won't ever come of it.

Loving Republicans: For He is Kind to The Ungrateful and The Selfish

So I mentioned I'm not too into blaming any single person for the miserable anticipation and response that surrounded hurricane Katrina. It's not only typical of how poor people in the US are treated, I think it's a function of bureaucracy. Now notice I say a function and not the function. And if you infer from that statement that I mean it is purposeful you are right.

Firstly, as fun as some of them may be, I tend to not believe in conspiracy theories- especially those that involve complex nefarious government plots. Have you ever been to the DMV, or had mail lost, or tried to see the registrar at a public university? Bureaucracy tends away from simplicity of execution (and one thing most conspiracy theories require is a clear vision and manipulation of these various levels of power). It was largely the multiple levels of government and responsibility that contributed to horrible preparation and coordination in anticipation of Katrina, and the same that led to the ball-dropping and buck-passing in response. It would be convenient to identify one person as responsible, and it is a noble leader who can say the buck does indeed stop with them (Where are you now Harry Truman?- Oh right decomposing) but that is not representative of how our government works. Ideally, under attentive leadership and a participating citizenry, the redundancy of systems and the scale of the Federal government would allow for a better response to, not just Katrina, but various concerns of industrial society. But in actuality, it seems the diffusion of responsibility and decision making make this more difficult when you mix in apathy and self-interest. Add evil to that and you have situations wherein individuals can use the system to work plots or events to their advantage: win contracts, ignore looming problems, identify scapegoats, eliminate opponents, blah blah blah. And all the while, those without power are wihtout power.

Anyway, I say this as background. I mentioned that I was bothered that my dad is a Republican. That really should be qualified. I live in Glendora and taught in a private school- I know lots of Republicans- and that fact alone does not bother me. I love a lot of Republicans. I appreciate political differences, I think they are necessary for a world that doesn't know Jesus. The resulting tension between them can keep power decentralized and prevent any one entity from dominating the landscape (of course this requires viable opposing groups- not just opposition in name). I don't think it is the place of the Body of Christ to hitch their ponies to any of their wagons but to oppose them and live truthfully. After all, any worldly power has worldly power in mind; so even if the parties (as generically understood) keep each other in check they still do not serve Christ. So it's not the job of the Church to elect any particular party to office but to force them to be honest.

So my dad... So my dad sent me a forward. He (or his wife- they share an address) sends me a lot of forwards. He is a chaplain for a state agency, so a lot of them have to do with praying for such and such a thing. This last forward he sent was not about an injured police officer nor about what this state agency may be doing to help out hurricane victims. It was about what we said we don't want to play- the blame game. (scroll down in the links for transcripts of press-press secretary dialogue) It was a forward including an AP picture of flooded buses in New Orleans with the accompanying explanation that it wasn't the president who failed- in fact the federal government is doing an amazing job, vacations, ignorance, and withholding orders to send in troops notwithstanding. It was whoever happens to be a Democrat that is to blame- "them." The "them" that relies too much on the Feds for assistance, the "them" that waits for a handout instead of taking initiative, the "them" that only knows how to play the blame game.

I know these arguments are out there. I know a lot of people, in trying times, do what is most comforting to them (it's funny for how many people what is most comfortable to them is blaming Bill Clinton) and turn responsibility from themselves. But I didn't want them to come from people I figured knew better.

I know he and I don't see things similarly nor will we likely ever vote for the same person. That is not as discouraging as knowing that this forward sent to me was little more than political hackery. It's one thing to favor one politician over another, it's quite another thing to give yourself over as a political stooge, and that's what this is/was. It is what so much of the church does and it was very disheartening to see my dad (or his wife using their joint account) engage in it.
Maybe you could say it is keeping the people that want to blame the Federal government about the Katrina response honest, except that it isn't. The information in the forward is not accurate and ignores many of the facts that reveal the culpability of the federal level. Like I said, everyone is to blame. This forward was not about sharing responsibility but more of the buck passing and excuse making that accompanies being a shill. Anytime I see the members of the church buy into what the whore is selling, whether it's on the Left or Right, I am bothered. It was just extra troubling to have it so close to home.
It didn't help that I was so physically exhausted too. I was sleeping-on-my-feet tired. When I read the forward I was deeply discouraged. Later, I stood in the shower thinking about it, just letting the water hit me, wondering why he thought it necessary to send that to me as much as why I was being such a baby about it.

