Glendora Police: Protecting and Serving RaiderNation

Well Tuesday-Thursday came and went without a post and somehow we all made it through.

So here's the weekend in a thousand words.This is pretty much the best picture in the world. The only thing that could make it better is a boy and a goat playing on a trampoline.




Tuesday Cyndi and I had to go to court because we were being sued by some rude people who either thought we were rich or had more insurance than we do. They were after us for about $50,000 dollars. In case you're American, that's a lot of money. If you knew the details of the accident, and were me, you would probably have some horrible things to say about them but I would tell you to mellow out.

I got into an accident back in 2003. It was a non-injury accident and my car had minimal damage. The other guy's car was a mess though. The entire passenger side of his car was scraped or dented from the front to rear fender. That's right, just scraped and dented. It was a very minor accident, or I guess a major fender bender, but everyone was okay. Nobody went to the hospital, nobody got hurt. His car was obviously going to need a lot of body work, but there were no screeching tires, no air bags deployed, not even a skid mark- just a guy that initially wanted to fight me. I guess I should've let him punch me because he later decided that he should sue us. We've known since June and since then, off and on, I would worry about it. And off and on I would pray about it.

Okay I'm going to subject myself to a bit of scrutiny here, it might sound weird, but I kinda' pray all the time. However, I'm not the guy who goes around asking for a bunch of stuff or outcomes that clearly favor me. If I ask for anything, its' for the ability to conform to what God wants and whatever I need to do what I'm supposed to do. I don't know if that passes Evangelical muster but that's me right now. I like to know what to do, and when I'm praying, it's often for that.

For example, my wife and I can't have a baby. We don't know why. She's had miscarriages and no one can seem to tell us why. My sperm does what it's supposed to do, and does it quite well according to doctors. My wife's parts are all in order, and we have sex. But no babies. No one can tell us why.

I want babies. Cyndi wants babies. God knows we want babies, but still, no babies. All I know to do is keep having sex and hope for a baby, but at the same time know that we may never have biological children.

As sad as I get about that, or even when I'm nostalgic for things that never were, I'm glad about who/ where/ what I am. It's not a matter of "focusing" on the positive, or pretending there's is nothing to be sad about. Neither is it a matter of looking at crap and saying it's not the big smelly steaming pile of crap that it is. I mean in the bigger picture, I see it all, or I think I at least see as much as I can, there... or here.. or wherever it is. I want babies, but more than that I want to be who God wants me to be. That guy might have bilogical children or not, adopted children or not, kids that just come to live with us 'cos they need a place to stay or not. I don't know.

So we were being sued and I didn't know how to pray for the whole mess or even what the right thing to do was. To be honest, all I knew was that I didn't know anything except that we would be okay. So our court date was coming. God knew what I wanted to do but I had no idea what God wanted to do. Really all I knew was whatever happened happened. And what happened was they settled for a very small amount (comparatively) and our lawyer forgot to tell us. Seriously. They settled for $6500, a generous appraisal of the cost of their car, but it slipped our lawyer's mind to tell us. Well, it slipped the insurance company's lawyer's mind to tell us. To coin an Evangelical phrase, "It was a God Thing." But then again, it would still be a "God Thing" if we were in the hole fifty large. It's a "God Thing" that we don't have a baby. It'll be a "God Thing" if we do.

I haven't said every thing is a "God Thing." In fact I only use that phrase to obliquely poke fun at the idea of saying winning the Amazing Race is a "God Thing" but losing it would be the devil's work, or to subtly counter the idea that filling your womb with a dozen embryos and having a litter of children is somehow more God's will than not.

I am with God, that's what I know. I am in God, so sue me. In all of creation right now, any one of us knows pain. And any one of us can imagine ourselves alone in suffering.

If there were such a thing as the Christ, he wouldn’t allow this type of suffering, the worst there is, our suffering, to exist. If the Christ were real, none of us would be suffering the way we are. That is, we would think that if we could even conceive of any suffering other than our own. So we mostly, most often, lead our lives desperately pursuing our own relief. And eventually in one way or another vainly demand, “Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!” It falls short, we get no answer, so we press on to the next vanity, looking for relief: more knowledge, deeper thinking, a better job, a bigger house, a better church, a life with purpose, a death with meaning, always looking for something to dull our senses, but always frustrated because creation seems so resistant to treating us as its center and relieving our pain. Then we die, knowing neither God nor ourselves, knowing only that despite our best efforts, despite all of our striving and desire for "God Thing" moments where we get what we want, death wins. Ha ha. Unless, of course that's not the way it is.

