Easy As Pie

-Standby- we have the window in 5... 4... 3... -....-....
-GREETINGS, MY CHILDREN. DO NOT FEAR- hello? Is this on? Is this on, I can't hear it? GREETINGS- No. I can't hear it.
- It's on, the levels are good. Just speak normally
-Okay. GREETINGS, DO NOT FEAR- it still doesn't sound right, can you turn up my monitor?
-Alright... go.
-Hello, hello, check... check. Yeah, that's better.
-Go.
-GREETINGS, MY CHILDREN, DO NOT
[incredible feedback]
-No no, just speak normally, don't yell into the mic.
-GREETINGS, MY CHILDREN-
-No, no use your normal voice.
-MY CHILDREN
-No softer, softer
-my children
-More authority
-Greetings, my children
-Let them hear the smile
-Greetings, my children. Do not fear, I have seen your affliction and have heard your cries. I have seen you and now promise that I will bring you up out of your suffering... No...
-We're still live.
- ... Okay, I'm gonna go off script here for a minute. There's really only one thing that I need to clarify, just one thing that you must absolutely be clear on, and I'll get to that, but since I'm here there's something that's been bothering me. Okay... well this is kind of embarrassing... So I have no interest in foreskins. I don't know exactly how that got started but it can stop. Now. Keep them, chop them off, whatever, I mean I wouldn't do it- chopping off part of a baby boy's penis? Eesh- But really, I don't care either way so you can stop saying your doing it for me. It makes me look... well... weird- and it kind of creeps me out. The whole thing's been bothering me for a while and it just got to a point... You know... I'd let it go for so long that I wasn't sure how to bring it up casually. Some signals must've gotten crossed somewhere and I didn't want to embarrass anyone, but it got built into the whole system... and anyway, I just want you to know- guys, you don't have to chop up your penises for me. Phew... well... okay... Y'know that feels pretty good to get that out of the way. Good. Okay. This is gonna be all right. So, you know, there are some other things, but let me just get to what really matters. What I really need you to do, what you must, must, must understand is, you ne-- jgg- nngg--- ch- sh--
[static and silence]
-Okay we're clear.
-Wait- What?
-We're out, that's it.
-Oh. Okay. That was enough though, right? At least I told them there was only one thing they actually need to be concerned with. They should be able to figure it out from that.
-Oh sure they got it.
-Yeah, I think so too. But that foreskins thing, crazy huh?