Anyway, this is better than sending forwards or crying about what you find in your inbox. Really, go here. Do it. Or even here.

What did we hear this morning?
Wednesday Prayer Meeting- Charles Mingus
Judy Is a Punk-The Ramones
Fitter Happier-Radiohead
Politician-Cream
Sweet Leaf-Black Sabbath
Come Dancing-The Kinks
Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA-Devo
Just A Gigolo-Louis Prima
Something In The Way-Nirvana
The Meaning of the Blues-Miles Davis
(great transition)
Hang On To Yourself-David Bowie
Get Up On The Downstroke-Parliament
I've Been Loving You to Long-Otis Redding
Climbing Up The Walls-Smashing Pumpkins
Deep Concentration-Lyrics Born
Folsom Prison Blues-Johnny Cash

I know I probably can, but I wonder how I could make it so you hear the songs as you read.

Hey I'm Back

Hola, amigos, I know it's been a while since I rapped at you. I know, I know, it's a bit inside.
One of the reasons I started doing this was to try to discipline myself to write something that wasn't related to school. I mean non-academic writing. I failed that this last week. I failed horribly. I sort of need to be aggressively academic so I can increase my "marketability." That just means I need to do really well in school- obsessively well so in the long run I can get a teaching gig. In the short run I miss a lot of sleep, TV watching opportunities, and don't do much personal writing. Of the three, right now, perhaps I miss TV most- the Emmys were just on celebrating the brightest starts of our TV galaxy, making clear what a horrible darkness I have sent myself to.
Some people say that the condition of your home is evidence of what is going on with you internally. So here is an emotional/psychological inventory via a description of our dining room. (Which also serves as our living room, library, and family room.) Our dining room table is about 3 feet wide by six feet long. It is covered with Cyndi's and my school books and book bags. There are two packages of cookies- open, stale, and half-gone, a very realistic looking air soft pellet gun modeled after a 9mm Beretta, a handheld 1,000,000 candle power flashlight functioning as a bookrest, a Claremont Colleges Express Checkout Library receipt, a 2x2x2.5 plastic box of Fall seasonal decorations, a TV remote control, gum wrappers, a Latin dictionary, a set of nail clippers, a Barnes and Noble invoice, two empty drinking glasses- one on a coaster, bottle caps, take out food packaging, a domed glass cake platter, Aland's Greek New Testament, folded laundry- whites, a Dictionary of Philosophy and Religion, a carved ironwood sea turtle, a copy of Hegel's Phenomenology, a commentary on the same, two plastic shopping bags of cake decorating supplies, a 15 inch PowerBook running iTunes- playing Universal Traveler by Air, a beanie put on my head by a student at camp and never returned, and my left forearm.
There has been a lot I wanted to write about but I just haven't had the time. I had a bit of a breakdown because my dad is a Republican. It's more involved than that, but embarrassingly that's what it comes to. I got angry at a pregnant lady. And I've really wanted to write what I've been thinking about judgment and punishment in conversation with dbravo and kind of how I see it in my life.
So I am trying to follow some type of schedule so that I'll have the opportunity to write, do all the reading and writing I need to do for school, spend time with Cyndi, see friends, etc...