Oh, another thing. Last night on route 66 I saw a Glendora PD convention behind a black SUV. I have no idea why the couple was pulled over or what they did that required they sit on the curb rather than in their car. I also don't know why it took so many cops to pull over and then let go what looked to be a teenage couple. Not knowing any of that I am not going to say it happened because they were brown. It may be that the GPD loves the Raiders too and they want to have a tailgate party with every black or silver SUV and truck in Glendora with a Raiders window decal driven by a Latino. Whatever the reason for the line of cops, driving by, I was struck with an interesting idea: I think it would be fun to find out how often the GPD uses multiple units to pull over minorities versus non-minorities and young people versus older. I don't know how to do that though. So, any muckrakers out there can use this idea.

Do what you need to do, you don't even have to credit me as your inspiration, but find out how often Glendora uses single units for traffic stops, how often they use multiple police units in traffic stops and why. Maybe compare the demographic information between them all and get radio traffic transcripts to see what they say that leads to four units being necessary rather than one. It should be interesting and maybe even get you as the plaintiff in a civil rights law suit against a town that could probably use one. Wouldn't that be cool?

In other news: I'm taking my computer in to be fixed so I may not post for a while. That's just as well I suppose. I have a few hundred pages to read between now and Tuesday. Be good.

Good Day To You

When Cyndi and I get a divorce I get a goat. I'm going to feel really horrible about writing that if we really do get a divorce- I'll probably feel pretty bad anyway so I don't think I'll change it. Anyway, I love goats- as food or pets, but right now I can only have them as food.


Other than what looks to be poop on the trampoline, does anything look like more fun than this?

That's all until Tuesday. I'm leaving town.

Elvis Was A Hero to Most...

Alright I need a boring set up- It's a bit disingenuous for Alito to say he doesn't remember anything about his membership with CAP. Back in the 80's he proudly claimed membership in the organization to get a job. Remember he was applying to work in an administration that began its candidacy in Philadelphia, Mississippi all a flutter with "state's rights" (read: "outside agitators can't tell us how to treat our coloreds"). Oh if you don't know, Philadelphia, Miss is where three civil rights workers were murdered and buried in an earthen dam with impunity. That's all Philadelphia is known for. It's only historic significance is as the place where Southerners took a bold stand against the over-reaching federal government by killing three college kids who were registering people to vote. That's the place Reagan announced his presidential candidacy.

I doubt Alito's a hood-wearing racist (he couldn't be even if he wanted to, he's Catholic), but back in the day he was glad to be in an organization that thought women and minorities would ruin Princeton and gay Princeton students should be used as experiment subjects. Other people did the same thing, but other people (Bill Bradley for example) realized it was a mistake and repudiated their involvement with the group.

It was worth something to the Meese DOJ to be this type of "conservative." Maybe Alito thinks better of it now, maybe he doesn't, but his unwillingness to confront this element of his past says as much or maybe even more than simply belonging to the group does.

Anyway that's not what this is about. This is about being inspired to categorize types of racism and racists. I think it's going to be a work in progress. I've seen other people have typological quizzes for this kind of thing, like "Which Sponge Bob character are you?" I'm too lazy to come up with something like that right now, but maybe later when it's more developed I'll have a way for you to see just what kind of racist you are. Because, believe me, you are some kind of racist. And won't it be nice when someone says, "Geez, what kind of racist are you?!" -you can answer, "Oh, well I'm a Federline racist. Thanks for asking."?

First things first-
First, some people say it's only possible for white people to be racist. In a nutshell, they say this because they think power is a necessary element of racism and only white people have power. That is, you need to have the power to implement your bigoted views. I tend to think that's wrong because a.) we all have power to affect other people b.) Latinos are among some of the most racist people I have ever encountered (but that's probably because my family tends to be Latino and my family is whom I have encountered for most of my life- ahh Cha Cha and her stories of Los Negritos) and c.) racism is sin and as sin it is a power that destroys the self even if you are powerless to inflict it upon anyone else. So I guess power is a necessary element but it doesn't only have to do with political power.

Second, race doesn't even exist. Colors and cultures exist, sure. There are differences among people. But the idea of categorizing race is not the same as categorizing vertebrates and invertebrates. Race as a biological descriptor is about as meaningful as phrenology. That being said I am going to categorize racists, but understand that I will be categorizing people by their response to color and culture rather than their perception of some imagined invisible genetic traits. Though how someone sees those created traits will play into what type of racist they are. Phew.

