Sexy Comes Earlier and Earlier Every Year

I'm not the first to note that Halloween often carries the opportunity/challenge/oppressive requirement that women be a sexy/skanky/slutty whatever. A woman's not just a nurse for Halloween, she's a sexy/skanky/slutty nurse. This just means she's a nurse in a short skirt, push up bra, high heels, and low cut top. If she's a car, ghost, robot, grandma, table, maid, giraffe, amoeba... leaf... bucket... whatever- it's the same thing.

Other people have written Feminist critiques of this or just made the funny observation that it's the women who don't buy into the caricature of woman that don't do this.

Whatever.

I wanted there to be a caricature of hyper-masculinity that I could be for Halloween but anything I thought of seemed too Pride Parade. Plus, there isn't much that might be hyper-masculine that I can pull off. Unless it's hairy. I can do that.

I can also pull off sexy Vikram Ray. So I did.

The World's A Mess; It's In My Kiss

So thinking about my awesome Jack-o-Lantern, I thought something like this:
"... a symbol of generalized angst that accompanies the historical conditions of globalization can't beat a classical representation of the real horrors of starving Irish immigrants and their barely disguised pagan worship..."

And it made me think this:
"... Ha- another way Mexicans and Irish are similar- they hang on to their 'old ways' pretty tightly."

And then writing notes and looking up some images for class this week I thought:
"...the mining through tradition and the reformulation we do to make sense of who we are is wild- culture is a bit of an illusion."

There is no real "they," no Irish, no Mexican, except for the Irish and Mexican we create.

Of course there is a place called Ireland, a place called Mexico and people there and not there who identify themselves as Irish or Mexican. (Though even those labels suggest a continuity or stability of identity that is not real- ask if someone is Tarascan or Purepecha, Mexica, or Mexican- and they might say, "Yes"). So Halloween is an Irish holiday that would make no sense if it were transported, as we practice it here, back to Eire for their Samhain, but without that there would be no Halloween as we have it here. This isn't just to say that we (should) understand ourselves via inherited traditions or live in a particular context. That's just being alive- go ahead, try being outside of history and see what happens. The point is, we pick and choose and labor to craft an identity based on who we think we are or what we should be- and just as intensely labor to create an identity for those who are not us. It's good to understand that, in fact, it's a problem, a horrible problem when we don't. When we think that a culture can be a closed and stable body of phenomena that determine behavior, that is as dumb as saying "Ohh... Gemini and Virgo are ruled by Mercury, don't buy that house this year."

Irish aren't one way, Arabs another, Mexicans yet another and on. That is, there is no thing that is Irish, Arab, Mexican, French, German, Chinese because it is Irish, Arab, Mexican, French, German, Chinese. We can say that in particular historical conditions there are traditions and behaviors that are possible and observable, but it is neither a genuine appreciation of diversity nor a true understanding of what we are as human to say, "You're ___ because you're Irish."

There are at least three reasons why this matters to me (besides obliquely addressing it in class this week): Reason the 1st- I am part of a community/culture that wants to transform its identity into something that is neither consistent with its assumed tradition nor the understanding we have of what it means to be in Christ. It doesn't help to say, "That's not who we are," because very quickly it's who we could be. But that's a bad we to be. Calling ourselves EFCSW instead of a Yearly Meeting, Annual Conference instead of the same, murmurs that we may discard our Fervent Convictions, being so cozy with Biola, inviting Master's Seminarians to speak to our congregations all mean something- something bad.

These aren't just random happenings, but events in the ongoing formation of our community character and identity- none of which are appropriate to who we think we are as disciples, people who have been called to be transformed from slaves to friends of Christ. If they're a deliberate rejection of Quakerism, that's sad. If they are thoughtless or based on church growth-marketing strategies (same thing as thoughtless I guess) that's more than sad... sadder I guess.

Reason B. Many things in the air these days suggest we don't understand culture this way. There seems to be this talk of a conflict of civilizations, of essential attributes of culture being behind this so called defining war of the 21st century. Oh the conflict is really there, but the reasons attributed to it, the categories for thinking about it, and what we imagine can be done are facile and, well... wrong. The corollary aspects of this syndrome have us believing there is something unified and bound called "American" that is sustained by becoming more and more like our enemies but is somehow justified by some magical substance that is "America."

