Sex, Drugs, and Watered-Down Adult Contemporary Pop

Ted Haggard, gay! Or he maybe just had sex with another man. You may or may not know who Ted Haggard is, but he might be gay. If you're a Christian in America, it's likely he's your pope- or like your pope. If you're a Christian in America, he's probably also part of the cabal of pastors, politicians, the psychologist, and talking heads that not only says how you think you should read the Bible you carry around in a nylon case, but also which bubbles you should fill out on your voting ballot. They're why you think Jesus rode a dinosaur to church and why when America does it, it's okay. They're who your pastor probably first consults before anyone else for the weekly concert and personal affirmation we call a sermon these days; they're consulted before even the Holy Spirit. Ted's the head of that "they." He meets with MY PRESIDENT, or at least met with MY PRESIDENT, regularly- as his spiritual advisor. MY PRESIDENT said they agreed on everything except what kind of truck to drive.

And now... well I don't know about "right now" but as of late, Pastor Ted has resigned his positions as head pastor of his church and president of the NAE so that a full investigation into the allegations can occur.

What allegations? Well, a former prostitute has alleged that he and Pastor Ted have had sex and drugs. He alleges he has proof. Pastor Ted has begun the process of Evangelical Loss- it's a five step process that begins when status or position is threatened. He seems to be at step three right now- Well he was at stage 2 last night. According to Morning Edition- and I can never be too sure about what I hear on Morning Edition given the Snooze Button dream-like haze I hear it in- he may be at stage 3. Stage 1 is denial. Stage 2 is qualified denial pending an investigation. Stage 3 is admission of indiscretions. Stage 4 is blaming someone/thing else- perhaps the liberal media, alcoholism, a Catholic priest, or Bill Clinton. Stage 5 is the book tour.

Some people, for a number of reasons, will delight in this. The hypocrisy, the proof of sanctimony, the justice of the unicorn, the irony, are sometimes the only good things people know. Maybe people like to see Christians fail- a lot of the time it's because Christians give the impression that they can't, or don't. I don't know what all will motivate people. I do know, people who didn't know who Ted Haggard is, will know now and feel very satisfied.

It's sad. Pastor Ted's betrayed his family and this guy; he's sinned against God. It will be made all the more sad if Pastor Ted does in fact go down the road of Evangelical loss following in the fresh steps of the likes of Tom Delay, Ken Lay, and Ralph Reed. People who call themselves Evangelicals these days generally don't know what to do with something as strange as guilt. But then how could we/they if the whole foundation of our/their lives seems to be "I believe in Jesus so whatever I do is okay, unless it's not, in which case someone else made me do it."?

Wow, that's a really unfair caricature.

Anyway, as I said, Pastor Ted seems to have admitted some type of wrong-doing. I don't know what that means- maybe all he did was go see Wicked and had brunch, that might be bad enough for Colorado Springs. Or maybe he [redacted] a [redacted] while he [redacted] his [redacted] on a leather [redacted] in his mouth. Like I said, I don't know.

What I do know... think... struggle with... We (Evangelicals?) have done such a great job of making it clear gay people are not welcome in the church that it seems we're not really the church. We have such a reified picture of gay as some absolute other, that we have no need to deal with it or people we place into that conceptual category apart from some very bizarre and dangerous criteria. What's that worth? That's definitely not being the Body of Christ.

So he sinned against his family, this guy, and God... I guess allegedly. Well, not allegedly. I suppose whatever his specific acts may have been, whether it was smoking a slim cigarette or smoking a... no that's too blue... whether it was drinking an Appletini or... doing something else, he felt it was worth resigning his positions. But he possibly did his church a favor. Some chickens need to come home to roost. Maybe, it's providential... yeah "maybe."

Maybe, I guess I should say hopefully, the most influential Christian in America going through all this will help us see that gay people are (wackily enough) people. We're not the church if there is some scary evil "other" that we feel comfortable and confident excluding and by that confirm our own goodness or against whom we define down our own sin.

Or we can just take the next step down the road we're on- look harder for the gays, line them up and kick them out, then build our walls higher and thicker.

ed- derived apologies to SNL

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