Obviously I won't be finishing this now, but just for starters, I'll give you what I've got. Without any explanation here's some categories- "Sleep With the Help" racist, "They're Just Good at It" racist, the "Would You Want to Live Next to Them?" racist, "You Know- The Tall Guy With Curly Hair Wearing the Red Shirt Standing By the Door" racist, "She's Very Articulate" racist, and the "I'm Just Sayin' They Should Learn English" racist.

What Color Is The Playlist?
Teach Your Children- Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
7 Sixes- Hieroglyphics
Toreador Song- Carmen
Step Behind- Tripping Daisy
Turn Your LIghts Down Low- Bob Marley
Life During Wartime- Talking Heads
Mr. Day- John Coltrane

We Know That In Everything God Works For Good With Those Who Love Him

We knew we were a good distance from the hub for great DSL service. That's why Verizon doesn't offer it for our neighborhood, they'd just rather avoid the customer service problems and say, "No" then offer garbage and later say, "Sorry." Earthlink on the other hand has no problem subleasing the lines and offering discounted DSL service. Well, you get what you pay for and the technician laughed that we're paying anything for the speed of our info. transfer. So I have to buy a new modem if I want things to work again out here in the boonies of Glendora. Or this might be the moment Cyndi and I decide to get cable.

Imagine how more well versed I'll be in the goings on and machinations of our culture with cable TV. It boggles the mind- I mean already look how I am the vanguard of our cultural experience. Case in point: yesterday I said, obliquley at least, in the face of everything the MSM is saying, that the whole Abramoff mess is a uniquely Republican scandal. And now today, after Blitzer's exchange with Dean,* people are opening their eyes to that fact. Oh no, what if instead of being above the din- I am seduced by the white noise of cable TV?

I guess that's a concern, but no more is being monitored a worry. Once again, I learned that I shouldn't complain or suspect the worst from people.

Wife of Skybalon: When did I get this message about student teaching?
Skybalon: I don't remember. I told you the other day but I left the paper on the counter
Wife of Skybalon: I don't remember you telling me
Skybalon: Well I did-
Wife of Skybalon: When did you write this?
Skybalon: I don't remember? I just found it today in a stack of papers and put it back by the phone when I was cleaning the drawer
Wife of Skybalon: When did he call?
Skybalon: I don't know, sometime last week. But I know I told you
Wife of Skybalon: I don't remember you telling me

phone rings

Skybalon: Hello
Voice: Let me see... here it is: January 4th- Subject's wife arrives at residence at 1743... greetings exchanged... is informed she has messages. Subject does not specify if these messages are written or on answering machine
Skybalon: What?
Voice: You told her she had messages but she may not have thought to look for written messages in addition to those on your machine.
Skybalon: What?
Voice: Plus a written message would easily get lost in that pile of papers you have by your phone
Skybalon: Who is this?
Wife of Skybalon: Who you talking to?
Skybalon: I dunno but he says I told you
Wife of Skybalon: Who is this?
Voice: He told you, but it looks like you put the mail on top of the messages he wrote down for you.
Skybalon's Wife: Oh...
Voice: And tell him he's intermingling non CRV glass with the CRV recyclables. They won't take it like that. Have a good night.
Wife of Skybalon: Okay... thanks... bye.

See- everything's great.

*If you are unfamiliar with the exchange (the transcripts don't do justice to Blitzer's hemming and hawing), on Sunday, Dean pretty much surprised Blitzer with facts about the Abramoff scandal being peculiar to Republicans. To be sure, there is plenty of scandal and corruption among Democrats, and politicians in general, but this time only one gang got caught.

I wonder why an independent journalist would be using RNC talking points in his work. That's weird. It's a good thing there are so many liberal media outlets to tell us there is a liberal bias in the media. Otherwise events like this might make someone think journalists like Blitzer are simply mouthpieces for a particular party.

Four Hour Window

I have technicians (that sounds scary) coming to my house at some point today to see if my DSL connection can be fixed. That should be the perfect opportunity for government operatives to fill my house with all kinds of monitoring equipment.

In a reply to a comment the other day I mentioned why I would not find it incredible to discover I am being monitored by some government agency... maybe the Glendora Unified SD PTA or the LA County library. I listed the various bits of info. that taken alone are pretty mundane, but considered all together could suggest something more nefarious to the paranoid (hey that's me, I'm the paranoid).