Nothing above suggests that differences and conflict aren't real. But, this reduction of conflict to an issue of culture or civilization justifies and exacerbates it.

Reason #3- I am thinking about Halloween and Dia de Los Muertos and how much fear there is surrounding these celebrations. I am wondering if this fear is of death, remembering we are spiritual, of some pagan "other," of Papists, or good old Christian in-fighting.

At least, in their refusing to give up their "pre-Christian" practices, autumn is made that much better for us... whoever that might be.

That's all- no big deal.

Who's Been Telling Lies?
So What- Miles Davis
Aquarius- The 5th Dimension
La Vie En Rose- Edith Piaf
Slow Country- Gorillaz
Join Together- The Who
Happiness is a Warm Gun- The Beatles
World's A Mess; It's In My Kiss- X

Jack-O-Editorials

I must be very tedious company; even our Jack-o-lanterns are politicized? See how we've incorporated the themes of the season into our creations- brilliant isn't it? 9/11 and sheer terror- what more could you ask for?

Here's what more I could ask for: in any pumpkin carving contest, blatantly maudlin entries should be tossed from our roof and onto our compost pile, judges should be thoroughly vetted, found familiar with classical jack-o-lantern forms, and be able to distinguish between generalized anxiety and real fear.

A Second Hand Emotion

Another Christian couple we know is divorcing. This one, "childed" three times, made it about seven years. Here's what they seemed to have going for them:
advanced degrees
financial security
church going
clearly designated and strictly enforced "gender roles"
"traditional values" oriented
'Eh, I'd say they had all that going against them too.

The husband is intensely misogynistic, more than just the way most American Christians are. He says some pretty stupid things about the way men are and the way women are, and how much better men are than women simply by virtue of their being men or women. As I said, most American Christians aren't too keen on the ladies so I don't know that this caused the divorce... then again I guess most Christian marriages end in divorce so... maybe. Still it seems many people are perfectly content to participate in their own devaluing. But maybe the intensity of the misogyny is suggestive. There's only so many places you can go when a man so vehemently declares how worthless women are and how much he prefers the company of men. We'll see if that shoe drops too.

They live in a state that is passionately pro-family. Of course by pro-family, I don't mean that they support a minimum living wage, universalizing health care, creating and supporting high-functioning successful schools or things like that. I mean they hate gay people and the idea of them getting married. I guess they didn't hate gay marriage hard enough to save their own. And they're smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt, the state in the Bible Belt that has the nation's 6th highest divorce rate and doesn't consider it a hate crime to beat someone up because they're gay.

...sigh...

The same week the Mark Foley Sexually Predatory Alcoholic story broke there was another story in the San Francisco Chronicle that in another context might be called a human interest story, but here and now it has a very political content. It was about a couple who have been together for the past 26 years. Over these past 26 years they have raised five children. These children were abandoned by their parents, exposed in the womb to alcohol or drugs, had few options other than emergency residential or group home placement. After having worked as a social worker, I would guess it impossible to conceive of a hell for children worse than group homes or temporary emergency placement- temporary placements that more often turn out to be permanent. To be fair I suppose some people can't imagine a hell worse than their having two dads.

The narrative I'm supposed to buy along with the Foley story contains a few elements that make it impossible for the Chronicle story to exist in the same universe as the Foley story: that somehow his behavior was promoted by the permissive environment created by out of control political correctness, that he could creep around unafraid because no one wanted to be accused of gay-bashing, that the gay in a gay person makes them dangerous, less, scary, failed. I'm supposed to figure Foley stalked teenagers because he was gay, not because he was a jerk. I am supposed to believe that there is something integral to the being of a gay person that makes them not only sexual predators, but incapable of doing anything like raising children. These guys raising these kids are not supposed to be able to do anything other than pursue their own narcissistic sexual gratification. So in that sense, I suppose there really is a crime against nature here.

26 years. That beats my parents. That beats most divorcees I know. And five kids. Five adopted kids. That's seems pretty selfless- maybe pro-life even. Don't these guys know they're gay?

