Vicious Austrian Bastards

If you spend anytime listening to the Christian Americana crowd, you would know that Europe is a vast wasteland of spineless, amoral, hedonism, and atheism set to be subsumed by the specter of Islam. Though the various lower rates of abortion, divorce, infant mortality, and higher marriage rates, life expectancies, growing churches, and better soccer teams throughout the region might throw your sensibilities for a loop, you could treat the dissonance with this: their animals are out of control, family destroying, border-defying, drug-hungry monsters.

It seems that some single mother bear has raised three savage cubs who are now wreaking havoc across Europe as fatherless children are wont to do. The European solution, as it has always been, is to retreat to jingoistic nationalism and send a pack of Finnish dogs after these bears so that humans can drug them.

Of course, after this, they'll have to send German goats to get the dogs, then Swiss cows to get the goats, and finally Spanish horses to finish off the cows.

So there you have it- the real Europe: broken families, violence, and drugs. Start calling the AM radio shows.