I would bet, at the very least, the illegal persistent cookies in my browser from the various .govs I visit, and my subsequent visits to Christian Peacemaker Teams, and Al Jazeera would earn an honorable mention. I hope you checked out the links. Let me know if you experience any difficulties with your electronic communication devices in the near future.

Maybe I'm being monitored, maybe not. It's not likely, but also not an impossibility. To be honest it would be quite flattering. In any case, by the end of the day I hope my DSL is working again, the vans in the street are gone, and the faint beeping and clicking on the phone line are cleared up.

Thanks iTunes
Tonight, Tonight- Smashing Pumpkins
Rock Lobster- The B-52's
The Big Country- Talking Heads
My Beloved Monster- The Eels
Muzzle of Bees- Wilco
Island In The Sun- Weezer
As Ugly As I Seem- The White Stripes
Italian Leather Sofa- Cake
Crazy- Patsy Cline

(Gesturing Thumb's Down)Thpbthpbthpbthpb

The Book of Daniel (the TV show, not the book of the Bible) was lame. I'm not a fan of the 6 Feet Housewives formula where evil is portrayed as wackiness and the frailty and struggles of being human are simply hijink fodder. Don't get me wrong, adultery, drug addictions, racism and what not can be funny. They're hilarious in my family, but making it funny or even watchable takes an understanding of love, intimacy, and involvement with the characters that Daniel and most other shows lack. Maybe that isn't possible in an Episcopalian context (oh burn) or maybe writing lines for the characters that make it seem as if they've just met each other doesn't really suggest "family." Just like in real life, intimacy is hard to develop and doesn't show itself in one-liners. And just like in real life, it's pretty stupid if Jesus only shows up as a Greek chorus.

I wanted it to be a good show, if only to spite the AFA and add another line to my reasons not to live in Terre Haute or Little Rock list. Oh well, my TV dance card was full anyway.

Speaking of frailty and the struggle of being human, the ethically unencumbered former House Speaker Newt Gingrich was on NPR this morning offering some fresh insight on the various government scandals we're hearing about these days. Did you know that absolute power corrupts absolutely? That's what Newt says. That's insightful isn't it? I don't know if you have ever had the opportunity to ponder that chestnut. Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Read that again... but don't go back, I'll write it out again: power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Strangely he wasn't referring to an executive office that imagines it is its own absolute authority- that it is above the law in anything it does. That's fine and doesn't lead to anything scandalous. He wanted you and me to understand that if absolute power corrupts absolutely, then the monster Big Government corrupts... well... more absolutely, so that Democrats are the most corrupt of all. That's right, the former speaker who nimbly maneuvered between his campaign of battling the Big Government monster and bringing Coast Guard money to his own landlocked home district was explaining that the Republican politicians selling representation to Republican Jack Abramoff in a Republican controlled Congress through the K Street money conduit perfected by Republican design were the victims of the multi-tentacled Government Beast of Democratic power and graft. I know that's hacky but get the point.

Newt is a company man to be sure so I wouldn't expect him to say something more even handed than what he said on Morning Edition, but his explanation is nonsense. Not just because of its bald-faced partisanship, but because of his attempt to identify corruption as something external. I guess if you're Newt it would be nice to forget or explain away the way you came to and fell from prominence or the unique way you left your first wife and found the second.

Can an adulterer blame the attractiveness of someone of the opposite sex for their sin, or a thief the allure of an easy score? Of course they can, and they do. Newt does. He, and anyone else who uses this expression imagines it's the situation that ruins. But is that true? Do you really imagine that the power do do something is the agent that corrupts? Is it your ability to right now seek out a pornographic site rather than read the wholesome goodness of my blog that corrupts? Is it the ease with which you could kill someone, or steal something that is to blame? Is it the power or the ability to do something that is responsible? Or is it the person that is corrupt?