If Lady Skybalon ever decides to divorce me, I'm guessing it'll be because she got sick of hearing me complain about a messy bathroom. But I guess now you can say it's because of my weak stand against the gays.

So I switched to Beta- what am I supposed to do with that? I I preferred editing in HTML. And labels? Doesn't that impose some kind of method to this, now I have to think of things as connected and part of my oeuvre? Labels!? We'll see about that.

Meg White Has a Horrible Voice
Overjoyed- Stevie Wonder
No Way- Pearl Jam
Midnight Rambler- The Rolling Stones
Last Stop: This Town- Eels
Half a Person- The Smiths
Passive Manipulation- The White Stripes
Landslide- Fleetwood Mac

I Say We Hang Him... Then We Kill Him

Another Active Martyr Devotion- This Time Timely
Calvin: I hope that the sentence of death will at least be passed on him; but I desire that the severity of the punishment be mitigated.
Farel: Screw that, burn him.
On October 27 (that's today), 1553 Michael Servetus was burned at the stake in Switzerland for denying that the Trinity was a scriptural concept and rejecting infant baptism. John Calvin thought he should be executed by sword rather than fire. He testified against him and urged the death penalty, only a gentle death penalty.

In this moment of weakness, William Farel admonished his brother in Christ to be bold and demand that Servetus be burned for the preservation of Calvin's faith. Certainly if, as Calvin taught, adulterers, witches, and disobedient children should be executed, then heretics deserved the most painful death imaginable. Farel wouldn't let Calvin budge and so Servetus was burned.

Do you sometimes feel squeamish about what the Lord requires of you? Are you ever confused about how to act? Don't cringe from encouragement and correction in the Body of Christ. Calvin was confused too. Providentially, Farel was there to sharpen him.

Are we sometimes divided over the details of our faith? Make sure you reach out to your brothers and sisters in Christ in those areas where we find common ground. We may not know how to kill God's enemies, but by His grace we know that they deserve to die. Whether we are on the receiving or giving end of encouragement and correction we can be united in purpose.

Lord, we ask that wherever Your Body may be divided we find unity. We ask that you look not on our sin, but in your mercy find us faithful for being willing to kill at all.

Maybe You Ate a Clove

I had to brush my teeth after that last post.

Here's something much more pleasant:

Russ Feingold is the 2006 Person of the Year

Editor Brennan Nardi says she and editorial director Neil Heinen have had their eyes on Feingold for the honor since 2005, when he became the first senator of either party to call for troop withdrawal in Iraq. “It’s really a culmination of an exciting decision for Madison and Wisconsin on whether he’ll run for president, his independent stands on extremely important and often divisive issues, and his continued commitment to travel around the state to listen to what people have to say about them.”

WISPOLITICS.COM

Russ Feingold is so great, he can be named 2006's person of the year before the year is even over.

Holy Moly I love this guy.

(single tear)

Back to The Future

Farmers farming, small businesses growing, people going to the market all under a government that is sovereign, can sustain and defend itself, and is a US ally. That's why we invaded and now occupy Iraq. At least that's what MY PRESIDENT says. (No transcript link as the news conference is still under way).

Uh... isn't that a bit vague or a kind of low bar? I know he's not very specific when he talks about things like freedom and democracy, and when he's more specific, what he describes hardly sounds like the kind of freedom and democracy humans require. I mean, after all, isn't what he describes what existed under Saddam Hussein? That's sad.

Oh and here's a fun quote from the news conference:
"Look, I rea- uh I look at the newspapers around here."

Once Again

Look how many posts in one day; this is just like the old days.

This is barely a real post though. Still, this Saturday at 7PM, we are having our... I don't know 6th? annual Halloween Pumpkin Monster Fest... thing. If you can read this you are invited- especially you, Russ Feingold staffer forced to search through the series of tubes for mentions of your boss.

Anyway costumes are encouraged but not required.

Here's where I live.

It Works If You Work It

Rename The Policy Game That's Not a Game
My interblog contests don't work so I won't try to force a game out of it, though it would be a good one.