Blue Moon

While in college, once, in the dining commons, I was sitting within earshot of a small cluster of underclassmen who were giving one of their own a hard time about being a vegetarian. She seemed uncomfortable and one of her companions in particular was especially aggressive in verbalizing his opinions on the matter. I am not a passive eavesdropper and I don't like to see people gang up on anyone so I mentioned to him some of the reasons one might want to be a vegetarian.
I had cut meat right out of my diet because I lack discipline. I was eating over a pound of meat a day simply because it was available. Bacon, sausage- of all types, hamburgers, , meatball sandwiches, lots of chicken, if it bled at one time, I was eating it in- large amounts, artery clogging, colon blocking, putrifying amounts. So I stopped. Except for Buffalo wings, I kept eating those.
In any event, I explained to her friend the differences in the digestive systems of herbivores and carnivores, the effects of meats in animals with relatively long guts, the way different components of our alimentary tracts are designed to absorb different types of nutrients from different sources, the efficiency of energy transfer from plant matter both in production and consumption, the way humans can get everything they need from a vegetarian diet and just the subjective "better feeling" one gets from eating a lot of vegetables.
His response: "No it's not." Hard to argue with that.
Dbravo on the other hand gives us a good example of the kind of discussions that are possible between thoughtful people who care about their subject even if they see things differently. I move the discussion form the comment section to the main becuae it's interresting and may be related to something else I'll want to write.
I mention that there is an immediate and ultimate consequence of sin. I don't just mean the consequence of sin completely corrupting the image of God in humanity or the effect of that on the world. I mean the immediate consequence a sin and the condition of sin has in one's life (even if that consequence or condition is not readily "reaped" or known) and ultimately the eternal separation from God and a final judgment. There may be other consequences as well, but we should be cautious. It is difficult to see the causal relationship between a sin perceived and its assumed consequence.
More important, we need to recognize sin as a conditon, more than (or maybe as much as) a specific act. One is already punished for sin, one is already dead unless alive in Christ. I don't see punishment as having ended, but I see it more broadly- the wages of sin is always death and that always is. Does this preclude any other type of consequence for a given sin? I don't think so. Does God still punish? Sure, but what does that look like? And, is that judgment? To that question I would say, "Not entirely so;" we need to recognize that judgment in light of Christ means something else.
Our use of judgment describing a given event as evidence of God's judgment is mistaken. Of course being able to impose a penalty implies that a judgment or decision has been made, but punishment does not have the value that judgment has. Punishment is punitive, whereas judgment is restorative. Though a decision must be made for judgment to be implied, such a decision already has been made. The standard of God and the measure of man are already known. So the death of Christ is judgment because it shows the adherence to the law and the restorative potential of judgment. To be clear, punishment and judgment are separate even if related.
I use the Peterson episode to make the point that it seems we think punishment is the point of judgment and at the same time suggest that we often look for punishment to do some type of completing action that it cannot do.
As for the end- it's coming and it seems the destruction of evil in the final judgment has both punitive and restorative qualities.
I don't want us to think that God neither punishes nor that anything that happens is not punishment. I just need to understand what punishment is and be slow to identify who is responsible for what I think is judgment. Remember, this is in the context of my struggling to understand the apparent rise of Islam as a foil to the condition of the Western church. This could be a convenient read, but I don't think a faithful one.

Evening Playlist
Cover Me- Bjork
Tell Her Tonight-Franz Ferdinand
Murray-Pete Yorn
The Long And Winding Road-The Beatles
Lady Sings the Blues-Billie Holiday
Where I End and You Begin-Radiohead
Take the A Train-Duke Ellington
Iron Man-Black Sabbath
We're Not Gonna Take It-The Who
Stella By Starlight-Dizzy Gillespie
Prophets of Rage-Public Enemy
Morning Has Broken-Cat Stevens
Nimrod's Son-The PIxies
Come Into My Life-Jimmy Cliff
Smells LIke Teen Spirit-Nirvana
Mr. Soul-Buffalo Springfield
Comfort Eagle-Cake
Soul Suckin Jerk-Beck
It's the Sun-Polyphonic Spree
Keep Your Eyes on the Prize-Pete Seeger
Mars, THe Bringer of War-Gustav Holst

This Is My Costume

I deleted three comments from a couple of posts. The message "This post has been removed by the blog administrator," seems very pregnant. Why was it removed, was it offensive, did someone hurt your feelings, could you not believe what they said? They were just ads. One ad was for "penis pills." I'm not sure if they were made of or for. Another was for carpet cleaning stuff and I can't remember the third. Now I've had to resort to word verification to avoid anymore commercials. I mean really- commercials on the internet.

I also received my first comment from an "unfamiliar." I think I could guess what she's trying to get at but I won't. In any case I think it kinda' misses the point of my post.

I worked (opened) everyday this week except for Thursday. This means I'm averaging about four hours of sleep a night.

