Is This Legal

From: [skybalon]
Subject: Re: I did not
Date: February 23, 2007 2:03:54 PM PST
To: c_adams555@yahoo.it

Dear Cynthia,

I apologize if I have been unclear. I hope this does not harm our working relationship.

As I said in my last email, I am happy to help you with your money transfer. I hope that is plain. As for the musical, I will explain again.

In the 1960s, my father and his partners created a musical play called Hair. It has had a long and successful run all around the world. However it has only been produced for the people of Africa once. That was in South Africa.

Before my father died, he asked if I could fulfill his dream of producing the play in Africa again. I want to complete his dream, but up to now I have not known anyone in Africa that could help. This is why I think it is an answer to prayer that I received your email.

He left me a large sum of money to finish this project. I need to know if you can help me to produce this musical play in Africa for my father's dream. If you agree, we have $35,000,000 to work with. I will tell you the next steps necessary to begin financing the project.

I hope this is clear and you are available for the project.

Sincerely-
[skybalon]

What's Not to Understand?

From: c_adams555@yahoo.it
Subject: i did not
Date: February 22, 2007 11:58:45 PM PST
To: [skybalon]

Mr,
 
I did not understand you.
 
Cynthia

Return

From: [skybalon]
Subject: Re: Dear, Respectful One,WE NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.
Date: February 22, 2007 7:28:34 PM PST
To: c_adams555@yahoo.it
Dear Inquiring One,

It is so very good to hear from you. I am glad you recognize how respectful I am and that my name is very esteeming.

I am only too happy to help you in your simple and sincere business. I previously had a business relationship with Dr. Samailla Nuhu of Burkina Faso, (do you know him?) but that never came to fruition. After praying for such a financial opportunity, it was devastating to my faith for it to all fall apart at the end. But now you have come along as a redeemer in my moment of distress. And it seems that I am the same for you. How wonderfully providential.

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father, but as they say, "God doesn't close a door, or maybe in this case a coffin lid, without opening a window." I'm sure the death of your beloved father is as sad as Dr. Nuhu never returning my emails. But here we are. God has brought us together for this wonderful financial blessing.

I should add now that you also may benefit from this divine encounter. Not only am I a wealthy American, but my father on his deathbed left me with a special charge as well.

While he was dying, he called me over to his bed and told me two things:
He wanted me to fulfill his dream of breeding the world's longest horse, and to produce his musical play, Hair, with an all African cast in Africa.

I attribute his first request to the many pain killers he was taking as cancer ravaged his body, but I know the second was dear to his heart.

He left me a vast fortune so that I could produce his musical. I would be happy to help you but I don't need the money. I received an incredible inheritance of my own and have over $35,000,000 to produce my father's musical.

I hope we can make a deal. I will help you with your foreign investment and I can pay you to help me produce the musical play Hair.

I look forward to working with you-
[skybalon]

To: [skybalon]
From: cynthia adams
Subject: Dear, Respectful One, WE NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE
Date: February 21, 2007 5:54:08 PM PST
Reply-To: XXXXXX

Dear, Respectful One,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you.

I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to it's esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trust worthy person I can do business with and by their recommenddations I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business.

I am Cynthia adams,the only Daughter of late Mr and Mrs Dickson Adams My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan,the economic capital of Ivory Coast before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discus on a business deal. When my mother died on the 21st October 1984, my father took me and my younger brother Vitalis special because we are motherless.Before the death of my father on 30th June 2002 in a private hospital here in Abidjan.

He secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of $18.000.000 (EIGHTEEN MILLION, DOLLARS) left in a suspense account in a local Bank here in Abidjan, that he used my name as his first Daughter for the next of kin in deposit of the fund.

He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth and some huge amount of money his business associates supposed to balance his from the deal they had that he was poisoned by his business associates, that I should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, (such as real estate management).

We are honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.
1) To provide a Bank account where this money would be transferred to.
2) To serve as the guardian of this since I am a girl of 26 years.

We are willing to offer you 20% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designate account overseas.

PLEASE CONTACT US THROUGH MY PRIVATE YAHOO MAIL BOX (XXXXXXX)

Anticipating to hear from you soon.
Thanks and God Bless.
Best regards.
CYNTHIA ADAMS AND BROTHER.

I Hate... So Much About The Things That You Choose To Be

I've mentioned before that Way of the Master is, sadly, not Ninja training. And guess what- Ultimate Battle Update has nothing to do with Ultimate Fighting.

It is instead an Inter-active Christian Reality Show Blog. Never mind that it's not really any of those things or that those words make about as much sense as yellow ping gravy manny, those words sound awesome together.

It is also "Infotrainment." From what I can gather, infotrainment is a mix of an albino Jesus (who doesn't seem to know what an "interview" is), misspellings, animated demon Ben Stiller, and Dominionist propaganda.



(sigh)

Do I ever get tired of complaining?

Probably not today.

Maybe it's because I'm able to temper things with stuff like this.

Panaphonic, Magnetbox, and Sorny

Mexican Grandma Who Was Really French used to give the best worst gifts. A globe. An LED key chain. A coin purse. An eye glass repair kit. A bike lock. Underoos well past the age Underoos were desirable but before the age I would have wanted them ironically. A handheld "drum machine" that clipped to my belt called the "Rap Mate." Drugstore colognes in train and car shaped novelty bottles. A baby blue satin driving jacket.

Those things were awful, but they were possibly wonderful in their oddity. These things were so unique, unexpected, and outside the boundaries of our gifting standards, they were probably the closest things to a gift we could actually know.* In their strangeness they were lovely and exciting.

But just as one takes the miserable lows along with the exhilarating highs of bi-polar disorder, (That's right, I'm comparing wacky gift giving to the emotional chaos and frequent physical danger of mental illness. I'm also going to compare it to the crap Christians create and embrace. How about that?) her gifts could be a disheartening demonstration of loneliness and alienation- a hint at the vacuous reality of relationships and the chasm between generations. They betrayed our distance from each other and threatened all other relations as illusory and tenuous. Many of her gifts to me, and likely mine to her, were intended as gestures of love that instead revealed how little we knew each other.

Or sometimes they just showed how incredibly unhip Mexican Grandma is.

I don't know.

But in addition to the wacky, was the lame. When I was Kid Skybalon, she seemed aware of my life, or at least popular kid's culture, enough to know that I played with changing robot toy cars, but not enough to know that they were Transformers. Oh sure, Transformers represented the corporate takeover and hyper-branding of kids, wherein childhood became one long commercial. But gimme a break- I was a kid. I wanted Transformers. If I was lucky I got GoBots. If I was me, I got "Robotcar With Fast Styling!"

If Transformers were bad, the knock offs were worse. They were parasitic; the cheaply and quickly produced Radio Shack and swap meet copies made you think the artless consumer culture they emulated was worth something.


Oh enough of the set up- this is about Christianity... or one aspect of American Christian culture. We are the Creed of our musical gruel. Walker Texas Ranger. Left Behind. Christian as an adjective is so frequently synonymous with lame.

Why are we so often the 99 cent store of our strip mall culture? A strip mall culture is something to want? We seem to have a vague sense of what is popular- whether it should be or not- and go nuts making lame knock offs and awkward references.

We broadly embrace- not just live in- but value and support a materialistic consumer culture of marketed identity and lifestyle.

Good grief. It's bad enough that there's so much garbage- that so much human effort goes toward creating waste intentionally rather than incidentally, but to create even more- and of a worse quality?! Why do we pour so much of our talent, energy, and resources into some insatiable belly. There is what is worthless, and there are our Christian copies. Maybe both show we don't know what really has value. Why is that?

Any Garbage Here?
Another Demo Tape- Quasimoto
Flauta y Timbal- Tito Puente
Mike Mills- Air
My Beloved Monster- Eels
Working In The Coal Mine- Devo
Caroline No- The Beach Boys
wooden Ships- CSNY
Bridge Over Troubled Water- Simon and Garfunkel
Because- The Beatles
Go to The Mirror Boy- The Who
Clampdown- The Clash

*You can learn more about the aporia of a gift at your local library. Ask your librarian for Given Time by Jacques Derrida.