We know now that "Stay The Course" was never MY PRESIDENT'S Iraq war policy; only an idiot would think that's what he meant when he said it. But still, he probably won't be saying it as much. What will he say?

If it were a game I would say suggest your name for the policy and you could win something... something like... a Serrano Chile Plant. Yes!

Okay, I am so spineless. It's a game. If you come up with a new suggestion for the new Iraq War policy euphemism (that's probably going to become what has heretofore been characterized as "cut and run") and I pick it as the winner, you win a Serrano Chile plant. I also have some Habanero plants, I guess I could give one of those to a really great name. Well, I'm getting ahead of myself.

There it is, win a FREE chile plant by renaming the Iraq War Policy euphemism. Make salsa for your friends.

Your Future Lies Before You

So a big story for hippies this week is how MY PRESIDENT has said his policy has never been "stay the course." That anyone would make political hay of this is really a disservice to our country and reveals how little they know the man in the office. But perhaps worse, it misses the opportunity for personal growth that MY PRESIDENT offers whenever he speaks.

It's true MY PRESIDENT did say the US would "stay the course" in Iraq, over and over again. But to say that he meant we would "stay the course" in Iraq when he said we would "stay the course" really doesn't grasp the nuance of language and understanding, and how MY PRESIDENT, especially, is a master of variegated interpretations and layered meanings.

His words reach out to us and demand from us participation in understanding. That's what language generally requires, but MY PRESIDENT takes it further and cleverly uses the simplest expressions to address the most complex realities, and in that we are required to move beyond a facile awareness of life and into a deeper interrelatedness with each other and our real historic conditions.

When he says, "Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists," the simple hearer might take those words at face value and imagine they represent some sort of actual reality or correspond to a clearly identified US policy. As if yes could mean yes and no, no.

"We do not torture" would mean we do not torture. "No war plans on my desk" would have a clear and direct meaning. But that understanding would merely be superficial. If that were the case, officially declaring Syria a sponsor of terrorism could mean something like we would not send a Canadian citizen making a stopover at JFK to Syria to be tortured. Is that what we want- to passively accept assumed meanings like some type of machine simply receiving input?

MY PRESIDENT is extending an invitation; he wants us to think deeply and grow beyond the convention of words and the limited conditions through which we perceive the world. He wants us to be more than cogs or processors and join him in creating meaning and crafting our reality. FREEDOM is definitely on the march, but not only from "Cairo to Kabul;" he invites us to free our minds as well.

If we accept his offer, not only are we freed from the prison of convention and imposed meaning, but we are suddenly bound to each other in new and exciting ways. We become members of a free and genuine community of our own making.

I'm An Alligator, I'm a Mama-Papa Coming For You
No Shuffle Play:
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust- David Bowie

Defenestration is Fancy For "Toss Out a Window"

An Active Martyr Devotion
When we're killing for Christ it's important to remember it's not just the heathen that has to be killed. Oh it's important, but they're a steady outside threat that is easy enough to identify. When we need to round 'em up, we can easily spot them by their swarthiness, their funny hats, accents, or beards; and if it's too hard to spot them on the street, we can just wait until they gather to worship their false gods and collect them then.

Never forget, as dangerous as "they" are, there is a greater threat from the inside. Those who would claim to stand among us are a cancer in the Body of Christ. And like cancer, it often takes extreme measures to remove this threat. If we look to history as our example, we see there is as great a threat from those who would claim to be with us as there is from the outside.

We must be willing to examine our own communities and identify the Judas. Who is it that would threaten Christ from within our fold? That's a tough question, luckily we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses who possessed a great purity of vision and purpose.

Today's Active Martyr (that's what we'll call them) is Jan Zelivsky.

This Hussite preacher so loved the Lord and hated the corruption of the Church, he led his congregation to storm city hall and throw the city council from the upper windows and onto spears below.

Bold enough in itself, this move soon prompted the Hussite Wars wherein the Hussites were known to not take prisoners, preferring to shoot horses out from under mounted cavalry and then showering the heavily armored but immobile knights with musket fire in the streets.

They eventually got what they wanted: to celebrate with bread and wine.

Heavenly Father, give us a passion for your church. Let us act with boldness and zeal for the sake of Your Bride's purity.