Lullabye- Ben Fold's Five
Macho Insecurity- Dead Kennedys
Adagio For Strings- Boston Phil.
Lullaby- The Cure
Shelter From The Storm- Bob Dylan
A Night In Tunisia- Dizzy Gillespie
My Doorbell- The White Stripes
It's Oh So Quiet- Bjork
Take Me Out- Franz Ferdinand
Let's Get It On- Marvin Gaye
Geek USA- Smashing Pumpkins
Louder Than A Bomb- Public Enemy
Gigantic- The Pixies

Fun, Laughs, Good Time

Speaking of cultural insight, The American Family Association is already protesting NBC's The Book of Daniel. I don't know if it's a good show or not. I do know you can't see it in Little Rock or Terre Haute. I do know the show's creator has said, "It's about a family that loves each other unconditionally and is ready to catch each other when they fall. I was always very clear with the writers and actors that this was never meant to make fun of or mock Christianity. It was always a show about people of faith who believe in Jesus Christ as their savior." Hmmm, that sounds kind of gay to me. Well, maybe not, but the shows creator is gay and the AFA said this offends them.

The AFA has also said "this was not a realistic portrayal of a minister's life." But Doc on the PAX network "is a realistic portrayal of a good doctor with a mullet," and "The Father Dowling Mysteries is a realistic portrayal "of Tom Bosley and a nun fighting crime." Well they didn't actually say those last two things but they really like those shows and I guess realism is one of their criteria for likeability.

(Quick Interrupt: I am in Starbucks and across from me is a slick business guy type in his late 30's or early 40's. He just pulled out his phone to call someone and say, "Dude, you wouldn't believe these chicks that just walked in... These chicks are so hot.")

So I'll be watching The Book of Daniel tonight at 9 on NBC.

Fool, This Night Your Soul Is Required of You*

So Pat Robertson says God gave a 70-some year old man a stroke because he sought to divide Israel. Robertson was sure to say he knew Sharon, he liked Sharon, but that didn't do him any good because the prophet Joel wrote "I will gather the old people and bring them down to a Jerusalem hospital, I will enter into judgment with them there, I will clot the blood of the old and cloud the vision of doctors, I will hemorrhage the brain on account of my people and my heritage Israel, because they have scattered them among the nations and have divided up my land." Well, that's not exactly what's written, but Pat says that's the gist of it. Anyway, from this we see it's not up to Pat. If it were up to him he'd let Sharon live. But God clearly said He wants Sharon dead.

You know how scoffers say, "Well if God can do anything, couldn't He have quietly killed Hitler with a blood clot or something, couldn't we have avoided the Holocaust?" Well this answers that question for all those who doubt the power of God. See? God can and does kill people with blood clots. God is battling doctors right now to kill Sharon with a blood clot because God doesn't want the land divided. God didn't kill Hitler with a blood clot because God wanted homosexuals, old people, the physically disabled, the mentally disabled, gypsies, Jews, communists, the mentally ill, and Jehovah's Witnesses all dead. Oh and Poland, Denmark, Norway, Romania, France, Czechoslovakia, Austria, regions of North Africa, Greece, Belgium, the Netherlands, and Holland weren't doing a good job of governing themselves. Does that sound stupid? I hope so- because it is. It is very, very stupid.

So there we have it. Once again, Pat Robertson said something inanely stupid. That shouldn't be a surprise. First of all, everybody else does too. We all have our moments; we all say stupid, misinformed, mean-spirited, foolish things. Some more than others, because some are more stupid, misinformed, mean-spirited, and foolish than others. That's not an excuse for anyone, it's just what happens. Oh but when I do it, I'm being ironic.

Anyway Pat Robertson has already shown his cards. We know he says wacky and mean things. I don't know why he does this. I can speculate- I do speculate, but that's all. In any case I think it would be nice if there was as clear a Christian voice saying something better- or at least something not so stupid. But then maybe that wouldn't help- or maybe that can't even be. I mean a better response couldn't offer a concise answer or the resolution people want. It doesn't offer finality. Unless it's real to you, a cross as response to evil doesn't make much sense and rather than ending or answering things, it seems to move things forward and rattle us free from the things we thought were answers- giving us just enough to move on.

I don't know. It could be that Ariel Sharon had a stroke immediately because he orchestrated the Gaza pullout even though the Bible doesn't say this. Then again it might not be the case. Pat seems to have decided to live as if the former were true and that seems to make quite a difference. So kill Hugo Chavez, don't call on God when bad things happen to you because you rejected Him via your state education standards, and God gave Ariel Sharon his stroke. That's coming from some place.

Interestingly, Pat Robertson hadn't been hosting his show for a while. Did you know that ? (Remember- I watch the 700 Club.) I guess he'd been on vacation, and in the now well established Evangelical tradition represented by Schuller, Osteen, and Roberts, Robertson gave the reigns to his son. Boring.