Children Are The Future, Unless We Stop Them Now!

The United States and Britain ranked as the worst places to be a child, according to a UNICEF study of more than 20 developed nations released Wednesday. The Netherlands was the best, it says, followed by Sweden and Denmark.

LA Times

So kids here are worse off than in the Netherlands, Sweden, and Denmark. Sure, but don't they say you have to wait in line and fill out a bunch of forms to see a doctor there? It's not true, but isn't that what they say? And don't they all live together without geting married? And don't they have boxy cars and cheap furniture? And pickled herring?

So what would you rather have, a greater chance to grow up healthy, literate, well prepared for the future with a sense of social responsibility, but the future is in the Netherlands or take your chances here?

US to Attack US

MY PRESIDENT says that he will do what he has to do to protect our soldiers from Iranians who are killing American soldiers. That might include bombing Iran, kidnapping Iranians, killing Iranians or anything else that Iran might take as an act of war. He says this because Iranian components have been found in a handful of explosive devises being used in Iraq against coalition forces.

This may be the case- it's hard to know when the boy has really seen a wolf. And if he really has seen a wolf- it's hard to know where the wolf came from or what the wolf is doing. After all, the boy has a record of being mistaken or mendacious and as far as the facts go, Iran is largely Shi'ah but in Iraq, Americans are being killed by Sunnis. I know, I know, it's hard to tell who's who- they're all brown.

Think of the Shi'ah as the brown people that clean your house or cook your food and the Sunnis as the brown people you encounter in public. You probably don't like any of them, but at least you know how to handle the brown people that do your dirty work. Those brown people on the street might know their place or they might not. They might rob you, they might not. You don't know. You can't trust them. You'd better call the cops to get rid of them.

So the brown people who do our cooking in Iraq are some of the ones we found to have these components. Eh, maybe you're just as scared about that. That's probably part of the plan. Our war experts and apologists told us that there is no difference or conflict between Sunnis and Shia- they're all brown. The Arab world is largely controlled by Sunni Muslims, and most Muslims are Sunni, it's probably a factor to consider but I don't think we're supposed to care about or consider that. Just be afraid.

Anyway, what's all this for? Well it's probably an excuse for an attack on Iran. I mean if it's Iranian bombs that are killing American soldiers, doesn't it make sense to punish Iran? Sure. But what do we do about the American weapons that are being used to kill Americans?

Someone could say that we already are punished by war profiteers and the rule of corporate plutocrats. Maybe we have exactly what we deserve by letting it stand for so long. I doubt you are one of the top .5%, so you probably are being punished. But you probably don't feel it as much as these guys. We probably deserve a little bit more than horrible debt, a wholly undemocratic economic system, declining wages, a regressive tax structure, and the illusion of representative government. I wonder what it will be.

(Ooh look how that sentence is tense- do I mean we deserve more because human dignity requires more than what we have- or do I mean we deserve more because we most certainly should be punished? Now why would I go and lift the veil like that? Why coudn't I just let it be? Like I worry about self-seriousness so much- like it's a shame to care about anything.)

Hey, Rocky, Watch Me Pull a Massacre Out of My Hat
Rock Is Dead- Marilyn Manson
Clumsy Grandma...- Ya Lo Tengo
Breed- Nirvana
Here Today- The Beach Boys
Hand In Glove- The Smiths
You Are The Sunshine of My Life- Stevie Wonder
Potshot Heard Round the World- Dead Kennedys
Join Together- The Who

Crap, I Think I'm Overtly Sexual

“She got what she wanted,” said Stokke. “She’s an overtly sexual person.”

A jury of one woman and 11 men—many white and in their 50s or 60s—agreed with Stokke. On Feb. 2, after a half-day of deliberations, they found Park not guilty of three felony charges that he’d used his badge to win sexual favors during the December 2004 traffic stop
OC Weekly

It turns out, if you're overtly sexual, it's okay for a cop to ejaculate on you when he pulls you over. I'm not exactly sure what "overtly sexual" means. I guess you're overtly sexual if someone can tell your sex by looking at you. Too bad if that describes you.

It Could Always Be Worse

You know, if they're going to win (causing us to constantly live in terror seems to be a goal of terrorism) we could do worse than this.

I mean, sure we're paranoid, over-reacting, willing to surrender liberties, hyper-militaristic, increasingly xenophobic and racist, but when this hell of our own making is a foundry for this, it's not so bad.

Story

Everyone You Know Someday Will Die

Since March 19th, 2003, when the US invaded Iraq, there have been 3118 coalition deaths. That's less than the number of liberated dead Iraqi civilians but more than the number of Americans killed by Iraqis on 9/11 or Americans killed by Iraqi WMDs combined.

About 1400 days with 3118 deaths comes to just a tad more than 2 deaths a day (remember, we're not counting the liberated dead, nor the non-fatal casualties). That doesn't seem so bad does it?

I think we can live with that. Better, we can afford that. I mean we're 300,000,000. What's two a day, especially when you consider birth and immigration rates? You don't even miss those people. In fact, if my calculations are correct, for every American death in Iraq, almost 3600 people come into the US- either over a border or through a birth canal.

I guess two a day might seem like a lot if you know those two. I suppose one a day is a lot if you know that one. Maybe if Therrel Childers had been the first and only death in Iraq that would be a lot if you knew him. But you probably don't. And you probably don't know Jay Aubin, or Ryan Beaupre, or Jose Gutierrez. It's not like two people a day are disappearing from your workplace, or school, or congregation. We need to remember this, especially when we hold it in the light of what we've given the Iraqis. Wouldn't we appreciate if someone did the exact same thing for us? And considering how little it costs, even if things don't go exactly right, isn't it still a bargain?

It's important that we get our heads on right because it looks like we'll be giving Iran the same gifts soon. We really need to consider the costs before we do. And it turns out, the costs aren't so great. Unless of course you count the liberated dead... and maybe count the injured... and then other things that are hard to quantify like the damage to our souls. But why would we do that?

Longview
Tear It In Two- The Briefs
Levitate Me- The PIxies
Uptight (Everything's Alright)- Stevie Wonder
Mambo King- Tito Puente
The End Has No End- The Strokes
Everything Is Broken- Bob Dylan
She Watch Channel Zero- Public Enemy
Macho Insecurity- Dead Kennedys

Unironically USA, USA, USA!!

Last night was a tough night for getting things done. There was the US versus Mexico, Duke versus NC, Mythbusters, and a couple of cute puppies all competing for my attention. School work was not in the competition. That is, there was really no contest, only the triumph of will over desire that got things done.

The US beat Mexico again. Though Mexico easily won on swagger and style points, those don't count for a win. If they did, somehow whining and grimacing would have to be factored in too. So with that I still think we would have won. (I'm brown- I hope you'll let me say "we" for the US team).

That's nice to see after their performance in that we do not name, as was the generally confident play of Americans, especially those called from the EPL for this match. But more than anyone else, I was impressed by Eric Wynalda's performance.

I was originally watching this match en español for TV watching reasons too complex to explain, or at least more complex than TV watching should warrant, but I switched over to the Deuce and there was Wynalda sitting in the same room as Arena.


If you watched any of the English language coverage of that we do not name, you would have seen that by the end of the first round, Wynalda was pissed off at the Americans and had little good to say about Arena. In addition to many lackluster performances, it's easy to fault Arena's choices about camp, formation, and starters. It's easy to fault them, because many of them were stupid.

Anyway last night he was quite a trooper and never once punched Bruce in the face. I read this wasn't the first time they appeared together so maybe it's not that impressive, but with so little in the world to give us hope in the possibility of goodness, I'll hang on to this.

That's all.

Sorry to make you wait so long for something so unsubstantial.

Where My Bitches At?

Right Here

The Qweenbeen isn't a big fan of that expression. She needs to take that up with historical convention and the editors of the OED because until I hear otherwise, it's perfectly appropriate for me to call my puppies with that phrase.