Coming Soon: Complaints and Lamentations About Infertility

Blog logistics and post play list:
Groovy Situation- Gene Chandler
Cry Baby Cry- The Beatles
Evil Hearted You-The Pixies
Flamenco Sketches-Miles Davis

Something In The Water

So my blog is no longer anonymous. In reality it never was. I'm sure anybody who read it certainly did so because I mentioned it to them. But now my name and face are attached. I ultimately don't know if that's an improvement, but Katelyn's forehead is a nice touch.

So there it goes. The debate surrounding the aftermath of Katrina is whether it's "holding those responsible accountable" or "finger pointing/the blame game." Not many words in the mainstream about it being evidence of a systemic problem. Not many people thinking it odd that the richest nation on earth would have so many poor people, or that this is how they are treated. There is this:
"To be poor in America was to be invisible, but not after this week, not after those images of the bedraggled masses at the Superdome, convention center and airport. No one can claim that the post-Reagan orthodoxy of low taxes and small government, which does wonders for the extremely rich, also inevitably does wonders for the extremely poor. What was that about a rising tide lifting all boats? What if you don't have a boat?"

- Eugene Robinson, columnist.
Washington Post via Sojomail.

The thing about being invisible though, if you're eventually seen, you're a novelty more than a person.

Sojomail also has an editorial in which Jim Wallis mentions the providence of this media coverage coinciding with the recent Census report on the 4th annual increase in the poverty rate. He doesn't seem very upset about the latter though. Who am I to say he's getting soft- I live in in Glendora. But there is no mention of the arbitrary nature of the poverty line. He doesn't mention that the poverty threshold is an unrealistic number set by politicians who have no interest in realistically representing the number of poor people in the US. It does not account for differences in health care costs. It doesn't reflect the needs of a family that might have two working adults contributing to the gross income of the household but creating unrepresented needs and expenses. And that whole issue of it being a measure of gross income doesn't account for the effect government policies will have on net income- like the cost of higher education increasing because of diminishing funding or the increase in rent or fuel costs because of housing and energy policies. (Ugh that's wonky). I am not bad mouthing Jim Wallis. It just seems that used to be the kind of thing that would get him going.

Cyndi is adjusting to teaching in public high school after five years of private. I don't want to say anything that might misrepresent how she really thinks about the situation, but she has mentioned some challenges. I'm adjusting to her not being here and being as busy as I've been. The paychecks should help us adjust though.

This afternoon's playlist:
Maria- Rage Against the MAchine
Train In Vain- The Clash
Good Morning Heartache- Billie Holiday
Church On Sunday- Greenday
No Ordinary Love-Sade
Kiss-Prince
Hang On To Yourself-David Bowie
Don't Change Your Plans-Ben Folds Five

Even If It's a Cool Looking Wagon

I am not at all a fan of the president but I can't hop on the "Blame W for the Horrors in LA" bandwagon any more than I can say the disaster is the fault of transvestites or Girls Gone Wild tapings in New Orleans. There are plenty of things to be critical of in the anticipation and response of the hurricane but to single out the president as somehow solely responsible isn't right. There are a lot of things he could have done differently and better, but that can be said of any number of officials at various levels of government. The fact is, the people hurt most by Katrina were those who had the least opportunities or fewest resources to take advantage of, they are the people who are always overlooked. These are the always forgotten.

There may be some evidence of particular incompetence and callous during this disaster: remaining on vacation while the city floods, directing people to an evacuation facility without resources, providing evacuation transportation after the fact rather than before, being completely unaware of where help is needed, diverting necessary resources to photo-ops, offering "let them eat cake" condolences, but these are not all W's doing.

The president may be an Ivy League Elitist but he is not alone in his contempt for the poor. He is not the only politician who does not consider the policy consequences for the most vulnerable. That's the nature of worldly power and it seems like a distraction to get wrapped up in a discussion of who is most to blame. It is not any individual but rather a devotion to our culture that worships vanity and earthly glory. The powerless were in a horrible situation before the hurricane, now it's worse. It is the challenge of the church- well at least I feel compelled- to not get sucked into a debate of who is to blame, but follow the Biblical and Spiritual mandates to live as the Body of Christ, to love justice and do mercy through the continuing, but underpublicized, disaster that is the fall of humanity.