But Pat's back, and so is his erudite Biblical scholarship and cultural insight. And boy did he come out of the gate on fire. I think it's only been a week and already he's a lead story. How about that?

Coming From Party Shuffle
Wang Dang Doodlee- Howlin' Wolf
Where Is My Mind?- The Pixies
What The F*** Are We Saying- Lenny Kravitz
Big Spender-Fosse Ensemble
I Me Mine- The Beatles
Johhny Hit and Run Paulene- X
Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me- The Smiths
She Loves Me- Descendants
Please, Please, Please- James Brown
Sunshine of Your Love- Cream
Thriller- Michael Jackson
Ziggy Stardust-David Bowie

*What does this have to do with anything?

Then Why Do I?

Is a WARNING necessary? I dunno. If it is, this is it.

I was meeting my friend at noon but to miss traffic, well to make sure I got there by noon, I left Glendora at 7AM. I actually made it in less than two hours, so used the extra time to walk around and see what had changed and what remained.

Walking next to me, towards the crosswalk, was a guy with his eyes fixed on his cell phone. He didn't notice, or maybe care, that the light was still red. He stepped into the street, eyes still on the phone, but jumped back to the sidewalk in response to an almost too late warning honk. The light changed, we crossed the street but he thought it was important to flip off the guy that almost hit him. The guy that almost hit him thought it was important to slam on the brakes and flip him off back. The angry guy said, "What!? roll, bitch, roll!" Fast driver rolled, but not away from Angry Guy. Instead he started backing up. Angry guy kept walking- away from Fast Driver who, I guess, was waiting for Angry Guy to go fight him. But Angry Guy kept walking. So I said to him, "I guess it's hard to flip people off if you're dead."

Showing the same mental quickness that found him in the street to begin with, he responded, "Rolling his bitch car in front of me- just drive, just drive, fucker." I never heard that construction before- "bitch car." I would've said, "ride," or, "bitch-ass car," or maybe even "bitch-ass ride." I thought that would match the tone of "Roll, bitch, roll." But maybe Angry Guy knew better than I.

Anyway, I said, "Well at least you're not dead." Culling from the foremost of ancient wisdom, Angry Guy said, "I don't give a fuck." So what do you say to that? I said, "Oh well, I guess not."

Sometimes, I really miss living in a more metropolitan area.

And That Has Made All The Difference

I pretended to be homeless for a while in college. Rather than throw a few thousand dollars at a lease in Isla Vista, I bought and lived in a Volkswagen bus. Even though I technically did not have a residence I always had a place to go. I worked in a kitchen so didn't worry about food; I showered in a gym or in dorms. And even though they were probably just being polite, anytime someone said, "Dude, you can totally crash at our place," I did. It seemed to give me a sort of lefty street cred and lots of sympathy with girls. So I wasn't really homeless, I was more of a Bohemian bon vivant sleeping in a van.

But even though I was pretending, it was still a bit more of a living by the seat of my pants lifestyle than say... well I don't know... something else. In any case it makes me think I'm a little soft now. But even in being soft, I wonder if I may be more "streety" than not. I went back to my college town to get together with a friend. We try to get together about once a year and that is where we do it. So there I was, waiting. While I waited, sitting in front of the museum watching people, I wondered where I fit in the spectrum of Western humanity that has at one end the unshaved guy sitting 10 feet from me wearing multiple layers of clothing, holding a stack of books bound by a rubber band, muttering to himself about the variations in atomic vibration and at the other end the guy walking purposefully past me in his pressed pants, starched pastel shirt, and contrasting solid color tie, muttering to someone else, "... we don't need to republish all the copy because it comes from... "

And while I was sitting and thinking, I was interrupted...

Someone Else: Are you training to be an ordained minister?
Skybalon: No I don't have any plans to be ordained.
Someone Else: What do you do?
Skybalon: I'm a student -I study philosophy of religion and theology
Someone Else: Really? I'm Hindi studies?
Skybalon: Really?
Someone Else: No not really. So you go to UCSB.
Skybalon: Not anymore-
Someone Else- Tell me the truth, let me tell you, why philosophy- it is so inaccessible, who is it for? Tell me, what do we have, with the history of philosophers, with all they've written, where are we, who do you have in mind?
Skybalon: Do you mean- if we were to walk up to somebody here and hand them some Wittgenstein, what would he mean to them?
Someone Else: I'm coming from Princeton- We want you to read this and find meaning- but you know at the heart of American Fundamentalism- Modern Anti-semitism is the child of American Fundamentalism and that is a product of Princeton-
Skybalon: Ha Anti-semitism is the 6th point.
Someone Else: It is, and there is too much religion in America and it's this religion that is controlling so many people.