So there are puppies. There are my puppies, Chelsea and Lily, but there are also siblings to these puppies. I don't know them. Even though the Qweenbeen and I played with all these puppies to get a sense of their personalities and chose the two we thought most suitable for us, we could have very easily chosen two other puppies. If we had chosen two other puppies, we would be as attached to those puppies as we are to these puppies. It's strange to think of these puppies as interchangeable now, but at one time they were.

They are attached to us now as well, though if I say they feel for me what I feel for them, I'm really just projecting a whole lot of impossible onto these puppies. But here I am; I'm buying their food, waking up in the middle of the night when they cry, cleaning up their crap, paying for vet visits, posting their pictures on my interblog, creating MySpace pages for them and all sorts of other things that I could just as easily have been doing for other puppies.

It seems normal to do most of this for these puppies, maybe some of it is crazy. But it would be really crazy to do this for other puppies, though at another time it could just as easily have been other puppies. That is, it makes some sense to do this for these puppies, but if I were to now go out of my way to do this for their litter mates, that would be weird. If I were to just up and start doing this for my neighbor's puppies that would probably be un-neighborly of me.

I'm the kind of dummy that will run down the road to try to rescue a stray dog and if I catch it, find its home, or failing that, a new home for it. But I don't always do that. Sometimes I just say, "ohh" and keep driving. But I would spend all kinds of time going to find my puppies if they were missing. Your puppy? Maybe not.

Does that mean I don't value all puppy life equally? It seems to. I'll come right and say it. I don't value all puppy life equally. I don't think you need to worry; I would probably never do anything to harm your puppy, if you have one. But it's also very likely I am not doing anything to promote the life of your puppy. I seem to only value puppies that somehow come before me, that is if value is expressed by the effort I put into caring for them.

That's puppies. But it goes further.

The Qweenbeen has had a couple of miscarriages (maybe that's why I invest so much in dogs now). I have felt very nostalgic for things that never were. The first time we knew she was pregnant I felt attached to this strange thing that could someday be a baby. I felt anticipation, excitement, love, fear, protective, hopeful, nervous, unprepared, and on. I imagined an entire life, or at least the entirety of life I could imagine. Things felt as I figure they were supposed to feel.

But then all that was gone.

She's had another miscarriage. We didn't know she was pregnant until she wasn't and that was a very different experience. The sense of loss wasn't as dramatic. I didn't approach the date when a baby could have been born with any sadness- I didn't even think to know when that day could be. And since then, we suspect there have been others.

So I'm clear- I think something begins at conception. I don't think it says anything helpful or clear to say that what begins at conception is life. That is not to say I don't think it's a life- only that saying it is or isn't does not mean much. How much I felt or didn't feel for a zygote did not depend on my seeing it as a life but instead on how much I attached to it.

Now I could be wrong in that. Maybe I'm bad because I didn't value both pregnancies and miscarriages the same. Maybe I'm bad because we continue to have sex knowing that life might be created but likely not sustained. You may have very good reasons for thinking so, just as you might think it is enough to say life begins at conception and that saying so satisfies something.

I don't.

Maybe I think it's actually worse to say life begins at conception and leave it at that- or from that assume that the life that exists at conception is anything like the life that exists at three months before or after birth, or 5 years after birth, or 20 years after birth, or anything like the life that exists with my wife, or the life that exists with some unnamed person on the planet right now at the point furthest from me.

Or maybe I don't think it's worse to say that- maybe I just think it's worse if, between taking a petri dish with an embryo and my wife who had succumbed to smoke inhallation, you took the petri dish from a burning building.

Maybe the point is we can say anything we want about valuing life, but the choices we make, even in the choices we don't think to make, say more about what we actually believe. And it seems that we believe life isn't worth all that much. Or at the very least, what I can say about me is: I seem to value the lives of puppies on my porch more than the lives of people that must certainly exist but have made the unfortunate choice to do so far beyond the horizon of my empathy.

Just A Reminder

When people talk about the estate tax being unjust (and for this call it the Death Penalty), they are broadly saying it's not right that, in addition to the loss of a loved one, the wealthy bereft should have the inheritance they are due be treated as income and subject to the same type of taxation you or I would pay for winning a huge lottery payout or even the money we earn at regular jobs.

Often too, the image of a quaint family farm being lost to the IRS after a parent's death is invoked to show how sad and oppressive this tax truly is (though this is not the nature or effect of the estate tax).

That the estate tax can be called unfair at all, or that it is known as the Death Penalty by average Americans should be seen as an absolute PR success and give you a good sense of who's actually turning the screws behind a term like "Death Penalty" and the push to have it repealed.

Counter to this, it would be helpful to remember this is really who would be paying taxes on inherited income.

I'll Be Here All Week

If you sell a car knowing there are things wrong with it but neglect to mention those things or, worse, lie and say those things are, in fact, just fine, you've committed fraud. That's illegal, but even if it weren't, it reveals a lot about what kind of person you are.

Why is it, if you fraudulently sell a car, you're a jerk that can't get invited to dinner, but if you're a president who fraudulently sold a war we pray and thank God for you any way we can?

Maybe a better question is: why do Christians chase after assholes so much?

Dial Tone

So I'm gone forever and when I show up it's just to lazily reference something that is itself a reference to something snarky. I feel like the 14th season Simpsons.



Opie's argument sounds very much like the legal gymnastics Alberto Gonzales [sic] uses.

Originally via BOING

It Could Always Be Worse

Did this really happen?

If it did, is it as bad as it might be?

Well if it is, chase it down with this:

What Could Be Better?

Beckham said: "This week Real asked me to make a decision regarding their offer to extend my contract.

"After considering several options to stay in Madrid or join other major British and European teams, I have decided to join LA Galaxy."

BBC News

This is sure to seem like good news to American fans of soccer and hot guys. Yet...

I'm not one who is afraid to note when a hot guy is really hot, so considering the high bar for hotness in the football world, I don't think Beckham is all that hot. Qweenbeen is a Rio Ferdinand fan. I hate to say I don't see it, since it might reflect poorly on how hot I might be. I prefer a softer, boyish, Cristiano Ronaldo look myself.

Nonetheless, Beckham's a'comin. He may be just slow and increasingly inconsistent enough for MLS but I guess his real appeal lies in his hotness.

I don't think David Beckham is bad, only that he was better. And his value for the sport in America probably has more to do with sexy than soccer.

Still, it could be great news for MLS- if other Americans think he's hotter than I do, and his hotness can overcome how much Americans hate soccer because we didn't invent it. Maybe Beckham and his wife together are hot enough to overcome our general contempt for the world's game. Maybe the kind of attention we usually give heiresses and celebrity baby-doings is the kind of attention MLS needs. Good for MLS... maybe.

And maybe good for the Beckhams. He'll get to watch his Los Angeles academy more closely and with Posh here, maybe she'll become quite the actress. Maybe Patrick Stewart can get his screenplay made.

Hooray For Everything
River Euphrates- Pixies
Respect- Otis Redding
After The Garden- Neil Young
I'm Amazed- Pixies
Nuguns- System of a Down
Spunky- Eels

Words Mean This, Words Mean That

I'm guessing there will be a lot of this tonight:
the stakes
sustain itself
defend itself
freedom, liberty, democracy
brave men and women
sacrifice
global war on terror
forward
September 11th

How MY PRESIDENT has any credibility with anyone right now stretches the meanings of faith and loyalty to the point of offense.

More juvenile skybalon would suggest a drinking game using the above words in MY PRESIDENT's speech tonight. But this is serious and that hardly seems appropriate. In fact to show you how serious this is- when any of those words are used, one of these puppies will be yelled at.

2006 Worsts, Mosts, and Bests

Like every other lazy pretentious slob that imagines their opinions are more than projected insecurities and the barely veiled envy of other's talents, ambition, and willingness to even try, I offer my assessment of 2006's Bests, Worsts, and Mosts.

Most Depressing Day Because My Dog Died and I was Supposed to be Enjoying a Romantic Weekend in Napa With QweenBeen:
October 6th.

