Consumerist Passover
Considering we keep hitting 90+ degrees, you would be forgiven for forgetting that Halloween is this Friday. However you will not be forgiven for thinking a Sarah Palin costume is clever. There is time to think of something better. You will think of something better.
There is also time to make sure you don't do more to damage the already laughable reputation of Christians surrounding their Halloween hum-buggery (that makes me laugh). To that end I offer this:
A Brief Guide to the Best and Worst Treats You Can Give
These are the worst items you could hand out on Halloween. If you think it is an act of generosity or good Halloween cheer to give any of these, you deserve whatever property damage follows throughout the year.
Raisins
Unshelled nuts
Loose change
Bible tracts
Fruit of any kind
These last two are asking for broken windows.
I would describe the following as borderline offerings. They are easily better than the above but may also be seen as a bit lazy so it's a bit of a gamble to give them out. You may avoid a yard full of egg shells and toilet paper, but don't be surprised if morning reveals a path of candy from your door to the sidewalk.
Bazooka Joe gum and that other brand of rock hard wax paper wrapped bubble gum... Empire Bubble or some such
Hershey's Miniatures: Krackle
Generic colorful transparent suckers and hard candies
Packs of gum- specifically, Wrigley brand 5 packs
Neopolitan Chews
Of course there are hundreds, if not thousands, of good candies and treats that can be given out on Halloween so a list of the best could never be definitive nor final. I guess all it can be is a list of candies and treats you should give me if you don't want me to egg your house.
Chocolate and Peanut Butter Taffies
Pixie Stix
Any full-size candy bar (except for those awful awful Zone style diet bars you can buy in bulk at 99 cents stores.)
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Pencil Toppers/Erasers (Seriously, kids under 10 go crazy for that kind of junk- so do I)
Balvenie Scotch
3 comments:
One year, newly living in a, shall we say, sketchy neighborhood, before we had children, we didn't realize that Trick or Treaters would come to our door. But they did. The best we could come up with were our freshly rolled packs of pennies (I think each holds 20 cents). Fortunately, we had about eight, and that was how many children came to our door that night. Nobody complained.
Pencil Toppers? Really?
I don't know why... somehow rolled coins seem more substantial than loose change. Maybe 'cos it is literally more substantial.
If everyone were to give out handfuls of change on Halloween, then the concept would be a pretty good deal for kids. But a handful of coins dropping into a candy sack is sad. Even if said coins can be used to buy more candy, it just seems disappointing.
And really. Pencil toppers. It doesn't seem like much if you were to go buy yourself a pencil topper, that's like buying yourself candy. But a.) it's a pencil topper you didn't have to buy ,and b.) it's a lasting reminder of Halloween's greatness. On the worst, longest, most removed-from-a-vacation day of school, you see your werewolf head eraser looking back at you with its remaining eye- one side of his head rubbed away so he's permanently winking at you- reminding you "things aren't so bad- you can take candy from strangers"
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