A Millstone About My Neck
Our baby came with a bunch of free stuff. Free in that, I didn't have to pull out a wallet and pay for anything with paper or plastic at a specific point though there were costs associated.
One of the costly freebies was Parenting Magazine. Costly because it forces me to confront some of the assumptions I had about parenting. It's called Parenting but it's clearly not for me. It's not for me because I am a dad, and if this magazine is to be believed, mom's are parents and dad's are only some sort of secondary relation to a child. Dad's are conspicuously absent.
Mostly.
There is, along with the Letters to Parenting, a section called Hot Dads wherein photos of nominees are posted along with the details that explain why they're hot.
I intuitively find this repugnant and want to set the magazine on fire, but I should be careful. My parenting can be bad for The Lovely Elizabeth. According to other literature, if I encourage her to participate in athletics or to outperform The Boys in various efforts, it will cause gender identity confusion for her and force The Qweenbean to reject her, thereby encouraging The Lovely Elizabeth to seek the approval and affection of other women in the form of homosexual relationships. I thought encouraging her in athletics and outperforming boys were things I would want to do. Idiot dad that I am.
In that sense, Parenting may be just what the doctor ordered. I ought to remove myself from her life in such a way that she will be more concerned with replacing an absent father and seeking affection and approval with men that are only too happy to prey on the self-hating persona I helped create.
Cool, thanks, Parenting Magazine.
5 comments:
I think the main purpose of parenting advice should be to make you feel better. I recommend The Girlfriend's Guides, even if they are written for women, hence the title. They are full of real life stories that make me think, "At least I'm doing better than that..."
Like I said earlier, you'll make it up as you go along, just like the rest of us. The main thing is showing up.
I'm not a parent and won't be for a while, since apparently I am unmarried and single, so perhaps I am even more out-of-the-loop than fathers are supposed to be (although my innate mothering skills as a woman may put me ahead of you, dunno), but you know Parenting Magazine is probably right.
About everything.
Watch out, before you gay up your daughter.
Seriously, though. Something like that actually went to print?
robin-
I actually look forward to making it up along the way- and showing up as much as I can- I just hope at some point I get enough sleep so that what I make up is coherent
joliene-
If some were to be believed, your ovaries (versus my testes) provide you with all the qualities you need to out-parent me.
I disagree.
It may be that I will prove an incompetent parent, but it will not be the fault of my testicles.
Also- I like that there is at least one other person in the world who uses the phrase "gay up" but I wonder if you instinctively think it when you see a "Cowboy Up" bumper-sticker as well.
Shoot! My ovaries don't automatically qualify me to be a good parent?! I'll have to start reading Parent Magazine or something.
You know, I don't think it when I see a "Cowboy Up" sticker, but I will now. Which is a much better thought than the sterotypes I've been associating with that sticker, so THANKS! You've made me a .001% better human being by changing my mind's associations. :)
I was initially very excited to know that I improved your internal life, even by such a small amount, but since I generally make people's lives worse by a greater degree, I'm afraid I shouldn't take too much pleasure in it...
Unless this is like that starfish parable/email forward/inspirational poster text.
It is.
In that case- You are quite welcome.
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