Merry Christmas, Fag

Back in the day- "the day" being the era it was necessary to watch The Holy Grail in large groups after finding the one or two acquaintances who hadn't seen it and telling them "they had to," and ruining it for them by speaking, in awful English accents, along with the film and then being one of fifteen people telling them the next upcoming scene was hilarious - I watched The Holy Grail with some friends who were fine with everything in the film except the suggestion of sex at the Castle Anthrax. They were fine with all the comic violence to people and animals, the fingers in the eyes of religion and political authorities, all the death and disease, and everything else that was funny because it was unexpected and "wrong." That was all good, though I don't think we knew to say that back then. Point is, all that was okay, but comically referring to sex was right out, as one might say.

One dude- it was college, I probably called him dude- was particularly adamant that we fast forward (hey kids, back then we couldn't skip chapters) through the scene. This scene:

So we did. I didn't win by calling anyone babies or calling BS on their "sex bad: violence funny" nonsense. (After that and other complaints from Sex Baby, I knew I could make him uncomfortable by forcing him to hug when we greeted. I could also make him cry by sticking my tongue in his ear as we hugged when we greeted. So who wins that?)

Okay. I get that we're different, so we're sensitive to different things.
The thing is, the things about which we choose to be babies say a bit about the thing we think we are, or put another way, the things we pick are the things we pick.

So the MPAA says movie posters depicting fantasy torture are appropriate for all ages, but movie posters alluding to actual torture are not. Okay, that's who they are. They're corporate statist shills- at least that's one way of reading the claim they've staked.

So the preamble to the Iraqi Constitution is full of rhetorical language portraying the majority Shia population as a holy victimized minority now taking their divinely appointed place as protectors and saints. Sure they had a rough go of things for a while... a long while, point being, they pick and claim things now because of how "they" see themselves now and where they want to be in the future. Shiism is preserved and protected in their constitution as if there were presently an alternative. That's who they want to be so it makes sense to say those things.

Some "we" seems to see Christmas like that. It seems like we imagine it is threatened from some external source so we have to pretend we're defending something. Bill O'Lielly says some someones called secular humanists are waging a war on Christmas but I hopefully pretend that doesn't inform most of "us." I get emails telling me whom to boycott because they don't say "Merry Christmas" when you buy stuff. That's probably closer to home. We put up lights so we can see where the Jews and atheists live so they are more easily grabbed when the time comes. That's probably just me.

As for us...

Right now, our church sign reads Eat Christmas, Jerks!. Actually it reads, "Merry Christmas! Don't be Ashamed to Say It.

It probably is just me, but I find it hard to imagine that the "W '04," ""Pray for the Troops," and "CCV" bestickered SUVs rolling up and down Lone Hill are full of Secular Humanists on their way to Skeptics Society meetings.

No.

They're actually on the way to gay weddings- on their way from abortions.

No again, but I think you get my point.

It seems unlikely that the challenge we need or the bit of prophecy that may be good news to our lives is: Celebrate Christmas.

If the good news that is ostensibly embedded in Christmas is threatened, it is not by outsiders but us- those of us who practice it coercively or pretend we are actually defending anything or sticking it to the world by saying "Merry Christmas" like dogs protecting our fenced in yards from the mailman.

I hope that we feel something about Christmas is threatened because of what we do. I hope we can see that we're generally not ashamed to say, "Merry Christmas" and there is nothing world-sticking in saying it. I hope we can find anything in it that challenges the world (and our Christian practices are absolutely a part of the world). I hope there is some us that is different and sensitive to those things that might be more indicative of a God that loves humanity and has come to teach us, dwell among us, and change history because of that.

Or at least, if that's not possible, can we be a people that never has to hear "Christmas Shoes" again?

This Is a Title

Oh so much on my mind and no outlet but words to a wife who is not particularly interested.

But Friday- then I'll have some time. Until then, who said this:
"Only when Christ comes again will the little white children of Alabama walk hand in hand with little black children."

It's not a contest- I'm still waiting for more entries to the last. I'll still send Robin M. her prize even if no one else comes along to beat "bleepin'," but "bleepin'" just doesn't seem that strong to me. (No offense, Robin M., but how I feel about schmaltzy Christmas artists seems to need a much stronger word).
Plus, it's not that difficult to find out. You can Google it.

It was a response to MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech.