Most Frustratingly Horrible Production That Made Me Question the Possibility of Human Solidarity
Citrus College's Christmas Is.... That people were actually laughing at this and enjoying themselves explains why Entertainment Weekly exists and why every TV show I love seems to be cancelled and replaced with a game show that requires no more sense than a Magic 8 Ball has.

Worst Parents That Makes Me Wonder What The Hell is Wrong With Me That God Won't Let Me Have Kids of 2006
Britney Spears and K-Fed.

Runners Up for Worst Parents That Make Me Wonder What The Hell Is Wrong With Me That God Won't Let Me Have Kids
The people that actually took their children to so see Christmas Is... implying this is something anyone should appreciate.

Even Though It Was Released in 2005, The Best Album of 2006 Because That's When I Heard It
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Self-Titled Album. In fact I can't think of an album released in 2006 that's better than this so even if I had heard it when it first came out it would still rock too well to lose it's position. Man this band rules so I'm giving it Best Album of Eternity after Doolittle by the Pixies.

Best Show I'm Watching Clips of On YouTube Because I Have Only Basic Cable of 2006
Extras

Most Mood Affecting Song of 2006
Life On Mars? by David Bowie.

Best Experience For Understanding How Someone Would Not Want to Leave an Absolutely Hopeless Situation One Should Not Have Volunteered to Enter Into In The First Place Therefore Understanding Why MY PRESIDENT Can Not Ever Bring Himself to Leave Iraq
Spending 48+ hours waiting in a Culver City sound stage waiting to tape for 1 vs. 100 and signing up to come back.

Worst Teacher I Remembered in 2006
My Fourth Grade Teacher- Good grief, why would someone who hates kids so much be a teacher?

Most Hilarious Movie of 2006
That Borat Movie.

Most Anticipated Catchphrase Sure to Become Annoying That Failed to Materialize of 2006
"Very Nice" a la Borat.

Most Encouraging Moment That People Were Perhaps Collectively Better Than I Thought of 2006
I didn't hear everyone saying, "Very Nice" a la Borat.

Most Eye-Opening Moment to How Removed I Am From Fratty Boy Culture Memes of 2006
Realizing people were actually saying "Very Nice" a la Borat.

Best iTunes Party Shuffle Two Song Sequence of 2006
A Commercial- Dead Kennedys --> There Is A Light That Never Goes Out- The Smiths

Best Literary Exchange That Tells It Like It Is: Alcoholism Is Funny
"Did you know her?"
"Yes. How about a drop of something to cut the phlegm?"
"What was she like?"
"Not bad," I said. "She wasn't bad-looking and she had a lot of sense, and a lot of nerve - and it took both to live with that guy."
"She lived with him?"
"Yes. I want a drink, please. That is, it was like that when I knew them."
"Why don't you have some breakfast first? Was she in love with him or was it just business?"
"I don't know. It's too early for breakfast."
I'm about 70 years late on this one but I can't think of anything that encourages me more to have a Martini with a breakfast burrito.

Most Tempting Alternative Career I Contemplated When School Work Started to Overwhelm Me of 2006
Street Musician

Most Popular Self Prescribed Medications in The Skybalon Household of 2006
TV, Leftovers, Rum and Cokes, Puppies, and Blogging

And other stuff...

...re We Came In?

So 2006 began with this. I'm narcissistic enough to want to go back through my posts and see how this was an anchor for the year's posts and then see what should be my first post for 2007. I'm narcissistic, but also lazy so don't want to do the work of reading 2006's posts and see if there really is some sort of tone to 2007's oeuvre. To be honest, I would say there isn't... ever. But for the sake of this post we'll say there is and that the tone suggested by 2006's first post made 2006 a mopey, picturesque, navel-gazey, baby rankling at authority year.

That means the tone for 07, set by this year's first post, will be self-referential, lazy, artificial, circular, and topically comical.

"Oh sure, I see the conceit," you say, "but where's the topically comical?"
Well dig this...

John Mc Cain indicates that he and the AEI are actually compensating for something with their Iraq policy recommendations.

So expect a year of penis jokes.

2007 Does Not Yet Rock
Fashion Nugget- Cake

Peter Boyle Was a Funny Guy

It's weird how death can sanitize life. Nixon and Reagan are dead. Remember? Do you remember too, that after their deaths no one remembered anything about Watergate, Cambodia, Viet Nam, Iran-Contra, Savings & Loan Collapses, El Salvador, attacking Labor, yadda, yadda, yadda?

Or, if they did remember, they weren't allowed to say anything about it without being a jerk.

Why is it so difficult to remember people without mythologizing them?

Why can't we remember this:

Without forgetting this:
I'm a jerk.

Less Frequently Feingold

I'm over my recent breakup with Russ Feingold. I'm not only over it, I actually agree with him that he can best serve us right now in the Senate. To wit:
"Unfortunately, while the Iraq Study Group's report recognizes that the Administration's policy is not working, it doesn't correct the myopic focus on Iraq that has so dangerously weakened our national security. In the end, this report is a regrettable example of 'official Washington' missing the point. The growing threats we face in places like Afghanistan and Somalia are every bit as important to our national security as Iraq. Until Congress and the Administration recognize that, we will only perpetuate the deeply misguided policies that got us into Iraq in the first place."

You can find this gem, and generally keep track of Russ-doings here. I recommend checking it out frequently.

Unless you'd rather not. Which would just be crazy.

I guess you could always stop by here every now and then for the return of the Frequently Feingold
Geez- how can you not love this guy?

I think Russ will be, as the Simpsons once were and systematic Reformed Theology still is, a useful aposematic device.

Ugh- I'm Such a Baby

So I've been grading papers, answering emails from studying students, contemplating papers, and altogether preoccupied with my redacted post. I am preoccupied with the fact that I felt compelled to exclude the context of my rant.

I think my mind keeps going back to it because eliminating the context seems contrary to why I wrote that last post. That probably doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense because the last post is missing so much.

I feel like a.) part of the point of my previous post is that actions have content in their context and the context of that post is hidden so the action of its writing is inexplicable. It seems, in a very layered way, that I am excluding the key to its meaning. And b.) our Ministry and Counsel chair really provided a good and faithful opportunity for us to deal with some of our Yearly Meeting nonsense and I excluded all that because it doesn't seem like it should be shared. But then my point about sin being overcome as we move forward faithfully together seems impossible if I can't address how and why that happens in real life.

Oh well, somebody's nicknmame is going to be Fritos Isn't Free- I don't know who it will be yet but I do know that makes everything awesome.

I Do Well to be Angry, Angry Enough To Die [harumph]
Wave of Mutilation- Pixies
Spiders- Wilco
Higher Ground- Stevie Wonder
Sitting on Top of The World- Howlin' Wolf
Global Probing- Descendents
Rock is Dead- Marilyn Manson

If That's Moving Up, Then I'm Moving Out

[redacted]

An evangelistic trope to get people to recognize that they are sinners is to ask if they have ever stolen anything, or lied, or looked at someone lustfully and then follow the inevitable "Yes" with:

-Well what do you call someone who lies...?
-You've lied, you're a liar. Liars go to hell.
-You don't want to go to hell do you?
-Oh, okay... Well then let me explain how bad hell is. It's hot and desolate and you're tormented night and day by the cries of the damned and the devil's minions get to torture you.
-Well, I suppose it does sound a bit like San Bernardino...

In fact it goes a little something like this.

I don't know why, for those who bear witness to a Christ via this script, this type of essentializing isn't universal. That is, if I've lied ergo I'm a liar is true, then why is it not just as true to essentialize the good things about me? I've told the truth, I've sacrificially helped people, I've saved others from all manner of crud, I've given generous gifts, I've acted morally. Hell, I guess I'm pretty great. You know, even in thinking about the Ten Commandments right now... I'm golden.

I don't buy it. I guess it's supposed to help people reflect upon who they really are, but it's a bit superficial isn't it? Maybe that's as deep as you can get with people you don't know- people you've approached on the street or who happen across your web site but will never actually meet. It's hard for me to find that worth much.

