Why That Face?

Every Sperm Is Sacred
While in Missouri, it was impossible to go five minutes without seeing some type of anti-abortion propaganda. There were billboards literally in sight of each other with pictures of babies doing non-baby things along with some corresponding copy- like a pre-cognitive baby photographed at the moment their fist is at their chin so they seem inquisitive, and then a thought bubble reading "Did you know... life begins at conception?" They struck me a bit like those black and white posters highlighted with bits of color, where children in adult clothes do adult things and give me the creeps.

Anyway, along with the barrage of infants thinking, there were also probably as many billboards telling me who to call to get a vasectomy reversed. I thought it was strange but didn't give it much more thought until I heard about these crazies. Quiver Full Ministries will provide you with the immaterial resources you need to raise 6, 8, 13, hell, even two dozen kids. And if you've gone and done something horrible like have a vasectomy, Blessed Arrows will help you repent by paying for a vasectomy reversal. Doesn't their animation seem disturbing- on many levels?

Anyway, if you're not having a full quiver of children, I'll see you in hell... from heaven. Or maybe hell, I'm not sure what their theology would do with me. I continue to have sex knowing that reproduction is not likely... I'm guessing they probably would focus on the intent and openness to children... No that's still no good for them since gay people might want to have children and be completely open to the possibility... What to do, what to do?

Speaking of crazy ideas about sex...

You Won't Go Blind, But Your Head Will Explode And You'll See Cartoon Characters Everywhere
MY PRESIDENT's new appointee for a role at the Department of Population Affairs says sex causes brain damage. He has pictures and big words to prove it. So, kids, don't have sex. Finally irrefutable proof, modern science has all the answers we need and they, conveniently enough, correspond to the instructions we seem to find in the Bible.

Some people might say positions that say GOD=SCIENCE are just as absurd as BATS=BIRDS. But obviously they're wrong. Unless... (I'm rubbing my chin and and gazing at the ceiling)... Nope that's the way it is.

Speaking of heads exploding...

Who Says Never Swear, Neither By Heaven Nor Earth?
Because I hate myself I often sign up for various newsletters, articles and releases that often have the subtitle "Where's the Outrage?!" Articles like this.

You may have heard the first Muslim ever was elected to Congress. Are you outraged yet? Well dig this: he swore on a Qur'an. Did you crap your pants? Let me say it again: He swore on... (wait for it)... A QUR'AN!!

I guess there's a lot wrong with me if I find this event just as meaningful (read meaningless) as swearing on a Bible, a dictionary, a hymnal, or stack of comic books. But the outrage and fear she's trying to muster about this, that I like. That means something. I especially like this:

Ellison will be sworn in on a Koran. So now the Bible is equivalent to the Koran in the halls of Congress? Doesn't this then mean he is pledging allegiance to Islamic Law (Sharia) rather than our Constitution? Where is the outrage here? He will also bring his prayer mat and pray to Mecca. Ellison is a Sunni Muslim.

Oh in case you didn't know, BIBLE=CONSTITUTION.

Speaking of Muslims in Congress...

I Feel Like Saying "You're a Dirty Redneck That's Going to Lynch Me"
Glenn Beck is a dough faced AM radio guy that got a gig on CNN's Headline News. I understand it's a saturated market- what's an inarticulate, humorless, "conservative" white guy to do to prove that he, at last, speaks for us. Well how about stooping even lower than the others? That's not easy, but he's making some progress. One way he's done that is to disregard all the KKK, Council of Conservative Citizens, Christian Identity Movement, and other white supremacist affiliated and supported Representatives and Senators in Congress, and ask the one American Muslim to prove he's not allied with any foreign groups that don't want us in their backyards.

With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying, "Let's cut and run." And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, "Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies."
And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way.

GLENN BECK=PURE KOUNTRY

Is This A New Feature?
There is No Greater Love- Dizzy Gillespie
Freedom of Choice- Devo
Taxman- The Beatles
Break My Body- The Pixies
Sitting in Limbo- Jimmy Cliff
Wild World- Jimmy Cliff
I'm Tongue Tied- The Magnetic Fields
Fleshdunce- Dead Kennedys
Rock 'n' Roll Suicide- David Bowie
London Calling- The Clash
Iron Man- Black Sabbath
Adult Books- X
Electricity- Talking Heads