That's Great But It Costs 250 MP to Use

Yahoo News story about a cloaking device.

Peter in The Garden

"Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you."
And behold, one of those with Jesus stretched out his hand and drew his sword, and struck the slave of the high priest, and cut off his ear.

Maybe this is the zenith of Peter's career. We don't hear of him doing anything like this again, but whatever it was that subsequently stole his passion for Our Lord, we still have his early example.

He wasn't a soldier, or even an independent contractor trained in special interrogation techniques, still we see he was willing to do what he could- blooming where he was planted, if you will.

Maybe you're worried that you don't have anything to offer. You're not old enough to buy a gun; you're too little to beat anyone up; all you have is a lead pipe or a tube sock full of rocks. Look to Peter. In the face of superior numbers and weapons he did what he could. What can you do?

Dear Lord, when I feel small and overwhelmed, when I'm afraid and hemmed in by a great enemy, give me the courage to act.

Now I Get It...

I think it rather stupid when someone looks to the past and says it was such a better time. Especially as it regards the collective morality of the country- our country, that sentiment is stupid. Well, it's stupid as far as an historical or moral perspective are concerned, but it may be a very smart way to alienate someone. Depending on who says it, it could mean, "Things were better before you showed up," or "Boy, wasn't it great when your people knew their place?" or, "I sure wish I could hire a 5 year old to work in my textile mill." Sure it works for those times when you want to make someone feel unwelcome but it's just not true that "things" were better in the past.

And...

... We can hardly overstate our bias for the present. We have an overwhelming preference for right now. That makes sense; after all, it's when we are. But it's limiting. I don't mean what MY PRESIDENT and HIS apologists mean- that we are unable to see the "big picture-" that 200 years from now, no one will remember the dead Iraqis and Americans or tortured Muslims and so everything will be okay. I mean it's easy to forget that people anywhere or anytime have ever thought differently. And if we do remember, it's difficult (impossible) to understand that thought from outside of our own thought.

So...

... I don't think there really is a sense of moral understanding that transcends right now. When we talk about the past being better, it's often a cudgel.

But...

... We can still look to the past for examples and for a bit of clariity. To wit, our present values distort our perspective on those questions of torture and fundamental human dignity. I guess I should be more clear when I say "our," especially if it suggest there is a single "our" or unitary "value." So broadly speaking, I guess I'm addressing me, or anyone like me that is deeply troubled as a disciple of Jesus or as an advocate of the public. Whether we are looking at it as a representative of the state or as disciples of Jesus we might be stuck in the present. As such we do not have the ability to see how what is being done may be perfectly compatible with or required by state or church values. We may need to look to the past.

We've forgotten what it means to kill for Christ. Not just kill, but mutilate, humiliate, ruin, make destitute. I don't think it does any good to say, "I'm a Christian and it's sometimes okay to kill people... or rip out their fingernails." That kind of equivocation is worthless. We have the example of a time when we could confidently say, "I am killing you for Christ;" "May the smoke from your searing flesh be a fragrant offering to my Lord;" "I throw you from this window in the name of the Prince of Peace." It worked before, we need to dust off that sentiment and see how it works today.

Perhaps it's time we add to the catalogue of martyrs those who were bold enough to kill for Jesus so we can remember things weren't always as confused as they might feel now.

I'll do it. If I can begin posting with any kind of regularity again, I will highlight heroes of the Church- those we can look to as shining examples of Christian fortitude and zeal. Let's start with: Peter in the Garden

Why Didn't Somebody Tell Me This Before?
Blue N' Boogie- Dizzy Gillespie
Go With the Flow- Queens of the Stone Age
1979- Smasing Pumpkins
Whatever Happened to Pong?- Frank Black
Seventeen- Sex Pistols
Bird Dream of the Olympus Mons- Pixies
Take Me Out- Franz Ferdinand
You are the Sunshine of My Life- Stevie Wonder
My Descent Into Madness- The Eels
Underture -The Who

Our Three Weapons are Fear, Surprise, and Ruthless Efficiency

Today, some clergy gathered a short walk from the White House to protest a policy prohibiting federal representatives from specifically praying in Jesus' name. It's described as "an 'escalating crisis' over chaplaincy prayer policies."