WARNING: Meandering Melodrama

I think I mentioned some time ago I was struggling with the idea of the great Islamo-Christian War having the effect of purging the church of its imperial Christian taint. It's hard to not think like that. I mean the identification in the West of Christianity with wealth, hairspray and power does need to end, but I don't think it is to be done with violence. It's that last part I need to keep away from me. It's as bad as those voices saying Katrina is a victory for Christians (you know, Muslim militants are saying the same thing). It seems natural and in line with some vague conception of justice wherein bad is punished through violence and those who do wrong are clearly dealt with. Because it comes to us so naturally we should be wary of it. At least I try to be wary of it.

We have a skewed sense of justice if we think Katrina, 9/11, killing bad guys, getting cancer, eating bad fish, allergic reactions, or stubbing your toe are examples of divine justice; that and we're dumb. Every person that died in Katrina was worse than the wealthy who could fly to their vacation homes and avoid the hurricane? Those who stayed behind and are now helping others are morally worse than those who stand by and say they deserved this or they are now better off than they were before. (For you that don't check the links, Barbara Bush offered a "let them eat cake" bit of comfort to the hurricane refugees) .

Remember Scott Peterson? Remember the crowds that cheered when they came back with the death penalty for him?


If it weren’t for the caption you would probably not know that this crowd was cheering the imminent death of a killer. This is typically our sense of justice. This is what we think is right. This is what we're doing if we cheer destruction as God working justice.

These people took time off of work and school to be present. They made their calls, arranged for babysitters and carpools. They woke early, fought for the good spots (near the media), and waited. Some stood in the dark and cold. They made sure they were present for… for what: an announcement; a communal expression that society will not allow this to go unpunished; assent to complicity in Scott Peterson’s death? They came together for the hope for punishment. They hoped for something that looked like justice. They hoped for something that could make right the wrongs so obvious in Scott Peterson’s life. They hoped for some light in the darkness cast by Scott Peterson’s sins, and they cheer the decision made be the jury. I don't think these people would buy tickets to stand on the side lines of New Orleans and cheer death, but they reveal this stripe in them is the same as that in those praising God for the destruction of New Orleans. (If you don't think they're out there, sign up for the Columbia Christians For Life email updates).

Scales are frequently used as symbols for justice. They suggest wrong is made right by applying an equal and opposite force in response to evil or equally applying rule to a decision. One life is taken for another. One who caused suffering incurs an equal degree of suffering. Time is given for money, money is given for pain, a baby is cut in half to satisfy competing claims. We imagine the maintenance of a moral balance in the universe. That makes sense. That seems fair; but it is not satisfying. Justice is not balance. It is not restitution or getting what one deserves. It is not even a fair and even handed decision. If we settle for that understanding we miss what God has done, we miss what God continues to make possible. Justice in light of God has more to do with being made right than being given a fair deal. It is advancing towards wholeness. It is movement towards perfection. It is an advancement that is only possible through Jesus Christ. It is God in Christ making right what seems so wrong in humanity. This crowd cheering the death of a criminal is looking for justice but has settled for revenge. It rejoices at the possibility of Scott Peterson’s death righting sin, but its trust is in despair; it looks forward to death.

I can be a little negative at times, but dig this: this is also a picture of possibility; there is the possibility for hope: not in the faces, not in the cheers for death, not in the demand for retribution, but in the evidence that we yearn for something to make us right. There is the eternal possibility of the divine reaching into despair, the possibility of the blind responding to the light, the possibility of grace restoring what is lost in sin. There is the possibility of God’s love making us right and of us living as a light to the world.

Katrina is not punishment for abortions, transvestites, homosexuality, debauchery, and everything else that happens everywhere else as well as in New Orleans. People don't have to die for justice to be done. God did that.