I guess if I wanted to make it interactive, I could use it as a racism Rorschach.
Whether you think the quote is a problem or not reveals how much of a claim the anti-Christ has on your soul.
Okay. It could be that. Are you a white devil or aren't you? Respond to the quote and find out.

Evil Aikido

What do you get when you cross the sappy clichés of maudlin Christmas commercials with the sensuality of Sexy Christmas?

I'm warning you now, if you haven't seen this ad yet, you may want to think twice about watching it. Once you see it, the images will leave a scar tissue in your mind distorting every future thought, hope, or dream.

A creature head in a box? Baby seduction? Half-naked Christmas card writing? What happened to the baby- is he in the drink? Was he that cookie? What kind of Christmas is this?

I can't hope it's a campy, ironic commercial, in the same vein as Old Navy commercials from year's past. It's a taunt. I fear I have dared the world too far- or underestimated its guile- and this is its response.

Fur fringed bras and shiny rhinestone panties on super models writhing to Christmas music. Is that the best you can do evil world? Try boobies with Christmas Star pasties. I dare you. How about Mary stripping off her tunic and veil to sell lingerie. I'd like to see you try that- but you won't 'cos you're evil and you're too afraid.

At some level, I hope, we know to be concerned with Sexy Christmas. At least we might offer some token scorrn to Victoria's Secretesque Christmas hoopla, and maybe if it went further, we would have some sense of "Now that's too far."

But instead of hitting us on the head, it's drawn us in for a hug.

Sexy Christmas and heart-warrming Christmas have been combined into some scary mix of syrup and body fluids set to jangly guitars and bells. Wistful, heartwarming and sexy- this Old Navy commercial disturbingly brings them all together to horrifying effect.

It hits the good buttons: diversity, youth, togetherness, giving, beauty, family, holiday warmth, childhood, and the suggestion of sex (group sex?) set to folky pop- all the while suggesting pagan baby-drinking/baking horrors. All these images turn on themselves to turn on us. It's everything we celebrate and think we want given to us as destruction.

If I were smarter, or ambitious enough to be smarter, I would know how to take this video and put it to more appropriate music- and then upload it to the YouTubes, of course. As it is, I'm not. I can tell you though, turning off the sound and syncing this with This Is The New Shit by Marilyn Manson, reveals this commercial for what it is. If you have the means, try it yourself.

There it is. In our faces. Taunting us.

One more thing, this is the only thing it could be; if you don't see it this way, it's because you are blinded by the power of the anti-Christ.

New Contest

I know my contests go no where, but you should try to this one. It's a wonderful creative exercise, and I have a great prize to award (suitable for giving as a Christmas gift).

Come up with a word that can accurately communicate just the right sense I was looking for in that last post and leave it in the comments.

The winner, as judged by me, will recieve... no I'm not saying this time. You must play for love of the game and the hope of being the most clever word-smith.

It's pretty great though.

For Three Songs and For Four, I Will Not Revoke The Punishment

There is a power and magic to Christmas. It is an upending and devastating power that can make the repulsive beautiful and bring the outcast and overlooked to the fore. It is the magic in the transcendent God becoming human- bringing a beauty to that strange creature that comes forth somewhere between urine and feces to be creation's glory.

But c'mon why can't we keep Clay Aiken, Toby Keith, Jessica Simpson, The Chipmunks, and every other [there isn't an expletive I know that can properly modify this word] artist on the trash heap of musical history and off the air at Christmastime?

When I have to hear schmaltz in public, it's generally just an irritating drone. It doesn't distract me from the task at hand- finding a hammer, pumping gas, buying eggs, dismembering a drifter. When I hear Clay Aiken singing "Mary Did You Know," my vision clouds. I'm overcome. I stumble about, knocking over pyramids of Chinese made Executive Desk Sets, and Snow Man-Shaped Decanters. I trip over a cube of Shower Clock Radios and as I lie on the ground with security on the way, all I can do is choke and make deep gurgling grunts.

I can feel these songs on my skin like a filmy greasy web. They have an oppressive mass and body to them. They're a heavy sweet-putrid choking stink that searches out the back of my throat and presses down my tongue to force its viscous sticky oil down my gullet.

Please, please, please!?

And that's Christmas magic.

I've Got The Golden Compass

You should know how to read that.

I gave in to the lure of armored polar bears or my rebellious spirit.