I know for many people it's revolutionary and it feels like it's at the heart of what they think they should be doing as Christians. I don't know what to do with that. On one hand I think it's important to help people grow into their particular roles in a community. Maybe this has some place in that and I need to accept that. On another hand I think it's false.

The Christ it presents seems just as shallow as the reflection it supposedly forces. It doesn't confront what's really wrong with us, part of which is that tendency to think abstractly about ourselves. It's a part of that inability to think how we really exist. I mean, even though you can get someone to admit they have lied at some point in their life, and may be able to get them to think of themselves as a liar, and then might even get them to say they don't want to be a liar and will become a Christian so they are now a liar but identified through Christ- that's still a pretty abstract way of thinking about one's self. It doesn't require much self-examination or reflection about their actual life or what a life pursuing right relations and actions might look like in light of our interconnected existences.

I mean, right now, at this very moment, I really am golden. At any given, objective and frozen moment in time I am very easily perfect. If that is my goal, all I have to do is further remove myself from any interconnections that might spoil that. I can do this by fleeing humanity-living in a cave or choosing some Stylitic existence or by reifying the idea of sin so that it is some stilted and permanent concept that has no meaning to my actual existence except as some facile artificial identity which leads a just as artificial remedy. But it's easy.

Unfortunately I have not been able to live like that. I have to live with other people, not in sin, but in overcoming sin. Only we can't overcome sin if we see it as something static and objectively overcome- then we really are living (as it were) in sin.

[redacted]

ed- I've removed a large portion of backstory and set up before posting. I thought it offered a very helpful context, but I guess some people, crybabies mostly, might think it improper to give light to our Yearly Meeting, I mean, our EFCSW's problems, even obliquely, in this forum. That's kind of ironic isn't it? I think it makes less sense without that context, but as of posting it seems best to do this.

Have You ever Sung? Then You're a Singer
Mic Check- Rage Against the Machine
Blister in the Sun- Violent Femmes
Santo- Pixies
Body and Soul- Stan Getz
Life on a Chain- Pete Yorn
Positively 4th Street- Bob Dylan
Infinitely Late at Night- The Magnetic Fields
Rudie Can't Fail- The Clash
Holidays in the Sun- Sex Pistols
Holiday in Cambodia- Dead Kennedys
(That's a weird coincidence isn't it- I wonder if iTunes knows it's Christmas time... or it knows I'm so punk rock grading papers in my knit sweater)
Inner Vision- System of a Down
F**k the System- System of a Down
Many Rivers to Cross- Jimmy Cliff
Coney Island Baby- Lou Reed
Cut Your Hair- Pavement

Marching As to War

I am a busy and lazy man. So my desire to start email forwards has been thwarted. But what should I find in my inbox this morning? Not a forward per se, but an email from Sojo.net with all the potential to be a great Christian forward: it's got Christian persecution, commitment to faith, a support the troops moment, plenty of opportunities to use the word "radical," and a perfect "go make disciples" denouement.

Here's the source material.

I couldn't send it in its entirety. I figure it's too long for a classic forward. But true to the genre, it shouldn't be a problem to condense and adapt it without citing the origin. I know it doesn't really fit with my original intent for forwarding. I wanted to see how outlandish my story could be and who would hop on the forwarding bus. This might have to do though- since I am so lazy.

It'll go something like this:

This is a TRUE STORY

Sergeant Logan Laituri came to Jesus at a dramatic time in his life. He was back from 14 months in Iraq as a front-liner in the U.S. Army, and scheduled to return. It was spring, 2005.

His new girlfriend's family welcomed him with a Christian love so genuine he couldn't resist. He ended up in a New Testament history class at a local college, and was also faced with the incisive questions from his philosophical brother and roommate. Soon he found himself immersed in scripture, filled with the spirit and brimming with passion.

His conversion brought change. He started heeding his college instructor's directive to let the Bible shape his opinions, rather than his opinions shaping it.

"I realized I had to figure out what it meant to me to be a soldier," he says. "How do I act in my particular job and still follow the great commandment to love your neighbor as yourself? Ya know, how can I do that when I'm asked to basically lay waste to kinda large scale areas?" When it says love your enemies, he says he "can't kill someone in love."

Sgt. Laituri soon faced opposition and persecution for his faith. As his infantry company started gearing up for a return to Iraq, Lairturi was busy asking people about faith, war, and the decisions he faced. People told him it was morally wrong to do nothing about the nation's enemies. One commander, who is also a Baptist preacher, assured Laituri that since he was a Christian, Jesus had died for all his sins, and therefore he was already forgiven for whatever he would do on the battlefield.

The people who had welcomed him to the faith did not welcome his questioning of military morality. His then-girlfriend's father told Laituri he was part of God's hand in bringing judgement to Muslim extremists. The views he heard didn't fit with the convictions he felt, and his company was set to leave for a training session in California before heading back to Iraq.

Logan Laituri sat in the bus, he and his colleagues headed to Honolulu airport for their flight to California. It was April 20, 9:40 in the morning. Headphones on, local Christian band Olivia playing a song called "Heaven," and his thoughts on what in the world to do about his beliefs. Then, for a moment, heaven itself seemed to open.

"I felt like somebody was showing me something... I saw myself in the Middle East, I'm pretty sure it was Iraq," he says, describing the emotionally vivid experience. "What struck me were two things: number one, that I did not have a weapon." The second thing was a feeling of "confidence;" the confidence that he was "doing what was right."

It was his calling. He would go to Iraq, but without a weapon. At first he thought he might be able to do that as a non-combative member of his company. So after prayer and consideration, he applied for Conscientious Objector (CO) status, as per the Army regulation allowing a soldier to request discharge for reasons of conscience, as long as military officials deem the applicant "sincere" at the end of the stipulated process. He was ready to go to prison if need be, which, in today's for-us-or-against-us climate is a real possibility for CO applicants. Major Jones says the majority of CO applications are denied.

At that point Laituri was not actually trying to leave the Army, because he saw the human anguish within military ranks, and didn't think it was Christ-like to just abandon people in need. He just wanted to have the right to refuse to bear arms.

But the military is not going to send someone to war without a weapon, and, as it turns out, it may not treat you very well if you make such a request. With re-deployment looming, Laituri's superiors dragged their feet on the CO process, missing stipulated procedural deadlines without explanation.

Laituri talks of theological discussions with commanders, hostile rumors, and bureaucratic tangles. One superior berated him, saying his actions benefitted the enemies of America – an insult Laituri took as affirmation, given Jesus' invitation to love the enemy.

Laituri's military term expired. But, last Sunday he left for Israel/Palestine, not in the military, but as a Christian soldier, on a delegation with Christian Peacemaker Teams, the violence-reduction organization now famous for the four of their members abducted in Baghdad a year ago.

So off he goes, back to the front lines, disarmed and disarming, an "attitude of active compassion" at the ready. With the courage of a warrior and the love of God, he's living radically for Christ.

If you love Jesus you will forward this to as many people as you can. For every person you think of right now and do not send this to, a baby will die. Now that you've read that it's true.


Maybe I should change his name- Laituri sounds kind of foreign. And I should probably have him following the advice of a pastor not a college professor. Everyone knows college professors aren't really Christians and secretly want to destroy people's faith. And maybe I should include a picture of an eagle perched on a cross with a flag waving in the background.

That's tough, all I find when I do an image search for "eagle cross flag" is stuff like this.

We'll see, in any case, if you've ever sent me an email, get ready for this.

The Voice of One Crying in the Wilderness

... but crying for notoriety or help?

Spoiler Warning: Though what I possibly spoil is not just a movie ending.

"Thanks to Delta airlines, you can now sit back and enjoy pedophilia while you fly in comfort across America. While there are certain passengers who may appreciate it, I don’t think I am alone in my convictions when it comes to the sexual exploitation of our children. I don’t like it."

Really?

You might think that showing kiddie porn would be a bad business move on Delta's part. You'd be right. However that doesn't stop Ray Comfort from accusing the airline of showing child pornography. From the sound of it, he saw (but didn't hear) Little Miss Sunshine on a Delta flight. (Well, I'm assuming it was Little Miss Sunshine based on his description).

