Homo Insipien Christianus

It may seem that the other day I was saying Christians are stupid. I bet some are, but is it fair to say that Christians are any stupider than most other people?

There's a lot of stupid out there and it's not all Christian. Skin Industries, Montgomery Gentry, grills, and The Real Housewives of Orange County are all stupid, and not the product of Christianity. So where does that leave us.

I was willing to say, "No," and still am, but we have to account for this. "This" being The Eagle Forum's Conservapedia. It turn's out it's not simply about conservatism, which, in the hands of a Grover Norquist or John Yoo is its own kind of stupid, it's about a particular type of quasi-religious, almost classical in its divine-right imperialist, type of conservatism mingled with Christianity.

If you go to Conservapedia you could learn "faith" is a uniquely Christian concept. It isn't, but you can learn that it is.

We can't always go by the entries alone. They are turning into a hilarious bit of wikicomedy so don't really serve as an artifact of conservative Christian culture. But the debates and rules about what is and isn't an appropriate contribution are revealing.

That whole foolishness to the Greeks bit can cover a lot of ground. But stupid is stupid. And just because there's a lot of stupid that's not Christian doesn't mean the unique stupid that Christians make isn't plenty stupid.

Still, I think it's unfair to say Christians in general are stupid. I qualified my previous post by saying some aspects of American Christian culture are stupid. Classic Grandpa offered the sad perspective that this stupidity goes beyond US borders, but I will not say all Christians are stupid. I will, however, say conservative Christians of the conservapedia type are stupid.

But ever gracious and optimistic, I will say I am holding out for the day when so much of this is revealed as performance art and the artists, Christians no doubt, can be hailed as geniuses who have been prophetically warning us all this time about the dangers of religiosity and legalistic showiness.

ed. note- The conservapedia page may not load and if it does, you may not be able to create new accounts to help out with their entries because the site has become very popular recently

I Like Stories

Last year the QweenBean and I went out of our way to see the Best Picture Oscar nomineees. This year?

M'eh

After Crash won Best Picture I wouldn't trust Academy voters or those in the know to tell me where to spend my 10 bucks. Maybe I should've figured that was the case before. After all, those in the know chose MY PRESIDENT, gave us all that great intelligence about Iraq, and now Iran. And voters? Well, whatever.

Not that Crash was bad. But it was exactly what you expected wasn't it? Kind of an adventure in After School specialdom right?

So we and the Academy aren't on the same page. That's no big deal. I guess it means we don't really have a dog in this fight. I liked Little Miss Sunshine, but Best Picture of The Year? I shouldn't think so.

But we still like movies, and we love Ellen. So here's what it's worth this year:

Cate Blanchett is gorgeous. I can't believe she's not one of my celebrity crushes. She is now.

Even with a backing track- some people cannot clap on the right beat.

Jennifer Lopez looks her age.

I would so vote for Al Gore... And, not that it should matter, I would absolutely rather have a beer with him than the guy who would poke you in the chest when you disagree with him.

To get interpretive dance right- don't give it more than 15 seconds.

Beyonce doesn't know where she is, or at least dresses like she doesn't

I still don't know who Jennifer Hudson is.

Oh, and just like last year, we had to make a trip to Target mid-Oscars. That's weird... And still gay?

Is This Legal

From: [skybalon]
Subject: Re: I did not
Date: February 23, 2007 2:03:54 PM PST
To: c_adams555@yahoo.it

Dear Cynthia,

I apologize if I have been unclear. I hope this does not harm our working relationship.

As I said in my last email, I am happy to help you with your money transfer. I hope that is plain. As for the musical, I will explain again.

In the 1960s, my father and his partners created a musical play called Hair. It has had a long and successful run all around the world. However it has only been produced for the people of Africa once. That was in South Africa.

Before my father died, he asked if I could fulfill his dream of producing the play in Africa again. I want to complete his dream, but up to now I have not known anyone in Africa that could help. This is why I think it is an answer to prayer that I received your email.

