Look What Happened

Long time readers of my online diary are unemployable shut-ins and probably remember me mentioning a few times that the Qweenbean and I had sinny sex. That is, we had sex knowing that it was likely not possible that she would get pregnant, and centuries of Christian doctrine taught that sex that does not lead to a baby is wrong.

Of course there was the Modern rub that allowed for sex if a couple was open to the possibility of conception, regardless of how unlikely it may be. That was sticky because it opened the door to any number of pairings wherein the pair were open to the possibility of conception even if the Authorities were not open to the pair's pairing.

But that was mostly for Catholics. Protestants often lacked the fora for discussing these things with the care or concern of Catholic moral philosophers. Even if Catholic thinkers were wrongheaded and bumbling, they were consistent, thoughtful, and firmly rooted in their horribly bizarre world of original sin transmitted via sex and heterosexual incest being better than masturbation because it was natural and other oriented. Protestants have largely just been wrongheaded and bumbling because we've pretended there is no world in which we are rooted. We pretend there is only The World and it is as it should be for everyone everywhere because the Bible says so. Only, it wasn't... isn't, and so we miss the why we say what we say the Bible says anchor that has us rooted in a world that has no place to anchor for some people called out of the world.

But here I am beating a dead horse. Or perhaps pointing out that we are beating a dead horse- a horse we nevertheless insist on trying to ride out of slavery- but as dead horses are wont to do- it goes nowhere and the rest of the exodus moves right past us. That's okay, as long as we tell ourselves we're the only ones that have the right to ride a horse, and despite appearances, we are getting somewhere. That makes it all okay, right?

Anyway, returning to the point, the Qweenbean and I continued having sex knowing that some someone somewhere may have reason to wag fingers at that, but also knowing that finger wagging was largely irrelevant to who we are together.

Awful, awful people we are.

But now this.

We are well past the point of subtle introduction into the memento that this internets diary is, so there she is, full of creature. I have no more explanation for why she is pregnant than why she wasn't before- I mean in light of our having sex. So that's that.

This being with child has reached a saturation point in our life. There have been other times that I have thought about internets comments stemming from this, but out of sensitivity to the Qweenbean, who has been very superstitious about the whole affair, I have not shared them. But now it's okay to share with you, the globespread mesh, and that which has been background will be more directly present.

The breaking point may have been the incredible dis-ease with which I approached registering for baby gifts. After a brief conversation about how uncomfortable I am with imagining we "need" so much more than other parents throughout history, how insidious it is that babies are introduced immediately to a world of consumption and commodification, the fear on which baby-marketing is parasitic, the compartmentalization I had been negotiating with that was brought to an end. Besides, nobody in Babies Backwards "R" Us wanted to hear any of that, but I knew you would.

There is more that will come, I'm sure. Not that this will become a baby blog, but this is part of the world, and it should be clear it is so.