How Do You Top Fire

I love fire. When I was a kid, a good number of my toys were improved by my applying fire or heat to them: fireworks and flame applied to models for a "used" look, hot needles through GI Joes for bullet holes and scars. Even the concept of fire is great: flames painted on hot rods or motorcycles, Jerry Lee Lewis' Great Balls of Fire, whatever fire it is that has Jimi Hendirx and the Ohio Players all worked up and singing about, the baptism of the Holy Spirit, the fellowship engendering lure of a campfire, (I was thinking of adding this line- "flaming homosexuals are so much more fun than your garden variety"- Is that too much?). Fire rules. Even though I burned a lot of stuff, I am a pyrophile rather than a pyromaniac. (My wife, on the other hand, has started fires in public places- which I think puts her more into the "maniac" category.)
I continue to think fire is great. If any given thing is good, then the application of fire generally improves it. I have used this philosophy in pumpkin carving and belly flop contests, talent shows, and Christmas trees to name a few. A problem, though, is fire is so great, it is difficult to top it. We are having our annual end of the summer barbecue and while it will be good, I don't know if it can be better than last year. Last year we had a bon fire in the yard. That's enough to make it a barbecue for the ages, but later in the evening we also fire walked. That's right, we raked out the coals and walked barefoot across them. How do you beat that? I may have to burn our house down.

The outpouring of charity to those suffering from hurricane Katrina is good. To use a dated phrase- it's a very Christian thing to do. The conditions that contributed to this being such an incredible humanitarian disaster are due in part to a lack of resources being invested among the most vulnerable. Why is charity poured out after a natural disaster easier to come by than working for justice in response to man made disasters?

Cyndi got a new job- hooray!

Gag Me With A Conscience

I haven't thrown up in over 21 years. I don't know why. I've been sick plenty of times (The Love I'm Searching For- The Rentals) and even if I'd thought it might help, I haven't thrown up. There may be something wrong with my pyloric sphincter- I'm no doctor- but I just may be some sort of super human. In any case, this morning I came very close to vomitting.
Since I don't throw up frequently, I don't sympathize easily with people who say they get car or sea sick or claim to have been made nauseous by some intense emotional experience. I tend to think motion sickness is in people's head; if you think you're going to get sick, you're probably right. But as far as intense emotions go, today I felt as close to vomiting as I ever have and I feel a bit guilty about it.
I happened to be in a Starbucks (Come Dancing- The Kinks) this morning. It was as crowded as you might expect a Starbucks to be; I was in line behind four or five other customers and the line quickly grew behind me as well. I am ambivalent towards Starbucks. I work at one. They treat there employees fairly well, they offer benefits to even part time employees, they seek management and corporate administration from within the company. They pay above minimum wage. They're not a bad model for a global corporation either. They go out of there way to engage in fair trade practices, encourage sustainable farming, and sponsor development in the countries from which they get their coffees. They encourage and make it possible for their employees to be involved in their communities and they make a lot of in kind and monetary donations to various charities. So, you know, they're not that bad. In fact, they show that it is possible to treat people well and be profitable. But on the other hand, they are homogenizing. Smaller entities cannot compete with Starbucks. (Daria- Cake) Businesses always fail, there may not be anything wrong with that per se, but sometimes the specific character of a place is lost when the smaller distinct independent businesses shut their doors. We become a people of identical strip malls with the same stores mile after mile, town after town. There are no distinctions. And then there is the clientele, a clientele that includes me. A clientele that today made me want to vomit.
I found myself in the middle of a conversation between strangers. It began with a question: "Is that Bebe?" Two groups of women, one ahead of me and one behind, discovered they had similar tastes in clothes and a similar desire to let those around them know much much they cost and how much more they were willing to spend to be "sooo cute." At first I thought they were funny. I thought I might remember some of their "choice" expressions and post them. If I did you would probably think they were teenagers. They weren't. (I Wished On The Moon- Billie Holiday) These were moms and the more they went on and on, the less I wanted to remember or even witness what they said. They were caricatures: vacuous, shallow, hulls wearing sunglasses that cost more than the per capita income in Gaza, talking about their next shopping spree, talking about their hair, their skin, their money. They were draped in pretenses of wealth and vanity and there was nothing more for them to talk about than how wonderful it is to be wealthy and vain. There we were. I felt complicit. I was angry. I felt sick. I looked around and felt surrounded by a disease. I actually gagged. I left- I need a new job.