He left me a large sum of money to finish this project. I need to know if you can help me to produce this musical play in Africa for my father's dream. If you agree, we have $35,000,000 to work with. I will tell you the next steps necessary to begin financing the project.

I hope this is clear and you are available for the project.

Sincerely-
[skybalon]

What's Not to Understand?

From: c_adams555@yahoo.it
Subject: i did not
Date: February 22, 2007 11:58:45 PM PST
To: [skybalon]

Mr,
 
I did not understand you.
 
Cynthia

Return

From: [skybalon]
Subject: Re: Dear, Respectful One,WE NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.
Date: February 22, 2007 7:28:34 PM PST
To: c_adams555@yahoo.it
Dear Inquiring One,

It is so very good to hear from you. I am glad you recognize how respectful I am and that my name is very esteeming.

I am only too happy to help you in your simple and sincere business. I previously had a business relationship with Dr. Samailla Nuhu of Burkina Faso, (do you know him?) but that never came to fruition. After praying for such a financial opportunity, it was devastating to my faith for it to all fall apart at the end. But now you have come along as a redeemer in my moment of distress. And it seems that I am the same for you. How wonderfully providential.

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father, but as they say, "God doesn't close a door, or maybe in this case a coffin lid, without opening a window." I'm sure the death of your beloved father is as sad as Dr. Nuhu never returning my emails. But here we are. God has brought us together for this wonderful financial blessing.

I should add now that you also may benefit from this divine encounter. Not only am I a wealthy American, but my father on his deathbed left me with a special charge as well.

While he was dying, he called me over to his bed and told me two things:
He wanted me to fulfill his dream of breeding the world's longest horse, and to produce his musical play, Hair, with an all African cast in Africa.

I attribute his first request to the many pain killers he was taking as cancer ravaged his body, but I know the second was dear to his heart.

He left me a vast fortune so that I could produce his musical. I would be happy to help you but I don't need the money. I received an incredible inheritance of my own and have over $35,000,000 to produce my father's musical.

I hope we can make a deal. I will help you with your foreign investment and I can pay you to help me produce the musical play Hair.

I look forward to working with you-
[skybalon]

To: [skybalon]
From: cynthia adams
Subject: Dear, Respectful One, WE NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE
Date: February 21, 2007 5:54:08 PM PST
Reply-To: XXXXXX

Dear, Respectful One,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you.

I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to it's esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trust worthy person I can do business with and by their recommenddations I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business.

I am Cynthia adams,the only Daughter of late Mr and Mrs Dickson Adams My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan,the economic capital of Ivory Coast before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discus on a business deal. When my mother died on the 21st October 1984, my father took me and my younger brother Vitalis special because we are motherless.Before the death of my father on 30th June 2002 in a private hospital here in Abidjan.

He secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of $18.000.000 (EIGHTEEN MILLION, DOLLARS) left in a suspense account in a local Bank here in Abidjan, that he used my name as his first Daughter for the next of kin in deposit of the fund.

He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth and some huge amount of money his business associates supposed to balance his from the deal they had that he was poisoned by his business associates, that I should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, (such as real estate management).

We are honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.
1) To provide a Bank account where this money would be transferred to.
2) To serve as the guardian of this since I am a girl of 26 years.

We are willing to offer you 20% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designate account overseas.

PLEASE CONTACT US THROUGH MY PRIVATE YAHOO MAIL BOX (XXXXXXX)

Anticipating to hear from you soon.
Thanks and God Bless.
Best regards.
CYNTHIA ADAMS AND BROTHER.

I Hate... So Much About The Things That You Choose To Be

I've mentioned before that Way of the Master is, sadly, not Ninja training. And guess what- Ultimate Battle Update has nothing to do with Ultimate Fighting.

It is instead an Inter-active Christian Reality Show Blog. Never mind that it's not really any of those things or that those words make about as much sense as yellow ping gravy manny, those words sound awesome together.

It is also "Infotrainment." From what I can gather, infotrainment is a mix of an albino Jesus (who doesn't seem to know what an "interview" is), misspellings, animated demon Ben Stiller, and Dominionist propaganda.