If you don't know, Ray Comfort is a popular open air preacher. He and Kirk Cameron (yes, that Kirk Cameron) share a ministry that teaches certain methods of evangelism and a program called Way of the Master that is, sadly, not about ninja training.

It's hard for me to take this article seriously, that is, as serious outrage or a real call to arms. It seems too over the top and full of such hyper indignation. I don't see people that are really upset writing like this. It just seems disingenuous. But am I bothered simply because it's so laden with rhetorical outrage and sanctimony? Of course not, what do we have if not our feigned outrage- honest critique and dialogue? pffft.

Anyway, I'm bothered but I don't know if I'm disappointed or worried by this article. I don't necessarily share Ray Comfort's theological perspective and I'm suspicious of his coziness with reactionary and white supremacist people and groups, but I didn't take him for one of the Blue Meanies. I figured he was sincere and good but had some bad friends. But this?

We looked at each other and asked “How could this be happening?” This wasn’t some in-house meeting of NAMBLA where perverts were getting off on seeing a young child take her clothes off in the privacy of their own clubhouse. This wasn’t in some dirty little back room in Downtown Los Angeles. This was in front of mothers and fathers and their children on a domestic flight on Delta airlines.
What sort of twisted Hollywood scumbag is allowed to get this trash on a public airline?

What is this?

I'm disappointed if this is a shot at the big time. It's sad if this is Ray Comfort's attempt to catapult himself to prominence with a boycott- it's cynical and, frankly, unsophisticated (though, since first receiving the email, the article has been upgraded with a more forceful and clear form letter protesting to Delta). If he's trying to earn some Evangelical stripes, I understand. It's got the "think of the childen, save the flag, our enemies are monsters, Hollywoodphobic fear mongering, sign a petition if you love Jesus" marks that such a move needs but I didn't think this would be a move Ray Comfort would make. I'm disappointed; but I understand.

But maybe it's worse than that. Maybe I'm worried because the dance scene at the end of Little Miss Sunshine isn't sexy. There's something wrong with you if you view children as objects of sexual desire or interpret that scene as provocative. I guess that's a pretty horrible suggestion, but it's pretty horrible to know someone saw that scene as sexually stimulating. The intensity of the response only adds to the concern. The quick connection to pedophilia, child pornography, and NAMBLA seems like quite an odd jump to me. It makes me hope it is fake.

Maybe his not knowing what NAMBLA stands for should be reassuring.

We could probably challenge Delta's decision to show, R rated movies, even if they're edited, but this probably isn't the way to do it, especially if one really is sincere about it. Like I said, it doesn't seem like the article is really about what it says it's about- I just hope what it is about isn't as bad as what I think it could be about.

Maybe I'm just a jerk.

Crank

Spend five minutes reading my lame intertubes journal and it's pretty clear that I'm a crank.

That's fine, it's an important job... Or role, I don't get paid for this nonsense.

Of course I think the stuff I'm a crank about is worth cranking. Otherwise I wouldn't crank. But I know not everyone sees things as I do- for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes I'm dumb, sometimes other people are dumb. I'm sensitive to things other people couldn't care less about. Whatever- there is a whole world of crank out there.

For example, in another post I made reference to Jimmy Carter's new book where he describes what he thinks is necessary to ending the apartheid and violence in Israel. I think it's about an important subject, and from the excerpt I've read, it seems it's worth reading the whole thing. It's also worth mentioning again- it's on my Amazon Wishlist. He's not the first or only person to say these things. But because he's an Evangelical Christian, a veteran, a minister, a Nobel Prize winner, a Habitat for Humanitarian he's a bigger problem than the people that can be dismissed as crazy hippies. It's kind of difficult to impugn his character, patriotism, Christianity, or sincerity without really turning up the crank and looking like a lunatic or total jerk. Jimmy Carter, Jew hater. Really?

That's bad crank. An AlterNet editor offers his thoughts and a summary of some of the other bad crank that's going around right now. But I can't wait until the Christian Crank gets rolling. It'll take a while, Christians are typically behind the curve on most things. But when it does, it'll be crazy. Because Carter's a pretty good dude, and because few people actually care to dialogue the crank will be turned up to 11... and it will be crazy.

People can get pretty nasty when it comes to politics, add idolatrous nationalism and crazy theology to the mix and they get even nastier- and wackier. We should get a pool going to see when someone will first call JImmy Carter a, or the, Anti-Christ.

Freedom Isn't Free

Well it's about time I got to this.

Last year I hopped on the bandwagon by gathering domestic intelligence and tracking Sexy Christmas. Clearly my gift is in counter-intelligence.

If you remember, we were barely able to celebrate Christmas last year, and, if we're not careful, the battle for this year's Holy Days can easily be lost. Our enemy is not bound by the same sense of decency we are. They have no respect for the values that hold the world together. Their goal is to undermine the very foundations of our civilization; they will not stop until there is no Christmas. So if I had to become more like our enemies to save us from our enemies, you'll understand. I've had to be extra crafty, to match the enemy's craftiness. But I think you'll agree that my findings prove it was worth it.

I've uncovered an old but effective method of the enemy so heinous that if you're squeamish, I suggest you stop reading- or take this link to something more pleasant.

It is a plot that involves children and reveals how pervasive and truly disgusting the War on Christmas is. This is your last warning before we go into the details.

That said...

SouthFlorida.com has documentary evidence of an ongoing and historic program to turn children against Jesus. Here's one example.
You might think that the effects of the War on Christmas are seen in the grimaces and tears. You might think that this fear of Santa Claus has to be overcome. You might think it is the crying children that are lost to the enemy.

YOU ARE WRONG.

These children are clinging to the last threads of decency and wholesomeness that are soon lost to the influence of family and a culture offering gifts, candy, love, and cajoling.

If you click through the evidence you can see that many children have an innate fear of Santa. In their innocence, they immediately recognize the vicar of evil that has come to steal glory from the Baby Jesus. It's up to older siblings and parents to turn them; through bribery and years of conditioning they are broken. They become part of a grand army of brainwashed soldiers turning the next generation away from the manger and to the malls, where the fat, red-suited idol of materialism and consumption sits on his throne demanding their fealty. Parents unwittingly participate in the creation of a latter day Wiehnachtenkriegjungvolk. Where these children were once sensitive to the Spirit's warnings- now they eagerly worship mammon and spawn the next generation of the Devil's evangelists.

Don't feel bad if you didn't see this. Remember, I have a gift. In fact here's me telling the devil like it is:"Whatever, Santa; you're a sucka' and your evil ways have no effect on me." No tears, no worship- A "What can you do to me? Nothing" attitude.

So a hearty, "Merry Christmas and Screw Whatever You Might Value, Here's Some Jesus in Your Face," to you.

ed- Oh right, scared children initialy via BOING

Der Krieg auf Wiehnachten
Listening to The Wall

And This

Well it seems Too Hot to Hoot is not satisfied with his nom de nets. Try this-

Liver even?
Oh, Bob… Ok?
Stews, “Ah!”
As we tsk, “O’ Bob.”
-Ho never evil!

Oh and I think King Kong belongs on my Man Canon. The new one- not that lame old one. Have you ever seen that one? It's so bad- I mean Jeff Bridges as a hero- yeah right.

Speaking of Jeff Bridges...

I think the Big Lebowski goes on my Man Canon too.

What's This For?

How can I stay away from you?

Well, There're some Festering topics that have been hovering on my desktop for a while now. In fact many of them are hovering over this picture. I need to get them off my raw turkey before I can finish writing papers and grading.

Speaking of papers...

Welcome to 1970
A recent Kentucky editorial seems to be confusing our contemporary historical situation with a previous. Given the milieu of an over-reaching impeachable executive, an interminable no-win military quagmire, looming fuel shortages, Middle-East violence, and an odd turn for otherwise great musicians, it's hard to fault them for coming to the conclusion they do. But hippies? Really? I don't see many around anymore, but then I live in Southern California- not really the hotbed of liberalism that Lexington, Kentucky is.