In the White House itself, MY PRESIDENT signed into law the Military Commissions Act of 2006- making it so "some individuals, at the designation of the executive branch alone, could be picked up, even in the United States, and held indefinitely without trial and without any access whatsoever to the courts" and "permit an individual to be convicted on the basis of coerced testimony" and even "allow someone convicted under these rules to be put to death." Well, that's what Russ Feingold says it would do- but he's a Democrat. And even though that is, in fact, what the law allows, he's probably just politicizing the issue.

Really, trying to make MY PRESIDENT look bad by explaining what this law actually does when MY PRESIDENT has already vaguely justified it, saying it's for saving Amer'can lives. Have you ever seen anything so low?

Well I was going to piss and moan, but I quit. How could I be right. I can hardly find any Christians who see anything wrong with this- I found myself more in agreement with the Jewish Russ Feingold than our Christian PRESIDENT. Shouldn't that be a red flag.

So, for my first act on the winning side (is it my first act...? I think I've pretended to quit before... I can't recall) I would like to offer a prayer- as a sponsor of the state, and of course since Christians are protesting for the right to do so, it must be in Jesus' name:

Lord and source of Love, we ask in our time of dire need that you would protect and guide our hands that interrogate our enemies;
We ask that Your blood would wash and seal us from the blood of those who oppose us.
In the name of the Prince of Peace, bring us victory in the form of actionable intelligence.
And in Your Holy and Life-Giving Name we ask that You make our enemies our victims,
So that Your name might be glorified through all the earth and that all may know, as we act in Your name, that Jesus is Lord.

I've Already Bought a Boat, Suckers

Dear Dr Samailla,
I get it- my cousin (wink) died in Liberia. Excellent. I have a lot of cousins, too many to count, so this is plausible enough for anyone casually interested. The other two questions remain unanswered though. I am willing to budge a little bit on the numbers, maybe a 75-25 split can work, but have decided I must be firm on insisting that I be paid with a large novelty check. Please respond to those two points in your next message.

I am ready and have arranged myself to follow normal banking procedures for perfection. And like you, I can't wait to see the reaction of the bank. You have my highest trust- and more than 100% attention. Like our American professional athletes- I will give 110% for this payoff. Here is the information you requested, aside from a fax number- unfortunately, I do not have a fax machine- but I will soon enough. Get it? Because I'll be so rich, I'll buy one.

Name: skybalon
Age: 66 (March 10, 1940)
Occupation: Ass Kicker
Nationality: Amer'kin
Phone: XXX-XXXX


God bless you, and thanks for thinking of me. But don't forget about my concerns regarding our split and the check. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely
skybalon

YES!! I Am So Rich

Dear Friend skybalon,
 
I'm very happy for your willingness to handle this transaction with me.For your information, every information about the deceased customer are intact, i will direct you on what to do after you apply to the bank, every documents will be issued to you by the bank before the fund will transfer to your account, don't be afraid because this deal is real and i agreed with you let us move ahead.
 
I contacted you to stand as the next of kin to the deceased customer and stand as the cousin so that the bank will release the fund to your name and move it to your private account in your country or any country you know that will be safe because it's God who directed me to you, I want you to please keep this transaction confidential until this fund get into your account.
 
Like I told you in my proposal that one of our deceased customer left this fund in our bank since almost five years now and no body has ever come for the claim since that time, that's why I have decided to contact you as a foreign partner to solidly stand on the claim as the next of kin so that the money will be transfer to your private account because the bank want to move the money into banking treasurer as unclaimed fund after five years which the five years will complete by ending of this year, please i don't want this money to enter into bank treasurer because i believe that this is the only opportunity God give me in the position i have in the bank. So i wouldn't like to lose it.
 
You must be ready and arrange your self because we must follow the normal banking process to perfect the smooth transfer of the fund to your account. I want the fund to be transferred to your account within (10 working days) I contacted you because i am not capable of handling this deal alone. Be rest assured that this deal is 100% risk-free. I promised to use my position in the bank to perfect the smooth transfer of the fund direct to your account after approval.
 