I picked up The Golden Compass yesterday. If it's true that this book is atheist propaganda and The Chronicles of Narnia are Christian propaganda, then atheists are so much cooler than Christians.

Though Classic Grandpa says we should cut C.S. Lewis some slack because when he was writing it was harder to think of anything cooler than talking beavers. Okay. I'll give that to him. But I probably don't have to.

Unless you're trying really hard to find it, you're not going to get an atheist's apology in The Golden Compass. To be clear though, I don't think you get Christian allegory in Lord of The Rings and though this may be too close to blasphemy for some, I think the symbolism in The Chronicles of Narnia is a bit wooden.

So...

Don't be a baby?

I don't know if that advice will help though. If you are a baby, you're not likely to not be a baby because of what I just wrote. In fact, you'd probably be a baby about what you've just read as well as The Golden Compass that you won't read- or see. So what to do?

Should I not finish reading it out of regard for my weaker brothers and sisters? Should I read it so that when weaker brothers and sisters say something weak I can help them become stronger? Should I read it and be concerned about myself for appreciating its anti-authoritarian message? A pope character named John Calvin and the head of the church in Geneva- I love that it's so despicable.

Maybe I'm the weaker brother. I was, after all, so eager to give into the polar bears. Maybe I need your help.

Okay- dig this- I think that for many reasons, religion is often an oppressive authority and handy source for justifying the unjust, so apart from the taut writing, well-imagined world and characters, and engaging story, it has an important message and presents the kind of questions those on the "doing" end of oppression ought to be confronted with, especially as those on the doing end can be so... correct. But then, I am someone who could not say there is some "pure thing" called THE CHURCH that is innocent of such abuses. That is, I wouldn't say, "Oh sure, individuals have done horrible things in the name of God or under the color of church authority, but they aren't THE CHURCH, they were pretenders and THE CHURCH remains undefiled and full of... I dunno... the Elect?" I tend to see one boat, though I do see people who actively want to be something church-y in an interesting place on that boat. Maybe.

So that's me- clearly in need of some help from someone who knows that there is such a thing as The Church Invisible, knows that any authority is good authority, and is willing to straighten my soul's bones.

I Need Someone, A Person to Talk to, Could It Be You?
1979- Smashing Pumpkins
Spanish Bombs- The Clash
Original of the Species- U2
Dirt- Phish
Let It Be- The Beatles
Out of the Window- Violent Femmes
Mrs. O'Leary's Cow- Brian Wilson
Blind Barnabus-- The Golden Gate Quartet
2000 Miles- The Pretenders
Gigantic- The Pixies

The Stain Lifter

I know it seems like something that shouldn't be true. I grant that people don't want to believe that we torture as a matter of course or that we are a people who confess by our actions that the lives we enjoy depend upon the deaths and torture of others, but at some point, people who do not, or did not, otherwise want to confront that reality, will have to.

The crap faucet has been dripping for a while now, and while many were able to ignore the early droplets, the mess is getting harder and harder to ignore.

There are various ways of confronting that. We are currently at a point where you can rationalize it by saying, "Well the Democrats were involved, too." And that will probably make things okay for you- if you're a butt. But if you're not a butt, or trying to recover from being a butt, you may want to try something else. You could try not saying the F-word or drinking beer.

That doesn't do anything for me, but I'm sure for many it's a surrogate for making a difference. And as far as surrogates go, it's better than buying a Hummer or cheating on your spouse.

But for others of you, you may want to-
Stop everything! I've got it

Maybe I'm not being fair or honest with myself. Maybe the life I live really is worth someone's death and torture.

I mean, I am a Christian and we're all into that business aren't we? The idea of someone being brutalized for our benefit is mother's milk, right?

Oh here comes how I'm sleeping at night...

Ready?

Here it is: Not only are we are helping others to be more Christ-like, torture and murder are our communion.

I can believe that. What's more literally flesh and blood than actual flesh and blood?

It's so perfect and simple. It's perfectly simple. I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight.

_______________________________________________
No, this is the line. What I've written clearly has not crossed it.
I Will Crap My Pants and Wake Up Crying
Maggie's Farm- Bob Dylan
My Funny Valentine- Chet Baker
Spaceboy- Smashing Pumpkins

In a Way, You're All Winners But In Another, More Accurate Way...