Speaking of hippies...

Simplify, Man
The Supreme Court is listening to a case regarding the EPA's role in actually protecting the environment. You would think the the Environmental Protection Agency might have a role in that- you'd be wrong. The case started sometime ago when EPA was petitioned to set greenhouse gas emission standards.

In 2003, the agency denied the petition, saying that it lacked statutory authority to regulate greenhouse gas emissions, even though the agency in previous administrations had held that it did. Further, the agency said, even if it did have authority, it was not required to use it.

From here on, it'll just be known as the Agency.

So how does it look for this particular case, especially given the controversy in the non-scientific community over whether we contribute to climate change? Well how's this:
"I mean," asked Justice Antonin Scalia, "when is the predicted cataclysm?"
At one point, he acknowledged the role of carbon dioxide as a pollutant in the air but wondered about it being a pollutant in the "stratosphere."
"Respectfully, Your Honor, it is not the stratosphere. It's the troposphere," Milkey said.
"Troposphere, whatever. I told you before I'm not a scientist," Scalia said to laughter.

I'm sure things will be just fine.

Speaking of hell...

That Whole "Christian" Thing- It's Just a Name, Dude

The president-elect of the Christian Coalition announced Tuesday that he was stepping down, saying that the religious group appeared to balk at his proposals to focus on environmental and anti-poverty issues rather than on purely "moralistic" issues such as abortion.

This is no lefty president-elect; he's a Southern giga-church pastor who just happened to think the Bible is concerned with more than stone monuments to the ten commandments and gays burning flags at their weddings. I guess he thinks being a Christian is not the same thing as being a right wing kook. Seriously. Weird eh?. That whole full Gospel approach to faith won't really play to their base.

This might be one of those times when someone would say, "At least they're being honest." I guess. But it seems like that kind of honesty one finds when a spouse is caught cheating or a tumor metastasizes when you hoped it would just go away.

Speaking of not going away...

Word To your Father
Turns out MY PRESIDENT isn't so popular in the rest of the world and some people in the rest of the world wanted his father to get that message to him.

"We do not respect your son. We do not respect what he's doing all over the world," a woman audience member bluntly told Bush after his keynote speech.
Bush appeared stunned as the audience of young business leaders whooped and whistled in approval.
The retired president had just finished a folksy address on leadership by telling the audience how deeply hurt he feels when his son the president is criticized.

Or maybe they just wanted him to feel deeply hurt. I mean, why else criticize his boy?

Is this this?

Then how about something that's decidedly not Wrong, Terrible, or... Freaky... Funny... Foul? Yes, Foul. It's more of a thank God there's at least one American Christian thinking of this.

Jimmy Carter's new book identifies conditions in Israel as they are- apartheid. I know that sounds horrible. There's two reasons for that: 1.) we hear nothing of the conditions the majority of Palestinians suffer and 2.) it's a horrible thing.

Do you think that's an overstatement? Do you think that somehow I'm being hard on Israel? It's weird how most American Evangelicals were on the wrong side of the fence with South Africa too. And that was without the looney tunes Left Behind theology.

If you'd like to learn more about the apartheid conditions in Israel, visit your local library, or if you're worried about being put on a government watch list, you can go here. But that'll probably get you on a list too. You could also just buy the Christian Former President's book. I'm going to. I suppose that's list fodder as well.

Speaking of lists...

It's on my Amazon Wish List.

Thanks to Grandpa for turning me on to the celebration of greed and materialism that is the Amazon Wish List.

Now Rocking
Buzzcocks- Encore Du Pain: Live in Paris

I Am What I Am- and You Am What I Say You Are

Last week sometime, Too Hot To Hoot* asked me about my cinematic man canon. I had to admit I don't have one, so I figure I should get right on making one. I guess it's not very manly to admit not having a man canon- and I guess my conception of manliness, and the men I know, make having a man canon difficult for me. But maybe it's something we can work on. Anyone want to work on my man canon with me?

That joke's probably not as funny as I think it is... oh well.

Funny or not, I do not have a list of movies that I say are part of being a man or relating to other men. There are movies that I think are "must sees" but I don't know how they relate to what I think it is to be manly. Even my estimation of what it is to be manly may need some work. It may be putting the cart before the horse, since I don't really have a sense of what is essentially manly- but I will create my canon. And since I am a man, it will be my Man Canon.

I think it'll be a work in progress. I may come back to it to add more selections... Boy I don't even get the idea of canon right, do I?

I don't know if the choices I make will have anything to do with my penis. Similarly, I don't think your disagreeing with my choices means you have a girl penis. Maybe. In any case here are movies I think you should see before you are dead, not necessarily because they are great, but because maybe you'll get more of my jokes if you do. You tell me if they are related to my penis and testosterone producing balls.

This should be some good filler since I probably won't be posting anything else until the end of the semester.

Here they are in no particular order:
Raising Arizona
I [Heart] Huckabees
Young Frankenstein
Magnolia
The Thief of Bagdad
SpongeBob SquarePants The Movie
Caddyshack
Life Is Beautiful
Pulp Fiction
A Night at The Opera
Fargo
Master of the Flying Guillotine
Zoolander
The Godfather I & II
Jaws
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Aladdin
Bottle Rocket
The Crimson Pirate
The Hudsucker Proxy
Ghost Busters
All Quiet on The Western Front
Moulin Rouge
A Very Long Engagement

Now that I've written this, it seems very manly. Maybe that stems from having some sort of objective list against which you are measured. Yes- I can judge you by some objective standard and see if you are good enough for me. How does that feel? I control you. From what I understand, if you don't like any of these movies, your penis will fall off- even if it's a girl penis.

I'm definitely going to make the list longer so the standard becomes more rigorous and gives me more control. Just you wait- I'll use my Man Canon as a bludgeon to beat you into conformity.

*Remember, I'm not allowed to use anyone's name anymore.

Oh Right, This Is Why I Logged In

Once again the QweenBean and I are opening our home for a holiday celebration. If you can read this you are invited to
our Thanksgiving Feast and After Party. The feast is at 5PM and the after party is... after. If you're coming to the dinner portion let us know.

Here's home.

Why That Face?

Every Sperm Is Sacred
While in Missouri, it was impossible to go five minutes without seeing some type of anti-abortion propaganda. There were billboards literally in sight of each other with pictures of babies doing non-baby things along with some corresponding copy- like a pre-cognitive baby photographed at the moment their fist is at their chin so they seem inquisitive, and then a thought bubble reading "Did you know... life begins at conception?" They struck me a bit like those black and white posters highlighted with bits of color, where children in adult clothes do adult things and give me the creeps.

Anyway, along with the barrage of infants thinking, there were also probably as many billboards telling me who to call to get a vasectomy reversed. I thought it was strange but didn't give it much more thought until I heard about these crazies. Quiver Full Ministries will provide you with the immaterial resources you need to raise 6, 8, 13, hell, even two dozen kids. And if you've gone and done something horrible like have a vasectomy, Blessed Arrows will help you repent by paying for a vasectomy reversal. Doesn't their animation seem disturbing- on many levels?

Anyway, if you're not having a full quiver of children, I'll see you in hell... from heaven. Or maybe hell, I'm not sure what their theology would do with me. I continue to have sex knowing that reproduction is not likely... I'm guessing they probably would focus on the intent and openness to children... No that's still no good for them since gay people might want to have children and be completely open to the possibility... What to do, what to do?

Speaking of crazy ideas about sex...

You Won't Go Blind, But Your Head Will Explode And You'll See Cartoon Characters Everywhere
MY PRESIDENT's new appointee for a role at the Department of Population Affairs says sex causes brain damage. He has pictures and big words to prove it. So, kids, don't have sex. Finally irrefutable proof, modern science has all the answers we need and they, conveniently enough, correspond to the instructions we seem to find in the Bible.

Some people might say positions that say GOD=SCIENCE are just as absurd as BATS=BIRDS. But obviously they're wrong. Unless... (I'm rubbing my chin and and gazing at the ceiling)... Nope that's the way it is.