...After Some Time...

Someone Else: You have to understand that this isn't about you. We might come to you and say you're needed in the State Department. You might always be a Quaker but you have to choose. You need to know that the State Department is where you should be.
Skybalon: ...
Someone Else: I'm not fucking around... It was nice to meet you.

Two Things

A tree fell in the Stater Bros. parking lot yesterday. It's still there today.

And

If it means anything I had my 1000th visitor since November something or other. I wish it had been the person searching "electrocute his balls" but it wasn't. That was #1003. Jon Shoe was 1000. Congratulations Jon Shoe, you win a $50 gift card to Barnes and Noble. You'll be using it to buy some of my books for next semester. Well done, sir.

I'm Definitely Not Wearing My Underwear

WARNING: References to genitalia, buttocks, and undegarments follow

What does it mean if your wife buys you women's underwear? What does it mean if you wear this underwear, and it fits better than the underwear you normally wear? I think I am wearing women's underwear. I hadn't noticed before, but a pair of boxers* Cyndi bought me is very different from the underwear I normally wear. They are cut differently from my verifiable men's boxers; they are a soft flannel, they have a fake fly. They are sized differently than my traditional men's underwear. They flare at the hips and fit snugger in the crotch. Even with that they feel fine. In fact in warmer weather, when things are sweatier, these offer a nice support and absorption that I didn't know I was missing. They are a nice middle ground between the floppy boxers I usually wear and the boxer brief style Klingons I saved for playing soccer. I only recently noticed the bright pink label and started connecting the dots. So I'm cross dressing.

Unless they're really men's underwear trying to unnaturally be women's underwear. Maybe it is only possible for boxers to be for men and the designer of these is trying to subvert the natural essence of boxers by offering them to women. It's really the women who might wear these that are doing something unnatural. Or maybe they're just underwear and it doesn't matter who wears them as long as they are worn.

So I have to ask Cyndi where she got these boxers. It may be that they were in the men's underwear section but I don't know if that mitigates the apparent design. Given the physical features and the cultural implications of a pink tag, it seems these boxers were designed by their creator for women. But then I fit into these boxers better than I fit into some boxers that were unmistakably designed for men. Then again the packaging of those men's boxers can just as easily, or even more sensibly, be said to be targeting women; whereas the packaging of the lady gift boxers didn't have the romance novel cover look. So even if Cyndi reveals that these were bought in a "men's department," I'm still back where I started: wearing ambiguous underwear.



Gender Neutral Playlist?
Don't Pick It Up- The Offspring
She Came In Through The Bathroom Window-The Beatles
Please Me Like You Want To- Ben Harper
Time On My Hands- San Getz
Zero- Smashing Pumpkins
Cold Lampin' With Flavor- Public Enemy
Fell In Love With a Girl- The White Stripes
Rock Is Dead- Marilyn Manson
Ride The Wild-Descendants
I Wanna Be Your Lover- Prince
Peace Through Power- TSOL
Mack The Knife- Bobby Darin
But Not For Me- Sarah Vaughan
This Fire- Franz Ferdinand
Good Vibrations- The Beach Boys

* I've always thought designating pants, shorts, and underwear as a pair of anything was weird. But it turns out at one time pants did come in pairs, one for each leg fastened together by a cinch, belt or some other contraption, like chaps. Now, we tend to not buy pants like that though some are still made that way. Pants are the leg covering, so as long as you are covering two legs separately (unlike the way a skirt or dress would) you have a pair of pants. So that's why coolots is a plural word too. And since a thong covers almost nothing, well it covers something but it certainly does not cover the legs, it is a single thong that flosses the perineum, ergo it is a thong and not a pair of thongs.

But in English English pants means panties- the undergarments- and trousers refers to American English pants. While some underpants do cover portions of the leg- like my women's boxers for example, others do not- like bikini cut briefs.Past the crease of the pelvis is not a part of the leg. It is the pelvis, and before you say the buttocks are parts of the leg note that the buttocks end where the legs begin. So even though buttocks and legs may be joined together as are the US and Mexico by some NAFTAesque description of the body, they are nonetheless separated by the friendly horizontal gluteal crease. And, undergarments like bikini briefs can be made from a single tube rather than two pants joined together. It is a single pelvis being covered by a single article of clothing. Though I guess we could say the pair of buttocks are covered by a pair of underwear and still consistently maintain that a single thong covers something but not a pair of anything... I think. Yes, any pair of something that a thong may cover can be described by a singular noun without a plural qualifier like "pair."