I have all information about the deceased customer all you have to do is to apply to the bank as the next of kin then let's see the reaction of the bank. I will send the application form to you which you will fill and apply direct to bank as soon as i receive your positive answer. I demand the highest trust from you and 100% attention to enable us get the money without any funther delay.
 
Meanwhile, Send to me your personal information's like, your name in full,Age,Nationality, Occupation, your private Telephone and Fax numbers also your personal picture photograph to enable me know whom I’m dealing with.
 
I am Looking forward to hear from you.
Dr Samailla.
+226 7657 5118

I'm Blogtarded

The internets and the type of communication it can foster seem sometimes duplicitous. Aside from hiding behind anonymous or false identities, we also say things that we know are not true. If I were ever to say LOL- I bet I would not actually be LingOL. Those of you that do use that particular expression I am sure are more often than not lying.

But here is something that did make me laugh out loud, and spit powdered sugar and filo crust on my lap and keyboard at the same time.

Sorry, you may have to watch a commercial to see it.

So the internets foster deception, and now that I think about, have us waste time making and watching things like this.

Everything's Coming Up Skybaloncont'd

Dear Dr. SAMAILLA NUHU
I am glad to hear from you, but I should say, I am not surprised at all. I have just finished reading the Prayer of Jabez and knew that something to "enlarge my territory" was bound to come my way.

It's curious that the Burkina Faso Chamber of Commerce would have my email address or that any of my kin would have been killed in Liberia, but we know the Lord works in mysterious ways.

I am very eager to participate in this transfer of funds but wonder why I only get 45% of the 25.6 million. It seems that I deserve more, especially since this is an answer to prayer and I am an American. I don't mean that I deserve more simply because I am an American. You should know, that the $6,000,000 or so I would receive after taxes is hardly worth anything in my country. I understand that from your perspective this might seem like a large sum. Well, I am happy to tell you it isn't. I could hardly achieve the measure of life and largesse I see out my window with only $6,000,000. A house alone could eat up more than half of that. It seems only fair then, that I get a larger percentage, perhaps as much as 85%.

Before you say, "No," consider how much 15% is worth to you given your country's per capita GDP. I bet nearly $4,000,000 for you would go further in Burkina Faso than the $7,000,000 for me in Southern California. I could try to explain the vagaries of our global economy or the "dollar a day" rule of my purchasing power versus yours, but I'm afraid there is just no real way for you to relate to such wealth. Let's just say the split you suggest is untenable. It's another one of those divine mysteries.

So, yes. Let's split that money, but before we do I have a few questions I hope you can answer:
1.) I am confused, am I really the next of kin or are we pretending I am the next of kin (wink)?
2.) Do you agree to the 85-15 split I suggested?
3.) Can we arrange that I be paid with one of those big foam-core novelty checks?

I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Thank you for being an answer to prayer; I look forward to you answering my questions and me sending whatever sensitive information you request.

Sincerely
-skybalon

Everything's Coming Up Skybalon

From : DR SAMAILLA NUHU
Reply-To : drsnuhu1980@yahoo.fr
Sent : Saturday, October 14, 2006 4:03 PM
Subject : REPLY BACK IMMEDIATELY.

Dear Friend,

(I am DR SAMAILLA NUHU, From Ouagadougou Burkina Faso) I know that this letter may come to you as a surprise.I got your address through Burkina Faso chambers and commerce.I must apologise for taking some of your valuable time to explain a proposal, that I believe will be of utmost benefit to us. I need your help and urgent assistance in transfering the sum of $25,600 000.00 USD(Twentyfive Million,Six Hundred Thousand US Dollars)to your account immediately, the fund belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his surposed next of kin in a war zone liberia on 15/6/2001.

Our bank banking law and guideline stipulated that if such money remains unclaimed after five years the money will be transfered into the bank treasurere as unclaimed fund. The request of a foreigner to be next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that the deceased customer was a
foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to make this type of claim.

The five years will complete by ending of this year,that is why I as a worker in my department want to release the money to you as the nearest person to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for the claim because I don't want the fund to be transferred into Bank treasurere as unclaimed fund. I will give you 40% of the total sum for the provision of foreign account and 55%will be for me while 5% will be set aside for any mislenious expenses incurred during the business.

