I Promise This Will Be The Best Thing You Will Ever See In Your Life- Even if You Were to Live to Be Two thousand Years Old

Speaking of Anberlin-
This from their MySpace/Press Release:
Throughout rock history, from "OK Computer" to "War" to "London Calling", third albums have defined careers. With the bombastic, breathtaking Cities, Anberlin's cohesive and adventurous new album, the group puts itself in some esteemed company with a modern classic that uplifts as much as it initiates thought and elicits emotion. The Winter Haven, Florida-reared quintet -- who have watched its career rise while touring with everyone from Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance to Yellowcard and Hawthorne Heights -- doesnt just build on the energy and determination of recent singles like "Paperthin Hymn", "The Feel Good Drag", and "A Day Late". Instead, Anberlin expands its grasp of what a rock record can be with the Aaron Sprinkle produced Cities. Be it the huge-sounding, memorable roar of "Reclusion" or the bright, infectious "Adelaide", the writing team of singer Stephen Christian and guitarist Joseph Milligan drives Anberlin - which also counts bassist Deon Rexroat, guitarist Christian McAlhaney and drummer Nathan Young - as it retains the airwave ready allure that earned the band a pair of radio hits last year. But, with the sprawling, epic "Fin*" and the gorgeous, lighter-ready "Unwinding Cable Car" the group vastly widens its musical boundaries on Cities. Expect Cities to light up the globe in 2007.

Seriously? OK Computer? War? London Calling?*
How about NSYNC's the Winter Album, or Poison's Flesh and Blood, or Britney Spears' Britney? Those may be more apt as defining third album comparisons. Except that people know who Justin Timberlake is, Unskinny Bop is a stripper anthem, and no one in Anberlin will likely do a video in a red lace catsuit.

Oh wait, judging by the publicity photos, maybe I have to take back that last one.

In any case, I just listened to Adelaide. It is "bright". It is "infectious". I wouldn't change the station the first time I heard it, but I wouldn't think it's "bombastic," "breathtaking," or "adventurous," is part of something that expands the "grasp of what a rock record can be," or is a "modern classic," unless those words I just read and used don't mean what I think they mean.

I "felt led" to start OK Computer, and after the aural equivalent of a department store perfume spray assault that comes with loading the Anberlin MySpace page, I can say without hyperbole that Anberlin's third outing is a thousand times worse than what one hears in the coffee shops in hell. It is the musical equivalent of the brief but too clear moment of realization you have as you drink the last sip from a glass offered you by your kind quiet neighbor when you stopped by to just drop off the mail delivered by accident to your address right when you had casually noted the strange curves and color of his dining room set and the strange, "what kind of leather is this?" upholstery on his sofa about the same time you recognize the sick sweet smell of rot and why is he pulling a butcher's knife from the block as your field of vision narrows and gently goes black...

It's that.

Of course I only think this because of the standard they set for me. If they had said "fun harmless pop", well then maybe we could have had something here.

* If I were internettier I would know how to make it possible for you to hear cuts from songs on these albums.