The point being that a pair of pants, though we may not immediately recognize it, is essentially two things purposed with covering two things but by good luck covers more. So they are a pair of lady's boxers I wear.

But scissors screw this all up. It comes from the Latin cisorium- a cutting thing. But that can go either way- in the plural or singular sense. A pair of scissors are two cutting things joined together, though once joined together it is a single cutting instrument. And really, a single leg of a scissor does not work for cutting. In this case convention wins out over what is. Or maybe how we identify and describe things is a poor representation of what a thing really is. But in the life or use of a thing we get a better sense of what something might be.

Of course this has nothing to do with anything religious. Statements of faith and systematic theology are perfectly good ways of treating something boxable like God. Wow that came out of left field.

I Got a GPS For My Hair

I hope your holiday season is going well. Mine is going wonderfully, even if any type of regular blog posting and other writing has suffered from the effluence of yule tide merry making and gay apparel donning.

Part of me feels like I let down some of my more regular visitors by not writing this past week (or so). Another part of me, the gay apparel part- has barely remembered that I have a blog at all. I am still technically on break from school but need to slip into a rut so when school starts back up I am not taken completely off guard. Returning to my neglected blog will help that. So on to things blog.

A recent review of my site meter data shows a lot of international visitors (looking for "Christmas Sex"- weird) and a peculiar interest in the Pampers commercial I mentioned so long ago. So that's what goes with some others. What goes with me?

I got a GPS for Christmas from my father in law. My father in law got a GPS from me. How O. Henry can you get? Actually, I bought him two GPSes... or I got him the same GPS twice. While I was on my way home from purchasing said gift, Cyndi called and asked how I would feel if I got from him the same gift I was giving, only much nicer. I didn't know exactly how I would feel about that but I suspected I should feel like I should get him something else. Cyndi didn't say that. She didn't say,
"My dad got you a nicer gift then you're getting for him. And although that's typically the case, this time there is an actual way to quantify how many dollars nicer his gift to you is than yours to him, so perhaps you should return the GPS and get him something else,"
but I felt that was the subtext. To be completely clear, Cyndi didn't say anything like that. She only asked how I would feel if that happened. My immediate reaction was I should return it. My immediate reaction was that I somehow screwed up.

So I headed back to the store. I stood in the return line (which was just as long as the checkout lines) and stewed. I mulled over my screw up and the prospect of having to think about- and get- another gift. I wondered if the gift wasn't as well chosen as I thought. I began one of my irrational, spiraling internal dialogues. I accused myself of treating gift giving as a more crass commercial enterprise than I thought it should be, I figured I wasn't as thoughtful as I thought I was- all I do is get people what I want them to want. And I I try to craft everyone into little mes- getting them to like what I like, do what I do, affirming who I am by pretending the only things that have any value are the things I deem worthwhile. And then I figured the only reason I was in the return line instead of at home was because I give gifts as investments. They're stock, if they like it, it's worth influence, and if they don't, it's an opportunity for guilt making. And now that I know that's what gifts are for, how could I get anything for anybody- and we shouldn't get gifts for anyone anyway because the money can all be spent on things that really matter. And I'm hungry and cranky from standing in line so I'll just make my father in law a coupon book for free hugs and car washes.

On the way home I thought about what a good gift the GPS really was and that I should get it even if I'm getting one that's better than the one I can afford to give. I told Cyndi we should still get the GPS so she asked why I returned it. I told her it was because she wanted me to. She told me I was stupid- well she didn't actually say that- but I felt it was the subtext.

So I bought a GPS twice, received one once, and still wonder exactly where I am.

[Untitled]- Smashing Pumpkins
Tired of Being Alone- Al Green
Flashlight- Parliament
It's Oh So Quiet- Bjork
The Christian's Testimony- Mahalia Jackson
F**k the System- System of a Down
Kid A- Radiohead
How Many More Years? Howlin' Wolf
There Is No Greater Love- Dizzy Gillespie
These Arms of Mine- Otis Redding
War Pigs- Black Sabbath
'Bout to Wail- Dizzy Gillespie

I reformatted the layout of this post- it was impossible to read with the picture where it was. So... eidtor's note or something.