(sigh)

Do I ever get tired of complaining?

Probably not today.

Maybe it's because I'm able to temper things with stuff like this.

Panaphonic, Magnetbox, and Sorny

Mexican Grandma Who Was Really French used to give the best worst gifts. A globe. An LED key chain. A coin purse. An eye glass repair kit. A bike lock. Underoos well past the age Underoos were desirable but before the age I would have wanted them ironically. A handheld "drum machine" that clipped to my belt called the "Rap Mate." Drugstore colognes in train and car shaped novelty bottles. A baby blue satin driving jacket.

Those things were awful, but they were possibly wonderful in their oddity. These things were so unique, unexpected, and outside the boundaries of our gifting standards, they were probably the closest things to a gift we could actually know.* In their strangeness they were lovely and exciting.

But just as one takes the miserable lows along with the exhilarating highs of bi-polar disorder, (That's right, I'm comparing wacky gift giving to the emotional chaos and frequent physical danger of mental illness. I'm also going to compare it to the crap Christians create and embrace. How about that?) her gifts could be a disheartening demonstration of loneliness and alienation- a hint at the vacuous reality of relationships and the chasm between generations. They betrayed our distance from each other and threatened all other relations as illusory and tenuous. Many of her gifts to me, and likely mine to her, were intended as gestures of love that instead revealed how little we knew each other.

Or sometimes they just showed how incredibly unhip Mexican Grandma is.

I don't know.

But in addition to the wacky, was the lame. When I was Kid Skybalon, she seemed aware of my life, or at least popular kid's culture, enough to know that I played with changing robot toy cars, but not enough to know that they were Transformers. Oh sure, Transformers represented the corporate takeover and hyper-branding of kids, wherein childhood became one long commercial. But gimme a break- I was a kid. I wanted Transformers. If I was lucky I got GoBots. If I was me, I got "Robotcar With Fast Styling!"

If Transformers were bad, the knock offs were worse. They were parasitic; the cheaply and quickly produced Radio Shack and swap meet copies made you think the artless consumer culture they emulated was worth something.


Oh enough of the set up- this is about Christianity... or one aspect of American Christian culture. We are the Creed of our musical gruel. Walker Texas Ranger. Left Behind. Christian as an adjective is so frequently synonymous with lame.

Why are we so often the 99 cent store of our strip mall culture? A strip mall culture is something to want? We seem to have a vague sense of what is popular- whether it should be or not- and go nuts making lame knock offs and awkward references.

We broadly embrace- not just live in- but value and support a materialistic consumer culture of marketed identity and lifestyle.

Good grief. It's bad enough that there's so much garbage- that so much human effort goes toward creating waste intentionally rather than incidentally, but to create even more- and of a worse quality?! Why do we pour so much of our talent, energy, and resources into some insatiable belly. There is what is worthless, and there are our Christian copies. Maybe both show we don't know what really has value. Why is that?

Any Garbage Here?
Another Demo Tape- Quasimoto
Flauta y Timbal- Tito Puente
Mike Mills- Air
My Beloved Monster- Eels
Working In The Coal Mine- Devo
Caroline No- The Beach Boys
wooden Ships- CSNY
Bridge Over Troubled Water- Simon and Garfunkel
Because- The Beatles
Go to The Mirror Boy- The Who
Clampdown- The Clash

*You can learn more about the aporia of a gift at your local library. Ask your librarian for Given Time by Jacques Derrida.

Children Are The Future, Unless We Stop Them Now!

The United States and Britain ranked as the worst places to be a child, according to a UNICEF study of more than 20 developed nations released Wednesday. The Netherlands was the best, it says, followed by Sweden and Denmark.

LA Times

So kids here are worse off than in the Netherlands, Sweden, and Denmark. Sure, but don't they say you have to wait in line and fill out a bunch of forms to see a doctor there? It's not true, but isn't that what they say? And don't they all live together without geting married? And don't they have boxy cars and cheap furniture? And pickled herring?

So what would you rather have, a greater chance to grow up healthy, literate, well prepared for the future with a sense of social responsibility, but the future is in the Netherlands or take your chances here?