Hey internetter using Road Runner with IP address 76.79.255.-blank-, you were my 10,000th visitor back on the 22nd. That's cool.

I should give you something.

The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get

Everything that I'm learning about The Golden Compass makes me want to see the movie or read the books. What I'm learning is that it looks awesome and that it is feared by some religious types. Perhaps my wanting to see or read it says I have a rebellious spirit or I'm a sucker for polar bears in armor.

Oh... right- There's no spoiler alert needed 'cos I'm not saying anything about the movie that is not already in the ether.

So, I hear it's supposed to somehow be atheist propaganda- or at least it impugns organized religion and a particular conception of God. I don't find that particularly troublesome, not least of all because there are many things about organized religion and particular conceptions of God that need impugning. Still, I see why that might bother some people, just like I can see why ham-fisted cartoons of Mohammed might bother some people too. What can I say? I can really empathize.

It seems like it could easily offend some people's religious sensibilities. If that's the case, then I don't see why someone shouldn't avoid it. I couldn't read the Left Behind series for largely that reason.

But atheist propaganda? From what I know, that seems a stretch. It's not a stretch insofar as religious babies misunderstand atheism- or believe too much in their own boogiemen. That is, it makes sense to see this as a type of atheistic threat if you're into the hype in much the same way it makes sense to believe that Iraqi Islamo-fascists will get into their boats and airplanes to follow us home.

From what I can tell, The Golden Compass does not seem like atheist polemic. It may be anti-theist, or theist of a stripe you're not comfortable with, or anti-religion, but not atheist. It's a lot like the Bible in that sense.

I should confess though, I might be an atheist. If I need to believe in God as some Santaesque bearded old man hanging out somewhere beyond the boundaries of the sky to be a theist, well, then, that's not me. And if I need to believe that there is one thing that is Christianity- that there is possibly some pasteurized thing that is pure Christian beyond any of the myriad forms that have ever been expressed so that I might be... whatever it is that would make me, then I guess that's not me either. So someone somewhere might think I'm an atheist. I guess that's fine. But I think an atheist is something else.

For good or bad, an atheist seems someone who couldn't care less about a god or many gods. It wouldn't make sense to say they don't believe in god as it suggests that there may be some type of alternative to do so or not do so. God just doesn't enter into the picture for them. Just as you likely do not consider the existence of luragrafs a matter of belief or not, an atheist would give no more thought to a deity. There is no thing in which they might believe, so why bother with the position? I suppose there are those who view the concept of god as something others might believe in and regard such belief as a harmless matter of personal superstition or a dangerous delusion and act accordingly. But here, as I speak out my rear on the matter, things in The Golden Compass seem anti-Christian or anti-religion and smart enough to not be anti-god. (I don't mean to say that the author may not be anti-god, but it makes no sense to be so or write an allegory that makes a case for that position- as it makes no sense to be pro-god and allegorically justify that position- maybe he realizes this. I don't know.)

Perhaps I should know better, but I don't find that wholly problematic. There is, after all, a lot in religion generally and the many expressions of Christianity specifically to be "anti." This may not be any fault of religion or Christianity. They are just things made by people, and, as the Blonde Buddha said, there are a lot of Christians who are easy to not like. It makes sense that they would craft a religion appropriate to their unlikeability.

I suppose if that's all there were or if I thought the church were some thing that needed to be kept safe in a garden I would be troubled. But I don't so I'm not.

It may be that Philip Pullman really is describing and advocating some metaphysical position and hoping someone, somewhere will say, "Hey, wait a minute- that group I keep giving my money to every Sunday is a crock." But I don't think that would be the fault of the movie. Though worse, I may be missing the Chick-reality behind it all, and with every copy of the book and every screening of the film there is an imp assigned to destroy the faith of the reader/viewer.

Tell you what, if that turns out to be the case, I'll buy you a soda.

In My Absence I Missed a Watershed Event in The Life of My Blog
Helter Skelter- The Beatles
Search And Destroy- The Stooges
My Iron Lung- Radiohead
La La- The Polyphonic Spree
Necromancer- Gnarls Barkley
Supermassive Black Hole- Muse
Power of Love- Jimi Hendrix
Turn A Square- The Shins
Who Are You- The Who
Coffee Mug- Descendents
Las Abajenas- MMF
Blitzkrieg Bop- The Ramones
She Watch Channel Zero- Public Enemy