Dannodellagioia

In an effort to make my blog more parochial and alienating, here's some news from the world of soccer. It turns out Juventus, the Italian champions, are being investigated for fixing who would officiate at key matches. Maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal. It is. The general manager resigned and said his soul has been killed. The team's board has resigned. The outgoing and incoming prime ministers have commented on it. Trading on the team's stock was stopped. Italian officials bound for the World Cup have been withdrawn.

Okay, this is the USA, most everybody hates soccer and everything it stands for, so I'll put it in terms others can understand. It turns out that Pamela Anderson is a man; you've been attracted to a man this whole time, maybe even worse. Good grief what were you doing? He's a man, man! And on top of it, this was discovered just before Barb Wire came out. See, that's a big deal. So that might give you some perspective on how much this matters to Italy.

Here's why it matters to us: The US is in the same group as Italy for the World Cup. "We" play them in our second match. This could help us in that match, but more broadly and importantly this could affect Italy's play overall. Maybe they'll be less aggressive, less cohesive, rattled, psyched out, whatever- so long as they score less. How would you perform confronted with the reality that Pamela Anderson has a penis?

Now, add that the Czech team (also in our group) has named injured players to its roster. This makes it more possible that we could advance without having to face Brazil in the Round of Sixteen.

Okay, so maybe it still doesn't matter to you. Try this, you will have the chance to chant USA! USA! very soon. How's that?