US to Attack US

MY PRESIDENT says that he will do what he has to do to protect our soldiers from Iranians who are killing American soldiers. That might include bombing Iran, kidnapping Iranians, killing Iranians or anything else that Iran might take as an act of war. He says this because Iranian components have been found in a handful of explosive devises being used in Iraq against coalition forces.

This may be the case- it's hard to know when the boy has really seen a wolf. And if he really has seen a wolf- it's hard to know where the wolf came from or what the wolf is doing. After all, the boy has a record of being mistaken or mendacious and as far as the facts go, Iran is largely Shi'ah but in Iraq, Americans are being killed by Sunnis. I know, I know, it's hard to tell who's who- they're all brown.

Think of the Shi'ah as the brown people that clean your house or cook your food and the Sunnis as the brown people you encounter in public. You probably don't like any of them, but at least you know how to handle the brown people that do your dirty work. Those brown people on the street might know their place or they might not. They might rob you, they might not. You don't know. You can't trust them. You'd better call the cops to get rid of them.

So the brown people who do our cooking in Iraq are some of the ones we found to have these components. Eh, maybe you're just as scared about that. That's probably part of the plan. Our war experts and apologists told us that there is no difference or conflict between Sunnis and Shia- they're all brown. The Arab world is largely controlled by Sunni Muslims, and most Muslims are Sunni, it's probably a factor to consider but I don't think we're supposed to care about or consider that. Just be afraid.

Anyway, what's all this for? Well it's probably an excuse for an attack on Iran. I mean if it's Iranian bombs that are killing American soldiers, doesn't it make sense to punish Iran? Sure. But what do we do about the American weapons that are being used to kill Americans?

Someone could say that we already are punished by war profiteers and the rule of corporate plutocrats. Maybe we have exactly what we deserve by letting it stand for so long. I doubt you are one of the top .5%, so you probably are being punished. But you probably don't feel it as much as these guys. We probably deserve a little bit more than horrible debt, a wholly undemocratic economic system, declining wages, a regressive tax structure, and the illusion of representative government. I wonder what it will be.

(Ooh look how that sentence is tense- do I mean we deserve more because human dignity requires more than what we have- or do I mean we deserve more because we most certainly should be punished? Now why would I go and lift the veil like that? Why coudn't I just let it be? Like I worry about self-seriousness so much- like it's a shame to care about anything.)

Hey, Rocky, Watch Me Pull a Massacre Out of My Hat
Rock Is Dead- Marilyn Manson
Clumsy Grandma...- Ya Lo Tengo
Breed- Nirvana
Here Today- The Beach Boys
Hand In Glove- The Smiths
You Are The Sunshine of My Life- Stevie Wonder
Potshot Heard Round the World- Dead Kennedys
Join Together- The Who

Crap, I Think I'm Overtly Sexual

“She got what she wanted,” said Stokke. “She’s an overtly sexual person.”

A jury of one woman and 11 men—many white and in their 50s or 60s—agreed with Stokke. On Feb. 2, after a half-day of deliberations, they found Park not guilty of three felony charges that he’d used his badge to win sexual favors during the December 2004 traffic stop
OC Weekly

It turns out, if you're overtly sexual, it's okay for a cop to ejaculate on you when he pulls you over. I'm not exactly sure what "overtly sexual" means. I guess you're overtly sexual if someone can tell your sex by looking at you. Too bad if that describes you.

It Could Always Be Worse

You know, if they're going to win (causing us to constantly live in terror seems to be a goal of terrorism) we could do worse than this.

I mean, sure we're paranoid, over-reacting, willing to surrender liberties, hyper-militaristic, increasingly xenophobic and racist, but when this hell of our own making is a foundry for this, it's not so bad.

Story

Everyone You Know Someday Will Die

Since March 19th, 2003, when the US invaded Iraq, there have been 3118 coalition deaths. That's less than the number of liberated dead Iraqi civilians but more than the number of Americans killed by Iraqis on 9/11 or Americans killed by Iraqi WMDs combined.