This transaction is 100% risk-free on both side and has no atom of negativity,for I have made all the required arrangement for the transfer of this fund to your account. Please I would like you to keep this transaction very confidential as you may wish to know that i am a Bank officer.

I will send you more details as soon as i get a positive reply from you.
DR SAMAILLA NUHU.
(Bill and Exhange Manager)

What The Hell Is Wrong With Us?

Really.

The title is not rhetorical. What better day to ask that than today? Well, I guess if you don't ask today, you still have tomorrow. But I wouldn't take it for granted. So how about today? What the hell is wrong with us? I can think of two things: pretending we're good and apologizing rather than repenting when we can no longer pretend. Oh I'm sure that's not all- but I bet confessing those two things would go a long way in clearing the brush towards others.

If you live under a rock, or are someone who avoids the media because you are too cool for TV or figure avoiding the media somehow preserves your soul (what are you doing reading this?) you may not know that a Florida Congressman has resigned amid evidence of sexually harassing (at least) children participating in the Congressional Page program. Now you know. There, you still get to live under a rock and stay cool (though reading my interblog is very not cool), however, I cannot speak to the purity of your soul. But at least you know.

I've heard a couple of people, almost gleefully, point out the irony of a man so wrapped up in issues of combatting pedophilia himself being caught as a pedophile. I'm sure that is ironic- or maybe "justice of the unicorn." But I don't know that the irony matters all that much- especially if pointing out the irony is some veiled way of saying "See, nobody should tell anybody else that 'such and such' is bad."

There does seem to be a weird phenomenon of people harping on that which is secretly killing them- I may secretly be struggling with being a closet Republican. Perhaps. That's something, but not what I particularly care about right now. Right now it's those other things that stand out to me.

At first, Mark Foley said questions about his emails and relationships with pages were part of a despicable and desperate attack by his opponent. Of course, as is the case in many instances of sexual assault, upon hearing the news, other victims felt emboldened to speak when they realized they weren't alone and someone else could go to bat for them. So more kids did come forward and Foley resigned. Foley resigned, offered a vague apology and said he has checked himself into rehab. That's great if he's an alcoholic, but what does that have to do with harassing Congressional pages? If I get drunk, I start talking too loud.

He's not the first alcoholic so that's a lame defense. Unless of course every alcoholic is also a sexual predator (just so you know- they're not). The move seems to be made for locating the responsibility for who and what he is somewhere other than with him- it's the booze. Even that doesn't understand what is at the core of 12 Step style rehabs- you're the problem- not the booze.

Where do we get this idea that bad actions somehow originate from someone other than our selves? Oh, that's silly, I have an idea of its origin. But I wish we could stop being confused about what it is to be good. I'm a good person, I just happened to use my position of power to stalk children, I'm a good person, I just bully the one person of color in the room, I'm a good person, I just lie a lot. And when finally caught- we have some sort of defense to offer: I was drunk, I didn't know a confederate flag meant that, I'm protecting your family, Matt. We offer an apology; not repentance.

The other thing is, it seems that many people in power knew Mark Foley was the Congressman to avoid in the page program. It seems that there is an understanding that there are a few congress-people you don't want to serve under. But for the sake of covering your own- or at least your party's- ass, people looked the other way. For the sake of team spirit, people looked the other way while who knows what was/is going on. For the sake of team spirit we call torture interrogation (ha ha I threw it in).

Again that horrible sensibility has reared its head: when we do it, it's okay; and if it's too horrible to even pretend it's not, then we'll just look the other way or give it another name.

So there we go. How's your soul? How is our soul? How's my heavy handed harangue? Ohh, how's my alliteration?

Oh, and Reading won.

If I Wasn't Upset Before... I Have a Bill Moyers Interview In My Podcast Queue
Something -The Beatles
The 59th Street Bridge -Simon and Garfunkle
Oye Como Va -Tito Puente
I'll Be Your Baby -Bob Dylan
Black Math -The White Stripes
I Like Food -Descendants
London Calling -The Clash
Flamenco Sketches -Miles Davis