Speaking of heads exploding...

Who Says Never Swear, Neither By Heaven Nor Earth?
Because I hate myself I often sign up for various newsletters, articles and releases that often have the subtitle "Where's the Outrage?!" Articles like this.

You may have heard the first Muslim ever was elected to Congress. Are you outraged yet? Well dig this: he swore on a Qur'an. Did you crap your pants? Let me say it again: He swore on... (wait for it)... A QUR'AN!!

I guess there's a lot wrong with me if I find this event just as meaningful (read meaningless) as swearing on a Bible, a dictionary, a hymnal, or stack of comic books. But the outrage and fear she's trying to muster about this, that I like. That means something. I especially like this:

Ellison will be sworn in on a Koran. So now the Bible is equivalent to the Koran in the halls of Congress? Doesn't this then mean he is pledging allegiance to Islamic Law (Sharia) rather than our Constitution? Where is the outrage here? He will also bring his prayer mat and pray to Mecca. Ellison is a Sunni Muslim.

Oh in case you didn't know, BIBLE=CONSTITUTION.

Speaking of Muslims in Congress...

I Feel Like Saying "You're a Dirty Redneck That's Going to Lynch Me"
Glenn Beck is a dough faced AM radio guy that got a gig on CNN's Headline News. I understand it's a saturated market- what's an inarticulate, humorless, "conservative" white guy to do to prove that he, at last, speaks for us. Well how about stooping even lower than the others? That's not easy, but he's making some progress. One way he's done that is to disregard all the KKK, Council of Conservative Citizens, Christian Identity Movement, and other white supremacist affiliated and supported Representatives and Senators in Congress, and ask the one American Muslim to prove he's not allied with any foreign groups that don't want us in their backyards.

With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying, "Let's cut and run." And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, "Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies."
And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way.

GLENN BECK=PURE KOUNTRY

Is This A New Feature?
There is No Greater Love- Dizzy Gillespie
Freedom of Choice- Devo
Taxman- The Beatles
Break My Body- The Pixies
Sitting in Limbo- Jimmy Cliff
Wild World- Jimmy Cliff
I'm Tongue Tied- The Magnetic Fields
Fleshdunce- Dead Kennedys
Rock 'n' Roll Suicide- David Bowie
London Calling- The Clash
Iron Man- Black Sabbath
Adult Books- X
Electricity- Talking Heads

You're Killing Me, Larry

If you're not familiar with Sit n Sleep and their commercials, consider yourself lucky. Even just thinking about them, the stupid catchphrases are stuck in my head, and probably will be until iTunes pulls up an ABBA song (c'mon Waterloo). Their commercials are stupid and annoying, as are a lot of commercials. I'd embed a video of the commercial as a point of reference, but apparently no teenagers have thought to upload any to YouTube. My point is not that they're stupid. Like I said, that's not much in the world of commercials. I think they also happen to be anti-semitic. Oh I found them.

I have no problem with using stereotypes in satire or to make a good point. Dave Chappelle using stereotypes to undermine them and mock the people who actually believe they are useful tools for negotiating life or controlling others is perfect... mostly.

Whatever.

Sit n Sleep's use of cheap Jewish stereotypes is for nothing more than selling mattresses- talk about a shonda. An accountant named Irwin with a whiney, nasally voice complaining about how much money they're losing... am I the only one who sees this? Really?

M'eh...

Maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm just a baby, maybe I'm just smarter than most people, but I notice these things. You need me. You need me to see these things. Things like the convergence of the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act, the secret listing of Americans who cannot enter or leave the country, the Justice Dept. and courts saying non-citizens can be held indefinitely without trial, and MY PRESIDENT saying it's exceptional that we still held elections even though we're at war.

A nutshell:
a.) Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act: If you cause economic loss for a business via any form of protest you can be declared a terrorist. (Read- if you sponsor a successful boycott or peacefully picket a place and customers are turned away, you're a terrorist)
b.) You can be secretly placed on a no entry/exit list, even with a visa, and have no way to challenge your placement because the whos, hows, and whats of the list are a secret, essentially making you a prisoner without trial.
c.) The universal rights of people and limits on a government's power to imprison people claimed in our Bill of Rights seems to not matter. Mix this with the increasing ways "the government" can label people terrorists, combatants, or otherwise outside of the protection of the Constitution, mmmm that's good tyranny.
d.) The Constitutional given that we elect our leaders isn't such a given if it's ever a surprise that we would hold elections.

If 9/11 changed everything- if it changed things to this, didn't "they" win?

Look I have papers to finish and essays to grade. You have to start putting these pieces together without me.

Okay- I know how we'll do this. Here's a test. Here's another commercial I'm a big baby about. In this case I am sure I'm right.
So what do you think?

Does it help if I tell you that Chevy named this commercial "RaHoWa?"

They didn't, but when it's this obvious do they have to?

Oh well; good luck.

Now Is the Time I Disappear
Delta 88- X
Superstition- Stevie Wonder
With a Little Luck- Paul McCartney
I Asked For Water- Howlin' Wolf
Talk About the Passion- REM
Gouge Away- Pixies
C-C- Tom Vek
Gimme the Car- Violent Femmes
Casey Jones- Grateful Dead
It Aint Easy- David Bowie
Brazil- Juan Garcia Esquivel (how appropriate)

Remember The Magic

It seems I'm too cranky to have a sense of humor these days, so I'm posting this 'cos it makes me laugh inside and I told I Like Girls I would.

Sigh

We Care About Money, Remember?

In Iraq right now, there are a number of private contractors doing the work that used to be done by the military itself. Everything from digging latrines, to providing meals, to security, to the torturous interrogation of detainees is done by private firms like KBR, Global Risk Strategies and Blackwater. Then there are the contracts for building Iraqi infrastructure: schools, hospitals, roads, water systems, electrical grids. You know, the stuff that was there before but has to be rebuilt because we blew it up.

Things aren't going very well for these private contractors. That should be qualified, these private companies are making butt loads of money. In that regard, the only measure that may matter to some, these contractors are doing quite well. There is a lot of work for them to do. In fact the longer the occupation the more they make- guaranteed. The building contractors profit even if they don't get the job done. Their pay is typically based on a formula that guarantees them a profit whether they finish a job on schedule, under budget, or ever. The more it costs them, the more they get paid.

The security firms do not fall under military authority- technically they aren't combatants- but their bullets and bombs don't understand that technicality. The security contractors' missions are that of their clients: protecting cargo, passengers, gathering information- whatever. Their goals are profit, not necessarily the stabilization of Iraq. Similarly, the rebuilders of Iraq are not primarily concerned with stabilization or recovery- they get paid whether a job is done or not and the government agency responsible for auditing and overseeing progress and spending has been shut down and only recently (post November 7) has there been any talk about it reopening. For a few, Iraq and its people are a veritable pinata, whose burst open body and broken limbs are an ever flowing stream of goodies. The more it's hit, the more it gives. The head of Halliburton has made over $100,000,000 in stock value since the war began. Cool huh?

When I say things aren't going well for the private contractors, I mean they've been involved in torturing Iraqis, building shitty buildings and, falling short of their goals because of the government that governs least sends the least troops mentality that has fostered such a violent occupation. All in all we're paying a lot for the opportunity to crap on the Iraqis, and then charging them (and us again) for a shower that doesn't work. Making friends.

This is no accident, and while mercenaries and profiteers aren't new, they are present in unheard of numbers for an American conflict. This is the new military envisioned by a certain ideology- this is the military and a war of privatization. It's making Iraq more dangerous for everyone there. It is making troops and Iraqis less safe. And it costs a lot. Someone could easily say that profit is the priority in this situation. It definitely seems to be the most clearly outlined and pursued goal.

Blah blah blah...

So is this due solely to corporate greed? Is it an inevitable outcome of privatization? Is it just incompetence? Is it evil?

It's hard to describe this simply as a financial issue, because it isn't. Still, spending $300,000,000,000 to not catch Osama bin Laden is something.