About 1400 days with 3118 deaths comes to just a tad more than 2 deaths a day (remember, we're not counting the liberated dead, nor the non-fatal casualties). That doesn't seem so bad does it?

I think we can live with that. Better, we can afford that. I mean we're 300,000,000. What's two a day, especially when you consider birth and immigration rates? You don't even miss those people. In fact, if my calculations are correct, for every American death in Iraq, almost 3600 people come into the US- either over a border or through a birth canal.

I guess two a day might seem like a lot if you know those two. I suppose one a day is a lot if you know that one. Maybe if Therrel Childers had been the first and only death in Iraq that would be a lot if you knew him. But you probably don't. And you probably don't know Jay Aubin, or Ryan Beaupre, or Jose Gutierrez. It's not like two people a day are disappearing from your workplace, or school, or congregation. We need to remember this, especially when we hold it in the light of what we've given the Iraqis. Wouldn't we appreciate if someone did the exact same thing for us? And considering how little it costs, even if things don't go exactly right, isn't it still a bargain?

It's important that we get our heads on right because it looks like we'll be giving Iran the same gifts soon. We really need to consider the costs before we do. And it turns out, the costs aren't so great. Unless of course you count the liberated dead... and maybe count the injured... and then other things that are hard to quantify like the damage to our souls. But why would we do that?

Longview
Tear It In Two- The Briefs
Levitate Me- The PIxies
Uptight (Everything's Alright)- Stevie Wonder
Mambo King- Tito Puente
The End Has No End- The Strokes
Everything Is Broken- Bob Dylan
She Watch Channel Zero- Public Enemy
Macho Insecurity- Dead Kennedys

Unironically USA, USA, USA!!

Last night was a tough night for getting things done. There was the US versus Mexico, Duke versus NC, Mythbusters, and a couple of cute puppies all competing for my attention. School work was not in the competition. That is, there was really no contest, only the triumph of will over desire that got things done.

The US beat Mexico again. Though Mexico easily won on swagger and style points, those don't count for a win. If they did, somehow whining and grimacing would have to be factored in too. So with that I still think we would have won. (I'm brown- I hope you'll let me say "we" for the US team).

That's nice to see after their performance in that we do not name, as was the generally confident play of Americans, especially those called from the EPL for this match. But more than anyone else, I was impressed by Eric Wynalda's performance.

I was originally watching this match en español for TV watching reasons too complex to explain, or at least more complex than TV watching should warrant, but I switched over to the Deuce and there was Wynalda sitting in the same room as Arena.


If you watched any of the English language coverage of that we do not name, you would have seen that by the end of the first round, Wynalda was pissed off at the Americans and had little good to say about Arena. In addition to many lackluster performances, it's easy to fault Arena's choices about camp, formation, and starters. It's easy to fault them, because many of them were stupid.

Anyway last night he was quite a trooper and never once punched Bruce in the face. I read this wasn't the first time they appeared together so maybe it's not that impressive, but with so little in the world to give us hope in the possibility of goodness, I'll hang on to this.

That's all.

Sorry to make you wait so long for something so unsubstantial.

Where My Bitches At?

Right Here

The Qweenbeen isn't a big fan of that expression. She needs to take that up with historical convention and the editors of the OED because until I hear otherwise, it's perfectly appropriate for me to call my puppies with that phrase.

So there are puppies. There are my puppies, Chelsea and Lily, but there are also siblings to these puppies. I don't know them. Even though the Qweenbeen and I played with all these puppies to get a sense of their personalities and chose the two we thought most suitable for us, we could have very easily chosen two other puppies. If we had chosen two other puppies, we would be as attached to those puppies as we are to these puppies. It's strange to think of these puppies as interchangeable now, but at one time they were.

They are attached to us now as well, though if I say they feel for me what I feel for them, I'm really just projecting a whole lot of impossible onto these puppies. But here I am; I'm buying their food, waking up in the middle of the night when they cry, cleaning up their crap, paying for vet visits, posting their pictures on my interblog, creating MySpace pages for them and all sorts of other things that I could just as easily have been doing for other puppies.

