It's Ramadan, Sucka'

You have nine new messages. Message one, Monday September 10 8:25 AM -THE BEEP
Hiiieeee- it's Osa- uh mm Terry- I'll be in town this week. Give me a call if you want to get together. Talk to you soon.

Message three, Monday September 10 10:33 AM.-THE BEEP
Haaeeeyyyy, it's me. I have a meeting with my lawyers today but I should be done early this afternoon. Let's get together for dinner or something. Call me.

Message five, Monday September 10 3:40 PM.-THE BEEP
Hi, I'm -- my mee--- ingth ---- ulveda--- weak si---- ca--- shr---let me know when y---

Message six, Monday September 10 3:55 PM.-THE BEEP
Hey I had a bad signal I don't know if you got my last message- I'm heading back to th---

Message seven, Monday September 10 3:55 PM.-THE BEEP
Sorry- I'm done with my meetings- give me a call.

Message eight, Monday September 10 4:22 PM.-THE BEEP
Where you at?! ah you know like that phone- Where You at?! Heh- Okay call me.

Message nine, Monday September 10 5:03 PM.-THE BEEP
Hey do you know if Chili's is Halal? Hmmm... Do you want me to go ahead and order you something- you can pick it up on the way over? Do you like the ribs? Oh wait, what kind of ribs are those? Let me know what you want... Call me.

Phone rings
skybalon-Hello
Osama- WHERE YOU AT?! haha
skybalon- Hey
Osama- Get it? WHERE YOU AT?! Like the commercial
skybalon- Yeah, I know.
Osama- WHERE YOU AT?!
skybalon- -So, Noam Chomsky huh?
Osama- I know- I can't believe it, and there's nothing I can do about it. My lawyers say I'm a public figure and satire is protected speech, so even if I knew who released it I couldn't do anything about it. I hate your country so much.
skybalon- That's still pretty funny though.
Osama I don't think it's funny at all- I don't ramble like that and it doesn't even look like me.
skybalon I think that's part of the gag. It's like Chevy Chase playing Gerald Ford without doing any make up or anything, and you do kind of ramble.
Osama I don't ramble
skybalon You rant-
Osama I speak with passion if that's what you're saying
skybalon Well it's a parody so it's supposed to be a bit over the top.
Osama- Anyway... I got you the Fajita Trio plate- I already paid for it, just pick it up. It's there in your name.
skybalon- Oh no, I can't make it over there tonight.
Osama- What? I already paid for the dinner- Didn't you get my messages?
skybalon I just got in the door, you should've waited for me to call y-
Osama I just thought- I'm in town maybe once a year and when I'm around you would make the time to come see me.
skybalon Uh- I've got a lot of reading and grading to do-
Osama You have to eat, why don't you just come over, bring your work.
skybalon I'm not coming over; I've got too much to do.
Osama I've already ordered the food, it's gonna go to waste
skybalon So don't waste it, go get it or give it to somebody
Osama What am I going to do? Walk in there and pick it up? Seriously. Now I can't eat because you're too busy? That's great- I don't eat. I've been fasting all day and now I don't eat.
skybalon All right- that's up to you.
Osamma ...
skybalon ...
Osama (sigh) I don't know, [skybalon]. I've been doing a lot of thinking. Am I making a difference? I mean I left my family, my money, everything- to do this- to be a servant. And now... what? I'm the butt of a joke?
skybalon If it helps, most people here don't think the video is a joke
Osama That's better? Nobody knows me, or what I'm trying to do. I'm like the Saint Francis- I gave up wealth and power to serve God, but everyone's against me. Maybe it has to be that way. Maybe I am the only one who understands what I must do, but I must do it even if no one is with me.
skybalon Even if only your wife and Barney are with you...
Osama What?
skybalon It's just an expression- you know- A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do-
Osama That's it isn't it?
skybalon I don't know
Osama No, tell me, what do you think?
skybalon (Unintelligible)
Osama Really, tell me.
skybalon Well, what did you give up- and what is it you think you're doing? You just kind of took on roles other people gave you. You weren't a good student but your rich family had your back and set you up in business. You failed at that and made yourself a kind of man's man freedom fighter but all that was an act. You were completely supported by the US and took credit for the Soviets collapsing on themselves in Afghanistan. You've set yourself up as this Muslim folk hero even opposing the Sauds, but that's a total invention of other people's power and vision. And now what? Now you're even more desperately committed to this fiction so you can avoid facing how hollow it really is-
Osama Are you saying your imperialism is a fiction? Are you saying you didn't destroy the Caliphate 80 years ago and carve up our lands?
skybalon I know. You're so brave, taking on the West. Single-handedly making right what went so wrong almost a hundred years ago. Why do you claim that story?
Osama Because that's what happened!
skybalon Maybe. Lots of things happened- why that story?
Osama Because that's what matters-
skybalon Why does that matter?
Osama Okay- why?
skybalon It's just the motivation for another role you're playing- another role you're playing so you don't have to confront who you might be. You're wholly committed to that story- selling yourself as the freedom fighter- hoping that other people will keep buying it so you don't ever have to confront who you might be without it. You're strong, you're brave, you've got resolve and won't back down from any fight- not from the Soviets, not from Saud, not from the West. It doesn't matter if the video is you or not- it's the same caricature. If you really are experiencing a crisis it's because you realize what you're pretending to be might not be what you are.
Osama So what am I?
skybalon What are you?
Osama I'm asking you- what am I?
skybalon You're asking someone else to tell you who you are... again?
Osama Whatever, like I said, I've just been thinking a lot.
skybalon About Noam Chomsky?
Osama ...
skybalon ...
Osama So are you coming over?
skybalon No