It seems normal to do most of this for these puppies, maybe some of it is crazy. But it would be really crazy to do this for other puppies, though at another time it could just as easily have been other puppies. That is, it makes some sense to do this for these puppies, but if I were to now go out of my way to do this for their litter mates, that would be weird. If I were to just up and start doing this for my neighbor's puppies that would probably be un-neighborly of me.

I'm the kind of dummy that will run down the road to try to rescue a stray dog and if I catch it, find its home, or failing that, a new home for it. But I don't always do that. Sometimes I just say, "ohh" and keep driving. But I would spend all kinds of time going to find my puppies if they were missing. Your puppy? Maybe not.

Does that mean I don't value all puppy life equally? It seems to. I'll come right and say it. I don't value all puppy life equally. I don't think you need to worry; I would probably never do anything to harm your puppy, if you have one. But it's also very likely I am not doing anything to promote the life of your puppy. I seem to only value puppies that somehow come before me, that is if value is expressed by the effort I put into caring for them.

That's puppies. But it goes further.

The Qweenbeen has had a couple of miscarriages (maybe that's why I invest so much in dogs now). I have felt very nostalgic for things that never were. The first time we knew she was pregnant I felt attached to this strange thing that could someday be a baby. I felt anticipation, excitement, love, fear, protective, hopeful, nervous, unprepared, and on. I imagined an entire life, or at least the entirety of life I could imagine. Things felt as I figure they were supposed to feel.

But then all that was gone.

She's had another miscarriage. We didn't know she was pregnant until she wasn't and that was a very different experience. The sense of loss wasn't as dramatic. I didn't approach the date when a baby could have been born with any sadness- I didn't even think to know when that day could be. And since then, we suspect there have been others.

So I'm clear- I think something begins at conception. I don't think it says anything helpful or clear to say that what begins at conception is life. That is not to say I don't think it's a life- only that saying it is or isn't does not mean much. How much I felt or didn't feel for a zygote did not depend on my seeing it as a life but instead on how much I attached to it.

Now I could be wrong in that. Maybe I'm bad because I didn't value both pregnancies and miscarriages the same. Maybe I'm bad because we continue to have sex knowing that life might be created but likely not sustained. You may have very good reasons for thinking so, just as you might think it is enough to say life begins at conception and that saying so satisfies something.

I don't.

Maybe I think it's actually worse to say life begins at conception and leave it at that- or from that assume that the life that exists at conception is anything like the life that exists at three months before or after birth, or 5 years after birth, or 20 years after birth, or anything like the life that exists with my wife, or the life that exists with some unnamed person on the planet right now at the point furthest from me.

Or maybe I don't think it's worse to say that- maybe I just think it's worse if, between taking a petri dish with an embryo and my wife who had succumbed to smoke inhallation, you took the petri dish from a burning building.

Maybe the point is we can say anything we want about valuing life, but the choices we make, even in the choices we don't think to make, say more about what we actually believe. And it seems that we believe life isn't worth all that much. Or at the very least, what I can say about me is: I seem to value the lives of puppies on my porch more than the lives of people that must certainly exist but have made the unfortunate choice to do so far beyond the horizon of my empathy.

Just A Reminder

When people talk about the estate tax being unjust (and for this call it the Death Penalty), they are broadly saying it's not right that, in addition to the loss of a loved one, the wealthy bereft should have the inheritance they are due be treated as income and subject to the same type of taxation you or I would pay for winning a huge lottery payout or even the money we earn at regular jobs.

Often too, the image of a quaint family farm being lost to the IRS after a parent's death is invoked to show how sad and oppressive this tax truly is (though this is not the nature or effect of the estate tax).

That the estate tax can be called unfair at all, or that it is known as the Death Penalty by average Americans should be seen as an absolute PR success and give you a good sense of who's actually turning the screws behind a term like "Death Penalty" and the push to have it repealed.

Counter to this, it would be helpful to remember this is really who would be paying taxes on inherited income.